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You may now kiss the bride
CHRISTIANS have still not been able to say which is the greater sin -to have two wives or have one wife and take a girlfriend.
Moslems have long resolved that issue. They see marriage to two, three or four women as perfectly legal. There is, however, no room for girlfriends and concubines. The Sharia particularly is allergic to ‘non-sense’.
The Christian man cherishes marriage and in Sikaman, he goes through an elaborate ceremony called engagement, quite a boring procedure, especially if you have something else to do, like drinking chilled beer.
However, that is even preceded by what is known as ‘knocking’. You must knock on the door of your prospective in-laws, not with your hands or bare knuckles, but with alcoholic drinks, preferably akpeteshie also known as kele or sodabi.
Sometimes the local drink is promptly rejected by the father-in-law on grounds that he had seen the Holy Spirit in his dreams and therefore has nothing to do with ogogoro whose alcoholic percentage tips the scale at ‘55 per cent proof.’
Ability
He would require the prospective groom and his father to repent of their sins and bring more sobering drinks, the type that will not interfere with his ability to speak in tongues. In short, he does not want to compromise his religious piety with alcoholic in-discretion and anger the Holy Ghost.
“If you can’t return home to get the soft drinks, you can exchange it with cash,” the father-in-law will announce finally. “But make sure you do the calculation well; and remember you are not buying from a duty-free shop.” It is a reminder that only a handsome sum can be acceptable.
The knocking is a simple ceremony. The groom, however, sees it as a bother. The whiteman doesn’t go through all this! So what is the big deal?
The engagement is next! And the mother-in-law will also insist on a grand wedding. And since the wedding cannot be held before the engagement, the groom is presented with an engagement list that makes him feel very dizzy. He will groan to himself. Who at all has asked him to go after this girl?
Well, the engagement comes off and then the wedding time arrives. The bride is excited beyond words. The groom is sad-faced. The expenses he has made so far nags his conscience, Is it worth the bride?
Bonafide
In fact, if the woman misbehaved after everything, she’ll be sorry. The bride must know she is a bought commodity, acquired merchandise; in short, she is a bonafide property, not her to be. So she must behave herself. Wallahi!
The wedding is super and the honeymoon is said to be taking place in Las Palmas or Edinburgh, Scotland, although the couple are holed up in a tiny hotel at Kokomlenle where you can find them committing a legal sin. Their fornication is now legal, legitimate, permissible, certified and gazetted. There is no limit to the number of rounds so long as the groom is up to the game and doesn’t collapse midstream.
After a hectic honeymoon, the couple emerge from their hide-out and tell fanciful stories about Las Palmas when they should be talking about Kokomlemle.
It is when they get under one roof and live as man and wife that the acid test of cohabitation begins registering. The woman will start asking herself whether this is really the man she had known a few years back. The husband would also wonder if they had given him a different bride. Perhaps Leah instead of Rachel?
The problem with marriage is that it promptly loses the magic associated with courtship once it is consummated. And when the babies start coming, the man might decide that he needs a part-time wife to gratify his basic sexual needs. So he goes sniffing like a he-goat.
Wives always have a sixth sense. When a husband goes skirt-chasing, they know by instinct. Some men are also so stupid as to reveal it all, with lipstick marks all over their white shirts and several packs of condoms in every pocket. The woman will start nagging.
The man goes drinking and comes home late. The woman may start getting arrogant, making friends who advise her to stand up to her own. She will not submit to the husband. She is shabby and cheerless. The once smiling beauty is permanently frowning. She is aggrieved over “slim” chopmoney.
The palavers of marriage are many and diverse. The end result is always disastrous – separation and divorce. It doesn’t matter the length of time the couple underwent marriage counselling. If they do not reason together and understand each other’s needs, the marriage will head for the rocks.
Marriages
One-third of Ghanaian marriages do not go beyond ten years. That is commendable when we compare this to what happens in Europe and America. About two-thirds of their marriages collapse within 10 years.
Should pastors continue with counselling once in a month forever after marriage? Should we have renewable (contract) marriages that can be renewed every two years? Or should we not marry at all?
This article was first published on Saturday January 28, 2006
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THE typical itinerant salesman in Sikaman is a herbalist. He is normally a slim macho with the capacity to perambulate the expanse of area covering the triangle of Accra-Tema-Ashiaman. In short, he can walk a total of 60 miles a day, marketing a product that cures every disease, including poverty. 
The door-to-door herbal pharmacist advertises his product by word of mouth. He has nothing to do with the Food and Drugs Board (FDB). After all, his concoctions do not feature on FM stations.
Those herbalists who cannot walk to propagate the herbal gospel, liaise with drivers of mass transportation and their mates. They are, therefore, given the chance to sell their products on Benz buses that ply the routes.
Normally, the herbalist starts his sales message with a prayer and Bible study. He asks the passengers to bow down their heads in supplication to God the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.
When a herbalist asks the passengers to close their eyes and bow their heads, Moslems on board naturally feel offended. They feel that the herbalist has no right to assume that every passenger is a Christian. They think such an assumption is an affront to Islam.
So a Moslem on board will raise the hand for a point of order. He’ll remind the herbalist that it would be in his own interest to mind his language.
“Be careful the way you address people in a public place. Not every person here is a Christian,” he’d state assertively.
Of course, the herbalist will promptly ignore him, but would all the same “watch” his tongue. Who knows whether or not the Moslem brother is inspired by Quoranic zeal to defend the tenets of Islam to the hilt?
When he starts saying, “Wallahi!” and “Inshallah!” it could be the beginning of proclaiming Islam as supreme, a point which must be driven home with talibanic precision.
So the herbalist must tread carefully lest he steps on fire.
The herbalist could even add a measure of mirth to it all, by announcing that Christians on board today have very interesting company on the journey, but that should not detract from the business of the day.
The Moslem brother will weigh the words carefully and offer a wry smile.
He must be careful the occasion does not degenerate into the use of semantics and proverbial oration to deride his conviction that public utterances must be mindful of religious sensibilities. He has made his point very clear and expects that it is taken in good faith in the interest of a peaceful journey.
The herbalist will now open the New Testament and preach salvation, stating clearly that salvation can come only through Jesus Christ and NOBODY else.
The Moslem brother will now start twitching his moustache. The visible and almost revolutionary reflexes of his upper lip can be an indication that sentiments have begun superseding reason, and the outcome could well be tragic now shift uneasily in his seat.
The time has come for him to also express his right to the religion of his fore-bears. He’ll put his hand into his pocket and rise to his feet. The time has indeed come!
This article was first published on Saturday, September 9, 2006
When the cause of a particular problem like sickness, disease, sudden illness, a social issue etc. are not known, it stands to reason that resolving it becomes a huge challenge.
Citizens would understand the government when public announcements are made to the effect that government is trying to find a solution to the issue, even though it is taking a while for it to be resolved because citizens are rational beings.
On the other hand, if the solution to a particular issue is known to everybody but the government for whatever reason, is dragging its feet in resolving it, citizens become frustrated and begin to lose trust in their leaders.
One such issue is the heavy traffic along a section of the Kasoa – Odokor road. A short stretch of bad road between the traffic light at the Weija Government Hospital and the entrance to the entrance of the overhead that leads to the N1, is the cause of the problem but nothing is being done about it, day after day, week after week, month after month. Thus is clearly unacceptable.
Another issue that requires urgent attention is the lack of pavements along a lot of streets in parts of the various Municipal Assemblies. Exercise is a prerequisite for long life and healthy living and for those of us who it has become a way of life, this issue of people putting up structures right to the edge of the drains beside the roads, are making life difficult for us.
We are compelled to walk along the roads, putting our lives at serious risk. Pedestrians should never be compelled to compete with vehicles on our streets and roads. Roads and streets are made for vehicles and pavements are made for pedestrians. That is the norm. Any attempt to normalise a situation where pedestrians are mingling with vehicles is insanity.
It is the road regulations that makes it so and therefore district or municipal assemblies are to take responsibility and ensure that spaces for pavements are not encroached upon. Citizens have rights that must be protected by their leaders and making pavements available to pedestrians, is one of them.
When we hear of teachers having sex with students, it appears it is something recent. It is not a new phenomenon. It has been there since Adam. Perhaps this issue is getting much attention due to the proliferation of social media. It was an open secret in times past when Teachers were in relationships with female students and some married them immediately after completion of school.
Some teachers were also known to be having unholy interactions with female pupils but due to the times that these acts occurred, human rights issues and the awareness around it, allowed such unscrupulous teachers to get away with their crimes.
Now we are in a different era and so a Headmaster is now in hot waters. He is alleged to have raped about 19 female students and as usual, some officials tried to cover it up and are also in hot waters and their actions or inactions in the matter are under investigation.
Why the man has been allowed to roam freely without being arrested is simply mind boggling. It appears that the law applies differently, depending on who you are. This issue came to public attention sometime in August this year, yet the police had not arrested or invited this man for question regarding the rape allegation.
It has come out that he is a Constituency Secretary of the ruling party and the question in the public domain is that, is it because he is a political figure that is why he is still walking around without questioning? I believe in the rule of law so let us hold our breadth and let the proper thing be done.
The police must however be seen to be active in this matter. God bless.
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