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Where is that vital respect for the elderly gone?
The Holy Bible says in Ephesians 6: 1-3 that, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honour your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land”. Then 1 Peter 2:7, it says, “Honour all men, love the brotherhood, fear God, honour the King”.
This shows that the Holy Scriptures acknowledge that respect for one another, especially the elderly is so crucial and important in all schemes of affairs on this earth.
RESPECT AND WHAT IT MEANS
Respect in clear terms means that you accept somebody or persons for who they are even when they are different from you or you don’t agree with them. Receiving respect from others is important because it helps us to feel safe and to express ourselves well. Respect in relationship, therefore, builds feelings of trust, safety and well-being.
Though the definition of respect may vary, it usually centres on character, experience and ethics. Respect often starts from an early age and continues to develop over time. Growing up, our parents usually taught us to show respect to people and things from different backgrounds. We were taught to respect authority, such as teachers, the security apparatus and more importantly our elders and senior citizens. Many of us were also taught to show respect to our dear country or the national flag which is the identity of the nation. Sometimes we respect a position not necessarily the person who occupies that position which is not healthy and the best option.
WHY IS RESPECT IMPORTANT?
Someone may ask why is respect important? The answer is very simple and straightforward. It is an essential qualification for a successful career and is sought after your progress through various stages of leadership and responsibility. Simply put, it is something that you want to earn and something you want to bestow. Wherever you are on your career path, it is never too late to focus on recognising those who deserve respect and for you to broaden your efforts to earn the respect of business associates.
It is important to note that these days, respect for one another, especially respecting the elderly by the youth has become a major problem in this beautiful country of ours called Ghana. The youth of today, see nothing wrong in disobeying and showing respect to the elderly in the society. They continue to ignore pieces of advice from the older generation and often pour venom on them at the least opportunity without any justifiable reason. Many young people are hesitant to show respect to adults if they have been disrespected by other adults.
TODAY’S YOUTH BEING DISRESPECTFUL
One may ask why today’s youth are so disrespectful? The answer is simply because of lack of manners. Whereas previous generations misbehaved as a rebellion against authorities, some of today’s youth are so caught up in their own self belief that no authorities exist in their minds.
Experts feel that the times have changed and the entire society has undergone a vast transformation. The youth of today are certainly not thoughtless or insensitive, but it is just that competition has increased so much that possibly these youngsters have little time and patience. They prefer faster pace of maintaining relation which is via internet or Facebook. Besides, much also depends on the upbringing and values inculcated in them by their parents. Lots depend on the upbringing by parents as they failed to impact good manners which is an asset in personal and professional lives. A well- mannered person commands more respect in society.
PARENTS SHIRKING THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES
It is a fact that most parents of today are a contributory factor to the indiscipline and disrespect to the elderly by their children. They are, indeed, doing a great disservice and leading them astray because these parents for reasons best known to themselves, don’t show interest in their upbringing. Their children dress anyhow, thus exposing their bodies and when the elders try to correct them, then the insults emanate.
The electronic devices such as the internet, mobile phones, with their resultant Facebook (now Meta), Instagram, WhatsApp, among others, have also aggravated the situation with all kinds of dirty and pornographic materials and negative foreign cultures, from which our youth try to copy blindly and you dare not talk of this bad and negative behaviours. The internet and the social media have become the platform for the youth to insult people in high authority by posting all kinds of dirty, obnoxious and unprintable materials castigating people with unfounded allegations.
YOUTH NOT INTERESTED IN ELDERLY ADVICE
The youth of today feel they are on top of issues and, therefore, need no guidance nor advice from anyone on how to manage their affairs. They don’t want to take any advice from the elderly as they consider them people who have outlived their usefulness and are bereft of ideas. They fail to realise that the older generation is a repository of wisdom that they can take advantage of and tap for their own good.
Parents have a major responsibility and task of ensuring that their children are well trained and cultured to respect older people. On regular basis they have to talk to their children to respect the elderly and also to tell them that their behaviour matters a lot to them since they don’t want any disappointment from them whatsoever. They have to explain to their children that they need to be polite to people they know as well as strangers. It is important for parents to make sure that their children know that there are no exceptions to being polite and courteous to elders.
ESSENCE OF RESPECTING THE ELDERLY
Showing respect to others is reciprocal. It simply means that you can get the same amount of respect as you give out. Showing appreciation of kindness is impossible without reverence. The fact is you cannot appreciate someone or something you do not hold in high esteem. You cannot really appreciate God if you do not respect Him. Being respectful shows you are grateful. When respect is lost, trust is lost. The bridge to gaining the trust of others is built by respect. Trust is, therefore, a valuable commodity.
The fact is that people you respect, will not only respect you back, but they will love you also. In reality your respect for others will be the foundation of their love for you. Respect is one of the things that make you teach better people because people will like to hear from you. When you show respect to others, people will look up to you to teach them about things. Finally, not only will your social life improve when you respect others. Your life in general, will become better as a result of respecting others.
Showing respect to others irrespective of their background is so crucial and vital and we need to cultivate this habit to forge ahead. Parents must also show much interest in their children and ensure that they get the needed training that will promote mutual respect for one another, more importantly for the elderly in the society.
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By Charles Neequaye
THE state of feeling rejected, could be a terrifying experience especially for those who have become used to fame. If not properly addressed, it could lead to depression and the consequences, could be disastrous.
When you are on top of your game in whatever profession you find yourself such that you become famous, a lot of people try to associate with you. The phone never ceases to ring and one is tempted to feel loved and very important.
When a disaster strikes and the fame or the money which was the source of the attraction fades away, the circle of friends and fans begin to shrink and the phone will start to stop ringing until the call stops voting completely.
You will be shocked at how people you considered friends, will no longer be calling you or pay casual visits as they used to. You will begin to notice that messages you leave after calling them and not getting a response are not replied to and that is when you begin to know who your true friends are.
One of the most popular movie stars was an actress called Sharon Stone. In an interview with one of the media houses that was published, she spoke about how people who should have come around to encourage her in her moment of depression, shunned her. The calls stopped coming.
This is what the Bible admonishes that the arm of flesh will fail you and therefore we should put our trust in God. It could be a very frightening experience and can easily lead to depression.
Human nature being what it is, people will want to get close if things are okay. Everybody wants to associate themselves with interesting things, famous people, rich people etc for mainly selfish reasons.
We need to develop the habit of putting our trust in God and relying less on human beings. The lesson we have to take along in life is that, no one marries his or her enemy so how come people who took vows that they will love each other become so hostile to each other that they want to go their separate ways in life? Such is the reality of life.
It is therefore prudent for people to recognise that, life is full of uncertainties and so there is the need to prepare your mind for uncertainties so that when they occur, they do not disorganise your mental sanity.
A lot of people have experienced situations where people who they could have sworn will never betray their trust have disappointed them when they were through challenging moments.
If there is one thing famous people should desire, it should be the ability to identify who are true friends are. Countless stories abound regarding incidence of celebrities who have lost their shine and their wives divorcing them soon after.
It is sometimes useful as a famous or rich person to sign a prenuptial agreement before marriage to safeguard or protect yourself from any future unpleasant surprises.
People can be very pretentious these days, it goes both ways. There is this real life story where a man married a divorced wealthy woman and convinced her to sell her house so they could build a new one together, with the excuse that people are gossiping that he is being housed by a woman.
The woman agreed and they put up a new building. After a few years the man asked for a divorce, only for the woman to realise that the land on which the building was situated, was bought in the man’s name.
This can drive a person insane, if you are not mentally tough and this happens to you. When people hear that you are homeless, a lot of your so-called friends will stop calling, so that you do not become a burden on them.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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‘But, er …. I don’t even know your name’.
‘Paul. Paul Allotey. I’m Sarah, by the way. Paul, why don’t you leave me here, since this is the last important thing I’m doing today’.
‘Okay. Now Sarah. I was just thinking. You will be here at the cafe for about an hour. By then it will be about twelve thirty. Then, you would be thinking of buying yourself some lunch, to eat here or to take home. So if you would please allow me, I will take you to one of the nicest eating places in town, and after you have sorted that one out, then I can drop you home. Just that one errand, then I won’t bother you again’.
‘You are not bothering me at all. You are being very kind to me. And I just realised you are a mind reader too. The last item on my agenda was lunch’.
‘I’m so glad I appeared at your doorstep, just in time’.
‘Okay. Now Paul, since you say the cafe is a comfortable place, let’s go in together, and you can do your work while I get my application done’.
‘Okay, Sarah. Thanks. Let’s go’.
We got back in the car at eleven forty-five.
‘So where are we going, Paul?’
‘To Royalty restaurant. It’s a twenty minute drive away’.
‘So, do you enjoy your job?’
‘Most certainly. I won’t change it, not even to be President. And am I right to say that you are preparing to enter the university?’
‘That’s my plan. I hope it works’.
‘It will, if you are determined, and disciplined. You look very much like a disciplined person’.
‘Thank you very much’.
We arrived at Royalty in twenty-five minutes, ‘You are joining me for lunch, Paul’.
‘Thanks for the honour, Sarah. But the bill is on me’.
‘Aren’t you taking on too much for one day?’
‘I never do anything that is bigger than me, Sarah’.
Over the next hour and a half, we discussed fashion, local and international politics, and sports, as we ate and relaxed. Finally, he drove me to the shop.
‘I will never forget you, Paul’.
‘I’m glad to have been helpful. But if you don’t mind, I’ll say it again, your husband is extremely lucky. You are really beautiful’.
‘Thanks again. But do you mind if I call you sometime in the future?’
‘Certainly not. Let me write it here. I will not ask for your number, for obvious reasons. But I will be looking forward to hearing from you. And hopefully, I will see you next month, when I call to drop your bill’.
‘Okay Paul. See you then’. What a lovely day, I said to myself as I opened the front door. I closed the shop and got home by seven. I went straight to the bedroom, stood in the mirror and took a good look at myself. ‘You are a very beautiful woman, Sarah. Never forget that’. I will not forget that, again.
Over the next several weeks, Martin and I had very little to do with each other. In the morning he ate his breakfast and after a shabby ‘I’m going’, he left. He came home around eight at the earliest, ate his dinner and, already soaked in beer, went off to sleep.
He spent the greater part of the weekends at the club house with his friends, playing tennis and partying. My mind was focused on furthering my education, so I didn’t complain to him, and didn’t bother to inform my parents about what was happening. I had decided that I would only take action if he lifted his hand against me again. I spent my free time reading all manner of interesting stuff on the internet, and chatting with my sister on WhatsApp.
One evening, he came home at about eight, rushed to the bedroom and rushed out. An envelope, obviously containing money, dropped out of his pocket, and I picked it up and followed him. I was going to call him and give it to him, but I noticed that there was a young woman in the car, so I went back in, counted it and put it in a drawer in the hall. He came back after some ten minutes.
‘Excuse me, I dropped an envelope containing money. You must have seen it’.
‘Yes, I saw it. Actually, I followed you, and was about to call you and hand it over to you when I realised that there was a woman in the car, so I came back in. I counted it. One thousand cedis.
‘Well let me have it. I have to be going’.
‘I will let you have it if you will tell me who the woman in the car is, and why you are going to give her that amount of money’.
‘Listen, if you waste my time, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Give me the money now!’
‘Here’s what we will do, Martin. I know you will give money to her anyway, so I will give it to you, if you will withdraw the threat you just issued. But I want you to know that I will be taking some steps from tomorrow. Things are getting out of hand’.
‘Okay, I’m sorry I threatened you. Can you please give me the money’. I handed it over to him, and he ran out’.
The following morning, I waited for him to finish having breakfast, and told him I wanted to have a word with him urgently.
‘You better be quick. You know I’m going to work’.
‘Well, I want to inform you that I will inform my parents, and your parents, about the situation in this house. As I said yesterday, things are getting out of hand. You spend most of your time drinking. You get drunk every evening, and through the weekend. And you are also spending your time and money on a prostitute’.
‘How dare you? One more stupid word from you …’
‘Am I lying, Martin? You have just started life, yet you are behaving like a rich, elderly man who has already seen his children through university, and can afford a life of fun. As I said, I’m going to inform our parents. Maybe your parents can straighten you out before it is too late’.
‘Look, we can talk this evening. It’s nothing like what you are saying’. He walked away, shocked.
That evening, I was expecting to have a meaningful discussion with him, but his mother called early in the evening to offer me some ‘advice’. Her son had called to say that certain developments at home were disturbing him so much that they were beginning to affect his work.
And, ‘as a loving mother to her daughter’, she was advising me to submit to my husband, and support him in prayer, and not ‘drive him from home’. Men would always be men, and she was telling me ‘from experience’ that no matter how much time Martin stayed away from home, he would always come home to me.
She had been a young wife before, so she understood the challenges I was facing. So I could be assured that if I followed her advice, all would be well. And, of course, she didn’t allow me to tell my side of the story.
Martin came home very late, and very drunk. And from the next morning, he carried on as before. With some hesitation, I called my dad and told him all that had gone on.
‘Well, my daughter. I’m not going to say “I told you so”. I was only trying to protect you. So here’s what we’ll do. Continue doing the best you can, and try not to give him any excuse to harm you, but if things continue to deteriorate, I will take you back.
A couple of days later, my cousin Dinah arrived in Accra from Brussels, having completed her medical course. With Martin’s agreement, I went to Koforidua and spent a couple of days. I spent most of the time chatting about her experiences in the US, but we also discussed my relationship with Martin, and she endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if Martin’s behaviour did not change after two weeks Elaine informed Mom and Dad. We endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if there was no change in two weeks.
Dinah returned with me to Takoradi. Her plan was to spend a couple of weeks, and return to Accra to be posted. I called Paul Allotey, and asked if he would meet her for lunch and, if possible, show her some interesting spots. Delighted, he suggested that we meet at Royalty the next day.
I told Martin about it, to remove any possibility of future disagreement over ‘going out with men’.
‘It’s fine with me’, he said, ‘if, of all the people who could show your sister round this town, you chose a borla man. Doesn’t that indicate the kind of person you are?’
‘ First of all, Martin’, I’ve spoken to him a few times, and he comes across as a decent guy, so I think it is rather unfortunate that you are writing him off when you don’t know him’.
By Ekow de Heer
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