Obaa Yaa
He is ungrateful despite my assistance
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l met my boyfriend five years ago after he had completed Senior High School and could not continue his education due to poverty.
Though a teenager, l had established myself in a lucrative business and was able to expand it to an appreciable height which enabled me to support him to continue his education.
I managed throughout the period until he had his first degree and did his National Service at Mankesim where l visited him a couple of times.
After the service, he opted to teach in a private school to while away the time. After two years, he was able to secure a job at Takoradi and had to move there.
Friends advised me to convince him to marry me but he pleaded that he would like to gather some money before taking that step.
Months followed and my boyfriend failed to visit home as he used to and prevented me from paying him visits with the excuse that his school had arranged series of weekend trips and extra lessons for the school children.
A good friend who knew of our friendship later told me that my lover was married with a child at his new location. Several attempts made to get him on phone to respond to my concerns and questions failed.
A few days ago, he informed me that he was no longer interested in me and that he was prepared to pay for the cost l had incurred in his education.
I was disturbed, cried for weeks unending and in the process fell sick for one month.
Please my heart is troubled about his behaviour and l am not thinking about the money l have spent to educate him. However, l am disappointed in him. What step should l take?
Comfort, Koforidua
Dear Comfort,
You must be commended highly for the effort you have made in educating your boyfriend who has turned out to become ungrateful.
It is, indeed, true that you must be having traumatic experiences and need a counselor to take you through series of lessons in order to calm the growing tension in you.
Though it is not easy to bear such a painful experience, you must try to overcome the pain this gentleman has caused you.
Put your trust in God and do not forget that He is the greatest provider, will help you out of this problem and reward you with a better husband.
God could be taking you from a serious problem in the future if this gentleman had married you.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
