Features
The political sprint race about to begin

Sikaman Palava
Elections in Sikaman are often interesting, especially at the primary level. It is at this level that people can vote against you because your face is too bushy.
Others will vote for you because of your American haircut or your Arabic moustache which has been jerry-curled.
A delegate will cast a vote against you simply because he feels you are too fond of eating kokonte at ‘CHOP BETTER’ chop bar. He might not realise that your addiction to kokonte is like an addiction to cocaine and even if you become a head-of-state you cannot resist facing the wall.

At the primaries, you are given the passport to hell. Getting elected can be pretty easy, but given the nod can induce palpitation because it places a huge burden on your head. First, you must start looking for cash. You’ll start estimating the value of the cocoa farm your father left behind when he passed away.
Or will a foreign loan do?
Whatever it is, Ghana politics cannot be ran on an empty back pocket. You must budget for palm wine for the folks who’ll double as your foot-soldiers; organisers of canopies and those who buy you ‘waakye’ and ‘pure-water’. They form the core of your utility staff. They are a necessary evil.
SQUASH
Naturally, some people won’t take palm wine. It doesn’t kick them! To then palm wine is softer than orange squash. So you have to budget for ‘akpeteshie’ better known as ‘kele’. You must apportion money for hot kenkey and plenty of fish, because you’ll be advised that when you give somebody ‘ogoglo’, you better follow it up with food.
Your budget must include funeral donations, outdooring gifts, payment of school fees of people who irritate you, just to get the votes of their parents. When you put pen to paper and add money for courting floating voters and incidentals, you’ll start considering whether it was worth entering the race.
The problem with it is that, once you have entered as an aspiring MP there is no U-turn. You can’t go and tell your constituents that based on your calculations you have decided to chicken out. You just don’t have the cash to finance your campaign so it is better to quit than face disgrace. That will not be.
OPTION
The option available is to seek a money lender and promise him that when you win, you’ll make him the Minister of Finance. And if he is stupid enough to believe it, then you are a goner.
The politicking becomes more interesting when you get to the presidential level. The problem with every politician is that he (or she) has ambitions to become president one day either through providence or by mistake.
So the scramble to the nation’s top post can become quite frantic, because all manner of people keep day-dreaming and fantasising about becoming president although they know somehow that it is impossible.
Getting to the top has nothing to do with fantasy. It takes hard-work to accomplish, aside all the other factors like charisma, financial support, powerful manifestoes and even political gimmicking.
When the Peoples National Convention (PNC) held its congress, I fondly remembered Dr. Limann. He used to carry his campaign message by putting it on the lips of his countrymen. “Any challenger, no challenger! Dr Limann, no challenger.”
His supporters added spice to it: ‘Any challanga, no challanga, Dr. Limann, no challanga!’ Others in his team adopted the Jimmy Carter booster, “Jimmy who? Jimmy Carter!” Some newspapers carried it: “Li who? Limann!” And Limann won to kick start the third republic.
Soon Flt Lt. Jerry Rawlings started eyeing the castle seat with keen interest. He had earlier warned Dr Limann to squat well on the stool and to do some house-cleaning. Dr. Limann agreed but soon forgot all – about the Jerry Rawlings accord, and – before Jack Robinson came to mind, the stool of power was wrestled from under his buttocks.
Today, Limann is no more. May his soul rest in peace. His political legacy is in the palms of Dr. Edward Mahama, a brilliant doctor turned politician. His ‘two sure two direct’ slogan caught on quite well as he appealed to the Zongo communities to rally to the PNC call.
Last Saturday, he became one of the men to have been elected three times to lead the party to the polls. It means his people have confidence in him. With his victory at congress comes the era of Kofi Wayo, the rapping-machine who knows how to blow his own horn, because nobody will blow it for him anyway.
He has brought a hint of American politicking into the game and clinched 185 votes at congress, far less than Dr. Mahama. And he says he was very surprised to get that much. He had thought he would only get about 45. Surely, he’ll be made the flag bearer’s running mate and we can all expect fireworks as usual.
PRESSURE
The overall political temperature is rising gradually. Alliances are being discussed and forged. Those who have won primaries are busy developing high blood pressure. Others have already started having running stomachs. The excitement is rising day after day as the NPP and NDC warm up for the contest of the decade. All the parties have elected their flag bearers.
What Ghanaians are praying for is peace. They value it because it is precious. Politics is a game, not guerilla warfare. While campaigning on platforms, politicians should preach peace alongside their manifestoes.
What brings conflict? It is the tongue. If you mount a platform and start insulting political opponents, certainly that isn’t politics. It is simply war-mongering. Sometimes, it starts via the airwaves and it is carried to the platforms.
What the people want to hear is not how foolish you think your opponents are, but what you think you can do for dear Ghana. For once, let us forget about our opponents and preach the gospel of what we can do, for which reason we want the endorsement of the people of Sikaman.
This article was first published on Saturday, June 5, 2004
Features
Female bodies for sale

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?
Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.
For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.
The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.
It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.
Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.
In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.
They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.
Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.
Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.
So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.
There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.
Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.
When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.
So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!
Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.
So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?
Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.
Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”
They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.
Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.
That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.
This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996
Features
The right mindset is everything
This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years. The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive.
Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members. FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition.
Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament. Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil.
Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.
There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries.
The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran. The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches. The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay. They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day.
They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting. Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.
This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.
Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.
There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it. The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference.
The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful. They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it.
Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.
As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood. Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them.
We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country. Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge. God bless.
By Laud Kissi-Mensah
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