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You may now kiss the bride

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• A bride and groom

CHRISTIANS have still not been able to say which is the greater sin -to have two wives or have one wife and take a girlfriend.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Moslems have long resolved that issue. They see marriage to two, three or four women as perfectly legal. There is, however, no room for girlfriends and concubines. The Sharia particularly is allergic to ‘non-sense’.

The Christian man cherishes marriage and in Sikaman, he goes through an elaborate ceremony called engagement, quite a boring procedure, especially if you have something else to do, like drinking chilled beer.

However, that is even preceded by what is known as ‘knocking’. You must knock on the door of your prospective in-laws, not with your hands or bare knuckles, but with alcoholic drinks, preferably akpeteshie also known as kele or sodabi.

Sometimes the local drink is promptly rejected by the father-in-law on grounds that he had seen the Holy Spirit in his dreams and therefore has nothing to do with ogogoro whose alcoholic percentage tips the scale at ‘55 per cent proof.’

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Ability

He would require the prospective groom and his father to repent of their sins and bring more sobering drinks, the type that will not interfere with his ability to speak in tongues. In short, he does not want to compromise his religious piety with alcoholic in-discretion and anger the Holy Ghost.

“If you can’t return home to get the soft drinks, you can exchange it with cash,” the father-in-law will announce finally. “But make sure you do the calculation well; and remember you are not buying from a duty-free shop.” It is a reminder that only a handsome sum can be acceptable.

The knocking is a simple ceremony. The groom, however, sees it as a bother. The whiteman doesn’t go through all this! So what is the big deal?

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The engagement is next! And the mother-in-law will also insist on a grand wedding. And since the wedding cannot be held before the engagement, the groom is presented with an engagement list that makes him feel very dizzy. He will groan to himself. Who at all has asked him to go after this girl?

Well, the engagement comes off and then the wedding time arrives. The bride is excited beyond words. The groom is sad-faced. The expenses he has made so far nags his conscience, Is it worth the bride?

Bonafide

In fact, if the woman misbehaved after everything, she’ll be sorry. The bride must know she is a bought commodity, acquired merchandise; in short, she is a bonafide property, not her to be. So she must behave herself. Wallahi!

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The wedding is super and the honeymoon is said to be taking place in Las Palmas or Edinburgh, Scotland, although the couple are holed up in a tiny hotel at Kokomlenle where you can find them committing a legal sin. Their fornication is now legal, legitimate, permissible, certified and gazetted. There is no limit to the number of rounds so long as the groom is up to the game and doesn’t collapse midstream.

After a hectic honeymoon, the couple emerge from their hide-out and tell fanciful stories about Las Palmas when they should be talking about Kokomlemle.

It is when they get under one roof and live as man and wife that the acid test of cohabitation begins registering. The woman will start asking herself whether this is really the man she had known a few years back. The husband would also wonder if they had given him a different bride. Perhaps Leah instead of Rachel?

The problem with marriage is that it promptly loses the magic associated with courtship once it is consummated. And when the babies start coming, the man might decide that he needs a part-time wife to gratify his basic sexual needs. So he goes sniffing like a he-goat.

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Wives always have a sixth sense. When a husband goes skirt-chasing, they know by instinct. Some men are also so stupid as to reveal it all, with lipstick marks all over their white shirts and several packs of condoms in every pocket. The woman will start nagging.

The man goes drinking and comes home late. The woman may start getting arrogant, making friends who advise her to stand up to her own. She will not submit to the husband. She is shabby and cheerless. The once smiling beauty is permanently frowning. She is aggrieved over “slim” chopmoney.

The palavers of marriage are many and diverse. The end result is always disastrous – separation and divorce. It doesn’t matter the length of time the couple underwent marriage counselling. If they do not reason together and understand each other’s needs, the marriage will head for the rocks.

Marriages

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One-third of Ghanaian marriages do not go beyond ten years. That is commendable when we compare this to what happens in Europe and America. About two-thirds of their marriages collapse within 10 years.

Should pastors continue with counselling once in a month forever after marriage? Should we have renewable (contract) marriages that can be renewed every two years? Or should we not marry at all?

This article was first published on Saturday January 28, 2006

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MPs, churches, bad dressing 

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GHANA’S Parliament is a peaceful one. The arguments on the floor of the House can be fierce, but the House doesn’t catch fire. Ghana’s democracy has passed the acid-test of constitutional pluralism, and her legislature is a model of democratic beauty others are learning from.

Sikaman Palava LOGO
Sikaman Palava

Sometimes it is edifying following proceedings in Parliament and you are likely to catch the voice of Honourable Alban Bagbin in full flight. He doesn’t talk much. His English vocabulary does the talking.

Last week, I heard another MP talking on bad dressing, and I must congratulate him on his brilliant exhibition of vocabulary, delivered in Westminster tradition.

Such explosive delivery titillates the floor of the House and brings joy to members and Mr Speaker.

In the parliament of some countries, there is no need for such niceties. The floor of the House is regarded as a battle ground. Others, including lady members, see it as a boxing ring, where the spoken word is often jettisoned and supplanted with punches and upper-cuts.

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PART-TIME

So the average parliamentarian trains part-time as a boxer, in case boxing skills will be needed in the House to iron out knotty points.

The ladies’ pedicure and manicure are carefully designed to fulfil a dual purpose. One is to showcase trendiness and the other is to scratch the faces of opponents in the House whether they are ladies or gentlemen. 

Sometimes, the Speaker has to keep shouting and banging for well over 15 minutes as a recalcitrant MP dashes across and grabs the tie of another MP, thus precipitating a free-for-all brawl. Some MPs return home with a half nose, a missing left ear and a double forehead.

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None of the offending parties is sanctioned because brawling in parliament is seen as a democratic process, since some MPs are so stubborn that only a sidekick to the ribs can mellow them. Meanwhile, a free-for-all is good exercise for the MPs, some of whom have grown too fat due to over-feeding.

Fortunately, the parliament of Sikaman has a civil democratic culture and debates get fierce but punches are not unleashed. For comic relief however, MPs do some break dancing once in a while.

When ROPAB was passed into law, some MPs caused a stir by bursting into song and dance. Mr. Speaker was be wildered, but obviously pleased that his announcement of the passage of the bill had brought joy to the House.

Others were not happy, though. The bill and the debates had caused them enough distress. As for the passage, it was like cutting their throats. They groaned in their hearts. No punches, no karate. That is democracy in its maturing stage. It is tempered with reason and civility. One day, it will be their turn to laugh and dance.

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Now, the MP who spoke on bad dressing did a good job by all standards and added value to his delivery by going highfalutin. He wanted a law to be enacted against bad dressing, because it was not good for society.

What constitutes bad dressing? That is a very difficult question. Judging what is good or bad as far as dressing is concerned will obviously depend on the setting or context.

For example, going virtually naked on a holiday beach is considered good dressing. But when a man and his wife storm a church room in their birth-time suits (naked) the pastor and his deacons will surely take cover. It means a sartorial revolution has precipitated and only the Holy Spirit can hold tempers at bay.

STYLISH

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In the streets of Sikaman, a lady with a very short skirt is admired by some as trendy and stylish. Others would think she is indecent and a bad influence. But the question that arises ultimately is this: Don’t people have the right to wear what they want to wear, so long as the unseemly parts of their bodies are not laid bare?

Certainly, nobody will go totally naked in the streets, unless the person is either in-sane or is a Black Stars supporter painted in the national colours. Even then, he’d be in what is called ‘pioto,’ with his ‘instrument’ well-positioned. That is called proper dressing.

So in the streets, this kind of dressing will be considered good or bad depending on the setting and the extent of exposure of the private parts (breasts, thighs, lower back, buttocks, etc).

Personally, I feel the churches should be very scrupulous about the dressing of those who go in to worship. The ushers should be tasked with ushering away badly-dressed worshippers. Incidentally, they are the worshippers who like the front pews, and the pastor is so distracted he can’t preach any meaningful sermon.

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However, a law on dressing is something I won’t advocate, for the simple reason that, first, there is no clear definition of what is bad dressing and second, society must be left to evolve its own dress culture so that fashion and creativity in fashion design will not be stifle Any law to regulate dressing will kill such creativity.

This article was first published on Saturday July, 2006

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Features

The body under siege: how long-term stress wears you down                                                          

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​Most people think stress is just in your head. When you feel overwhelmed, overworked, or emotionally drained, you might think you just need a good night’s sleep or a quick mental break.

​However, science and biology show us something entirely different. Chronic, long-term stress is not just an emotion—it is a full-body physical condition. When you live in a constant state of survival mode, pushing past your limits without real rest, your body pays a very heavy physical price.

​Here is a clear, step-by-step look at how ongoing stress physically breaks down the human body, explained simply.

Step 1: The endless flood of stress chemicals

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​What happens normally: When you face a sudden emergency, your body releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. They give you a quick burst of energy, speed up your heart, and help you react fast. This is a great survival tool for short bursts.

How stress breaks you down: If you never truly relax, your body never turns off that alarm. Your bloodstream stays flooded with cortisol and adrenaline day after day. Over time, having these chemicals constantly sloshing around acts like a slow poison. It damages your blood vessels, raises your blood pressure, messes with your metabolism, and even wears down your DNA, making you age faster.

Step 2: The silent internal fire (Chronic Inflammation)

What happens normally: When your brain senses danger or stress, it assumes you might get hurt, so it tells your immune system to cause inflammation (swelling and heat) to fight off germs and heal injuries.

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How stress breaks you down: When stress lasts for months or years, your immune system gets confused and leaves that “fire” burning permanently. Instead of healing an injury, this silent internal inflammation starts attacking your healthy cells, joints, and organs. Over time, it paves the way for serious health issues, heart trouble, and total body fatigue.

Step 3: Turning your muscles into armor (Fascial Hardening)

What happens normally: Your body is wrapped in a web of strong connective tissue called fascia that holds your muscles, bones, and organs together. When you face pressure or trauma, that tissue automatically tightens up to protect you like a suit of armor.

How stress breaks you down: If you stay tense for years, that tissue never softens back up. It freezes in place, creating tight, painful physical knots (often called emotional lesions). Blood and oxygen can’t flow easily through those locked-up areas, leaving you stiff, aching, and physically unable to truly let go of tension.

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Step 4: Burning out your body’s engine (Nervous System Overdrive)

What happens normally: Your nervous system has two main gears:

​The Gas Pedal (fight-or-flight mode for dealing with emergencies).

​The Brake Pedal (rest-and-digest mode for healing and repairing your body).

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How stress breaks you down: Chronic stress forces your foot down hard on the gas pedal 24/7. Your heart beats faster than it should, your digestion shuts down, and your body is denied the deep rest it needs to repair itself. Eventually, your heart and nervous system run completely out of fuel from sheer exhaustion.

Reclaiming your health and sovereignty

​Chronic stress wears you down slowly by keeping your body chemically toxic, inflamed, and locked-up in physical armour, and running on empty.

​By understanding that stress is a physical breakdown rather than just a bad mood, you can stop glorifying endless endurance. It allows you to recognise when your body is screaming for a reset, helping you shift away from burnout and back toward true physical calm, balance, and sovereignty.

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