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You may now kiss the bride
CHRISTIANS have still not been able to say which is the greater sin -to have two wives or have one wife and take a girlfriend.
Moslems have long resolved that issue. They see marriage to two, three or four women as perfectly legal. There is, however, no room for girlfriends and concubines. The Sharia particularly is allergic to ‘non-sense’.
The Christian man cherishes marriage and in Sikaman, he goes through an elaborate ceremony called engagement, quite a boring procedure, especially if you have something else to do, like drinking chilled beer.
However, that is even preceded by what is known as ‘knocking’. You must knock on the door of your prospective in-laws, not with your hands or bare knuckles, but with alcoholic drinks, preferably akpeteshie also known as kele or sodabi.
Sometimes the local drink is promptly rejected by the father-in-law on grounds that he had seen the Holy Spirit in his dreams and therefore has nothing to do with ogogoro whose alcoholic percentage tips the scale at ‘55 per cent proof.’
Ability
He would require the prospective groom and his father to repent of their sins and bring more sobering drinks, the type that will not interfere with his ability to speak in tongues. In short, he does not want to compromise his religious piety with alcoholic in-discretion and anger the Holy Ghost.
“If you can’t return home to get the soft drinks, you can exchange it with cash,” the father-in-law will announce finally. “But make sure you do the calculation well; and remember you are not buying from a duty-free shop.” It is a reminder that only a handsome sum can be acceptable.
The knocking is a simple ceremony. The groom, however, sees it as a bother. The whiteman doesn’t go through all this! So what is the big deal?
The engagement is next! And the mother-in-law will also insist on a grand wedding. And since the wedding cannot be held before the engagement, the groom is presented with an engagement list that makes him feel very dizzy. He will groan to himself. Who at all has asked him to go after this girl?
Well, the engagement comes off and then the wedding time arrives. The bride is excited beyond words. The groom is sad-faced. The expenses he has made so far nags his conscience, Is it worth the bride?
Bonafide
In fact, if the woman misbehaved after everything, she’ll be sorry. The bride must know she is a bought commodity, acquired merchandise; in short, she is a bonafide property, not her to be. So she must behave herself. Wallahi!
The wedding is super and the honeymoon is said to be taking place in Las Palmas or Edinburgh, Scotland, although the couple are holed up in a tiny hotel at Kokomlenle where you can find them committing a legal sin. Their fornication is now legal, legitimate, permissible, certified and gazetted. There is no limit to the number of rounds so long as the groom is up to the game and doesn’t collapse midstream.
After a hectic honeymoon, the couple emerge from their hide-out and tell fanciful stories about Las Palmas when they should be talking about Kokomlemle.
It is when they get under one roof and live as man and wife that the acid test of cohabitation begins registering. The woman will start asking herself whether this is really the man she had known a few years back. The husband would also wonder if they had given him a different bride. Perhaps Leah instead of Rachel?
The problem with marriage is that it promptly loses the magic associated with courtship once it is consummated. And when the babies start coming, the man might decide that he needs a part-time wife to gratify his basic sexual needs. So he goes sniffing like a he-goat.
Wives always have a sixth sense. When a husband goes skirt-chasing, they know by instinct. Some men are also so stupid as to reveal it all, with lipstick marks all over their white shirts and several packs of condoms in every pocket. The woman will start nagging.
The man goes drinking and comes home late. The woman may start getting arrogant, making friends who advise her to stand up to her own. She will not submit to the husband. She is shabby and cheerless. The once smiling beauty is permanently frowning. She is aggrieved over “slim” chopmoney.
The palavers of marriage are many and diverse. The end result is always disastrous – separation and divorce. It doesn’t matter the length of time the couple underwent marriage counselling. If they do not reason together and understand each other’s needs, the marriage will head for the rocks.
Marriages
One-third of Ghanaian marriages do not go beyond ten years. That is commendable when we compare this to what happens in Europe and America. About two-thirds of their marriages collapse within 10 years.
Should pastors continue with counselling once in a month forever after marriage? Should we have renewable (contract) marriages that can be renewed every two years? Or should we not marry at all?
This article was first published on Saturday January 28, 2006
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ALL these forms of responsibility are sustained by one central pillar: spiritual and moral discipline. Without it, knowledge becomes pride, power becomes oppression, and freedom becomes chaos.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger.” (Bukhari, Hadith 6114)
This control taqwā is the root of responsibility. Imam Al-Ghazali (1105) in Ihya Ulum al-Din wrote that the purification of the soul (tazkiyah al-nafs) is the foundation of all reform. A responsible man disciplines his desires, guards his words, and acts with sincerity, even when no one is watching.
We live in an era of temptation — social media, materialism, and moral relativism challenge our values. But men of faith must rise above these influences and remember that Allah is Al-Raqīb — the Ever-Watchful. Spiritual accountability anchors moral behaviour.
8. Emotional and psychological responsibility
Responsibility also includes taking care of one’s mental and emotional well-being. Many men suffer silently under the burden of expectation — believing that showing emotion is weakness.
Yet, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم shed tears, expressed compassion, and sought counsel.
Psychologist Aaron Beck (1976) in Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders emphasised that emotional maturity begins with self-awareness, recognising one’s feelings, and managing them constructively.
Group counselling sessions like this are essential; they help men share, heal, and grow together. No man should walk alone; strength is not isolation, but the courage to seek support. Let us normalise counselling, mentorship, and brotherhood among men. For in unity, we find healing; in shared wisdom, we find growth.
9. The five questions of accountability
The Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “The feet of the son of Adam shall not move on the Day of Resurrection before he is asked about five things:
- His life — how he lived it;
- His youth — how he used it;
- His wealth — how he earned it and how he spent it;
- His knowledge — how he acted upon it.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2416; also reported in al-Darimi)
This hadith captures the essence of personal accountability — the cornerstone of responsibility in Islam. It reminds every believer that every blessing carries a duty, and every stage of life demands conscious action.
Let’s break it down:
- “His life — how he lived it”
Life is a divine trust (amānah). A responsible man lives with purpose, not pleasure as his goal. He invests his time in doing good, serving others, and seeking Allah’s pleasure. - “His youth — how he used it”
Youth is the most energetic and creative phase — and thus the most accountable. As Ibn al-Qayyim noted in Madarij al-Salikin, “The strength of youth is a blessing, and blessings invite responsibility.” Men must use their youth to build character, gain knowledge, and resist destructive habits. - “His wealth — how he earned it and how he spent it”
Financial integrity is a key part of manhood. Islam demands transparency, fairness, and generosity. The Qur’an warns against wastefulness: “Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils.” (Qur’an 17:27) A responsible man earns lawfully, gives in charity, and spends wisely. - “His knowledge — how he acted upon it”
Knowledge is meaningless if not practiced. Imam Al-Ghazali wrote that knowledge without action is a burden, not a blessing. A responsible man translates his learning into character, leadership, and service.
This Hadith teaches that responsibility in Islam is total and it covers time, energy, wealth, and knowledge. It’s not only about what we achieve, but how we live, how we give, and how we grow.
10. Summary
Responsibility, therefore, is not a single act but a lifestyle — one that touches every sphere of life:
- Educational responsibility empowers us to think and serve.
- Marital and family responsibility keeps our homes strong.
- Environmental responsibility safeguards our future.
- Civic responsibility builds our nation.
- Moral and spiritual responsibility sustains our integrity.
- Emotional responsibility maintains our well-being.
A responsible man is thus an educated mind, a loving heart, a disciplined spirit, and a servant leader. He is not perfect, but he is purposeful.
11. Conclusion
My brothers, as we look toward the future, let us remember the divine reminder:
“The believers, men and women, are protectors of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong.” (Qur’an 9:71)
Our communities are counting on us — our sisters, mothers, and children look to us for leadership and example. Let us not disappoint them. When we build responsible men today, we build a Ghana that is peaceful, prosperous, and principled.
Let us be men of knowledge and humility, strength and compassion, faith and fairness. And may Allah grant us the wisdom to lead ourselves before we lead others. Āmīn.
Imam Alhaji Saeed Abdulai, Kpone Katmanso Municipal Chief Imam, governance expert and certified counselor.
By Imam Alhaji Saeed Abdulai
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Today, I focus on Ghanaian/African migrants in Finland and their mental health. Mental health is an important subject and a huge problem in the world.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), brain health is the state of brain functioning across cognitive, sensory, social-emotional, behavioural and motor domains, allowing a person to realise their full potential over the life course, irrespective of the presence or absence of disorders.
Studies have shown that maternal and paternal distress are associated with reduced linear growth of their children. I recently participated in a seminar on mental health among (African) migrants in Finland. We all wondered about the prevalence or incidence of mental illness among migrants in Finland. It will be interesting to know the statistics about mental illness among migrants in Finland.
Mental health in Finland
In Finland, studies have examined how behavioural risk factors mediate the effects of childhood disadvantage on adult psychological distress. A correlation is shown between parent and infant psychotherapy on maternal mental health and psychological functioning and children’s welfare.
There are also research and other reports of social child welfare interventions where at times children are even taken away (child removals) from the parent or parents for safe keeping.
Experts say it is important how parents plan their leaves in order to renew or rebuild their mental strength to be able to take good care of their kids.
Anyway, studies are limited about parent-child psychological distress and situations where children are taken away from their parents among minorities, such as African migrants. It will be interesting to know the figures and other aspects of mental health issues among the migrant group(s) in Finland.
Health and migrant vulnerability
Health experts point out that migrant communities can be highly vulnerable to diseases, especially certain infectious diseases. Experts say those who came to Finland as refugees or asylum seekers and their family members are often in a more vulnerable position in terms of their health (see www.thl.fi).
Research and media reports have shown in many countries that there are structural or societal/cultural factors that result in quite high rates of infection or ill-health among migrants, when compared to the majority population.
It is suggested that for example language barrier, lack of information, the nature of the work of migrants in professions where working from home is not possible (for example during the Covid-19 pandemic), not accessing healthcare, etc. can present some of the factors for migrants’ vulnerability to diseases and infections.
Childhood disadvantage
Information about the issue. Such a situation was much evidenced to reduce stress and anxiety during the coronavirus situation.
Thus, these associations and institutions become networks that create an important social capital as well as outlets for sharing and gaining information or knowledge.
Finland is committed to the integration of migrants into the Finnish society, as I keep pointing out. A number of research studies from surveys and other in-depth enquiries have shown a trend of increasing efforts to integrate African and other migrants into the Finnish society.
As the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare (THL) has pointed out, health and wellbeing are an important part of integration of immigrants in Finland (see www.thl.fi).
There have been studies on whether behavioural risk factors mediate the effects of childhood disadvantage on adult psychological distress and child welfare intervention by social services. Unhealthy behaviours and their associations with subsequent sickness among Finnish young and early midlife employees have been studied.
When it comes to this subject and/or the effect of adult psychological distress on children’s wellbeing among African migrants in Finland, there is limited knowledge.
We should hope for more information to augment understandings about adult psychological distress and effect on children’s wellbeing among African migrants in order to inform policy directions.
Such studies will help to create awareness among migrants in Finland about their mental health, its effect on them and their children’s wellbeing, as well as where to seek therapy.
Migrant associations, social networks, and information
Migrants associations are already doing much to help in education on mental health and have become important points for securing. Public agencies, migrant associations and other non-governmental organisations (NGOs) in Finland have been publishing information to help educate people about their health and wellbeing.
Generally, migrant associations formally create awareness among their members and other migrants usually in collaboration with some Finnish institutions, and are thus an important tool for several migrants to be positively active and to get their interests and claims heard.
As I wrote previously, the role of migrant associations acting as bridge-builders for the integration and inclusion of migrants through participation in the decision making process and by acting as a representative voice is highly appreciated in Finland. Thank you!
By Perpetual Crentsil
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