Obaa Yaa
Should l consider this man or quit the relationship
Dear ObaaYaa,
My first relationship fell on rocks when l discovered after three years to my surprise that my boyfriend was married with two children and the lady was staying with his parents in the village while he came to Accra in search of greener pastures.
Though l was surprised to hear the news, the surprise look in his face which left him speechless for some minutes was enough for me to believe that the information l received could not be the figment of imagination of someone trying to be mischievous.
Initially, my boyfriend attempted to whisper some words but quickly realised that he had hit the rocks as the words could not flow and there was nothing he could do under the circumstance to redeem his already damaged image.
By intuition he rose from his seat which was opposite mine, went on his knees to plead forgiveness. I did not allow him to waste his precious energy as l assisted him back on his feet and attempted leading him to his seat but he could not move an inch.
I demanded that our meeting that evening should end for us to continue the conversation the following day, God willing. But l could not sleep throughout the night because of the hurt in my heart and in the morning it was not better either.
Linda, Accra.
Dear Linda,
You ought to thank God for what has happened and the fact that you have discovered this embarrassing news early before you could commit yourself further in this relationship.
So long as this lady and her children are staying with the in-laws means she is still married to the husband.
How would you feel imagine you were married to this man before this secret was revealed to you? Your man has erred for not letting out the parcel in his baggage and going forward to propose to you. He should have known that a secret of this nature will definitely come to light.
Having known the facts, there is no need to waste a second of your precious time in this relationship. Despite the fact that this man has shown some remorse you need not sympathise with him. Work hard at getting yours to avoid unnecessary marital problems.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
