Obaa Yaa
Should l consider this man or quit the relationship
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Dear ObaaYaa,
My first relationship fell on rocks when l discovered after three years to my surprise that my boyfriend was married with two children and the lady was staying with his parents in the village while he came to Accra in search of greener pastures.
Though l was surprised to hear the news, the surprise look in his face which left him speechless for some minutes was enough for me to believe that the information l received could not be the figment of imagination of someone trying to be mischievous.
Initially, my boyfriend attempted to whisper some words but quickly realised that he had hit the rocks as the words could not flow and there was nothing he could do under the circumstance to redeem his already damaged image.
By intuition he rose from his seat which was opposite mine, went on his knees to plead forgiveness. I did not allow him to waste his precious energy as l assisted him back on his feet and attempted leading him to his seat but he could not move an inch.
I demanded that our meeting that evening should end for us to continue the conversation the following day, God willing. But l could not sleep throughout the night because of the hurt in my heart and in the morning it was not better either.
Linda, Accra.
Dear Linda,
You ought to thank God for what has happened and the fact that you have discovered this embarrassing news early before you could commit yourself further in this relationship.
So long as this lady and her children are staying with the in-laws means she is still married to the husband.
How would you feel imagine you were married to this man before this secret was revealed to you? Your man has erred for not letting out the parcel in his baggage and going forward to propose to you. He should have known that a secret of this nature will definitely come to light.
Having known the facts, there is no need to waste a second of your precious time in this relationship. Despite the fact that this man has shown some remorse you need not sympathise with him. Work hard at getting yours to avoid unnecessary marital problems.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
