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The beauty of rural Easter

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A church having their Easter convention

SOMETIMES, it is good tonic going to the village to celebrate an occasion like Easter. But it all really depends on whether you know your hometown or not. You can’t go where you don’t know unless you are led like a blind man.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

The problem is that many have been born outside their ancestral homes and have since then not had the courage or the money to travel and see the birth place of their forefathers.

For those who know their home-town, going back to celebrate the Easter is normally easy especially when they are not suffering from a financial disease.

However, my former classmate Kwame Korkorti has just reiterated that he would never go to his hometown again because he is the target of witches.

Yes, it is twelve good years now since the guy touched his roots. The last time he was there, he was nearly converted into a billy goat to be slaughtered for groundnut soup. He had about 13 nightmares in a single night and courtesy calls from witches of all kinds, profile and red-eye.

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Apparently, they had come at mid-night to welcome back the great Korkorti Asamoah from the capital city. But the welcome ceremony was rather unorthodox. Instead of sitting down and exchanging greetings and telling of their mission, they rather held Korkorti’s limbs and started dragging him to where he didn’t know.

If the great Korkorti had not turned to Christ and shouted “Jesus!” for seven consecutive times, he would have ended up in the soup-pot, clean! But God was on his side and Jesus heard his cry. Korkorti has never been a religious person, but when it comes to matters of life and death, he knows where power lies.

Witch or no witch, going back to your hometown on an occasion is always a refreshing idea. Rural life is particularly exciting when palm wine is in season. The price is not like that of beer.

Moreover, palm wine is a health-drink. The dregs are laden with what any ‘unbeliever’ would term impurities. But believe me, the chemistry concerning the benefits of these ‘impurities’ is not far-fetched. The dregs have yeast in unusually large quantities.

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Legend also has it that the impurities have been the magic that has kept wives from divorcing their husbands, even when the husbands are poor to the point of hopelessness.

At least, when these husbands drink the dregs of palm wine, they fulfil their marital obligations in style, keeping the marital bed hot and throbbing. The secret of a happy home indeed lies in the dregs of palm wine. Unfortunately, people do not know.

Yeah, Easter in the village is not a bad idea at all. Right from Palm Sunday, the action starts because most people equate Palm Sunday with palm nut soup.

There are certain rare herbs that are introduced in palmnut soup to make it delicious albeit rural. You won’t find such herbs in Accra. Bush meat also makes a difference.

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Then comes GOOD FRIDAY when Jesus was betrayed by one of his right-hand men JUDAS ISCARIOT. He is the man who deserves the most honour, being the person who gave out Jesus to be crucified, so that mankind can be saved.

Those who hate Judas should repent today and start loving him. Without him, there would have been no hope for you and me.

In the villages, people consciously or unconsciously acknowledge the role played by Judas the bad boy. They express this in the course of what can be termed an alcoholic festival during which mixtures are permitted.

You can combine akpet with palmwine, add a little beer and finally top it with gin and akpet again. If the next dawn you find yourself sprawled in a dirty gutter, don’t be surprised. It all goes to confirm the fact that Judas’ role was indeed a hard one.

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Holy Saturday is normally a day that begins with a hangover. And the ‘ghost’ must be cleared otherwise you’ll still be seeing things in twos and threes although you’re not suffering from kooko. Two tots of gin clears the eye and also opens the stomach for food.

Easter Sunday or is it Holy Sunday? Is more religious in outlook. People dress in their best clothes and their style of walking to church is always varied depending on where they come from to spend the Easter. In fact, it all depends on whether they come from Accra, Kumasi, Obo Kwahu, Tapa Abotoase or Teteman.

Those from Accra normally want to show a bit of class and therefore dance to church rather than walk. And before they sit on the pew, they spin round to see if people are admiring them. In fact, they are stylish.

You can also observe that those from Kumasi are often flamboyantly dressed. And when they walk to church, you’d think they are about to fly. Even the proverbial vulture in all his pomp and majesty, fully bedecked in royal kente will not be that airborne. Kumasi is not a cheap city, you know!

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Other celebrants are of course also finely dressed and some walk to the church as if they are hurrying to catch grasscutter. The sermon is normally lively primarily because people from Accra are around.

The pastor becomes charged with the spirit and he delivers the word while employing heavenly gestures to stress biblical points.

As for the catechist, this is his day of glory. He is extra holy and he is the centre of attraction. The entire church revolves around him. It is he who can ask the Holy Spirit not to descend.

After the church service, everything becomes easy-going again with ‘palms’ featuring prominently and pestles crashing against motars to signify that fufu is being manufactured.

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Monday is picnic-time. It is usually a sort of bring-your bottle and ‘supply your own food’ palaver. But it is always prudent to make allowance for gate-crashers. They bring nothing but go home the most bellyful.

Well, it is all a matter of loving your neighbour as yourself.

Even if you’re given a slap on the left cheek, you must reckon that is not enough; and you musn’t slap back. Instead, you have to turn your right cheek too and invite the slappist or the slapper to do the job on this one too. That is the only way you can go to heaven. So those who are always thinking about revenge should take note.

Monday! Everybody who comes from ‘away’ goes back to base. The next day, the cart pullers would start work, the civil servants would continue with their demand for more pay, traders would start quarrelling and selling and life grinds on and on.

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The Easter is over and this shows clearly in the slimness of the back-pocket. But wasn’t it worth it? It was! You’ve at least gone to the village and taken the dregs of palm wine to make your wife happy. But remember there is something called Family Planning.

This article was first published on Saturday April 22, 1995

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Female bodies for sale

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A man and a woman walking together

It is still the contention of my uncle, Kofi Jogolo, that the moment God created woman, He created a big problem for man. If not, why would man always have to trim his moustache in such a way as to please woman and not himself? And why would a man’s holy organ keep nodding like an agama lizard just because there is a creation called woman?

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Sir Kofi Jogolo whose moustache deserves both a national award and mention in the Guinness Book of Records for its stylish variations, told me recently that when you marry, you have palaver; if you don’t marry, you have wahala. All because of woman. I think the bloke is a reincarnation of Paul. Only he looks like Peter.

For those who do not marry, they may be free of marital problems, but might be in sexual bondage, because at dawn, a certain part of the body might nod in distress. It is a wonderful part of the human body that smiles with joy when a woman is lying within arm’s length.

The unmarried may not have to wait until dawn, though. After all, who says you can satisfy a sexual need only at dawn? If there is no girlfriend, there is still a way out. FEMALE BODIES FOR SALE! You only have to ask, “How much?” Sometimes it is worth the price of only two balls of kenkey.

It is for this reason that some people do not discourage women from practising prostitution because they claim the women play a vital role in national development. According to them, first, the nation cannot develop when the citizens are sex-starved. Second, they claim prostitution keeps down figures of rape cases since it is due to the scarcity of female bodies that the incidence of rape is rising.

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Well, some people really adore prostitutes. With them you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Moreover, you can skip foreplay which many people don’t have the patience for because of their high sexual temperature, or because they consider it a waste of time. And when you pay well, you can enjoy the style you want.

In actual fact, some married men also go in for prostitutes once in a while. They claim that prostitutes do not complain in bed like their wives. When you ask them to raise a leg, they comply without argument.

They also say prostitutes who are experienced can really work on certain parts of your body enough to make you blaspheme. Holy Jesus! The difference is clear then that with prostitutes you pay for the service but with wives it is for free, meaning that the quality of service must differ accordingly.

Many men also say they prefer prostitutes to girlfriends because of “back-pocket palaver”. It is their contention that with girlfriends you have to specialise in telling lies about your credit worthiness especially when you’re not only a human being but also a church mouse.

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Sometimes you have to buy beer and gin because some girlfriends would not like to have sex unless they are properly soaked in booze. You also have to sing them lullabies and recite poetry to turn them on. Ask Devine Ankamah. That’s not all. When all is finished, you have to dish transport money, and if you’re not lucky she’d ask you to settle a “carry forward” you had planned to dodge.

So for just two probably lousy rounds of enjoyment, you’d spend some ¢15,000 if hotel services are included, unless you choose a hotel room where cockroaches and rats don’t practise family planning.

There are those who believe that with prostitutes, you don’t have to tell lies. It is purely business. No credit, no debit. Money na hand back na ground. When you are through and refuse to pay, she’ll cause a scene, scratch your face red and drag your butt onto the street. Next time you don’t have money, you stick to your wife or girlfriend or to your sorrows.

Prostitution in Sikaman is widespread. News reaching Palava have it that in the Obuasi area, it is the major occupation of females. They are in lucrative business. They come from all over the country -Bolga, Tamale, Kumasi, Sunyani, Accra, Odumase, wherever. A few are said to have come from Lagos in full gear.

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When they all come, they sometimes don’t do so with only their bodies and luggage. They also carry with them something small in the form of a disease called AIDS which they distribute free of charge.

So why Obuasi? Gold! The great successes of Ashanti Goldfields combined with the notoriety and boom of galamsey activities have acted as a magnet, drawing in those who peddle their bodies for cash. No cheques!

Sometime back, it was reported that AIDS cases in the Obuasi area had soared. The reason, prostitution. Obuasi prostitutes are, however, of class. They dress to kill. Some speak even more languages, so if you’re a client and you speak even in tongues, they understand. And they drink beer exactly like Germans.

So what really are we doing about these prostitutes who, some say are contributing to national development and others say are enhancing national obituary?

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Sikaman Palava has said it once that the law enforcement agencies have tried time and again to rid them off the streets. They have always failed in doing so. The problem is that they are as slippery as the cockroach. When harassed, they disappear and practise all the same. If caught, they are fined and the next day they are firmly at post.

Some people say because we can’t get rid of them, we must neither encourage nor discourage them. We must find a way of organising them into co-operatives under the name of “SPECIAL HUMAN SERVICES.”

They’d undergo medical screening and those with AIDS banned from practising. The rest would undergo a course in the cause, prevention and cure of sexually-transmitted diseases, personal hygiene, condom use and the healthful ways of practising prostitution.

Then they can be let loose to practise under laid-down rules and regulations and their income taxed.

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That way, the prostitutes would be more beneficial to society and would not be the problem we see them to be.

 This article was first published on Saturday June 29, 1996

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The right mindset is everything

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This year June and part of July, is an enjoyable season for football lovers due to the World Cup which is held every four years.  The World Cup is such a huge event and also very prestigious so it is highly competitive. 

Countries registered with the Federation of International Football Association, (FIFA) become automatic members.  FIFA organises tournaments on the five continents of the world, to enable countries to be selected to play in the World Cup competition. 

Governments support their national teams to ensure qualification to the World Cup due to the prestigious nature of the tournament.  Certain countries even go to the extent of renting a place of their choice, instead of the accommodation provided by FIFA, to ensure that they win the ultimate crown, as Germany did in the 2014 tournament in Brazil. 

Mental strength a requisite for emerging victorious in football matches at such high professional level and everything must be done to endure that players are focused on the matches ahead of them.

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There is however, a peculiar situation in this year’s World Cup, where it is being hosted by three countries namely the United States of America, Mexico and Canada and where one of the host countries, is at war with one of the competing countries. 

The United States of America, is waging a war against Iran.  The US has prevented Iran from staying in the US where they were originally scheduled by FIFA to play their matches.  The US using its power as the host country, has refused to let Iran to stay and FIFA has provided a place in Mexico for the Iranian team to stay.  They have to spend about five hours to fly to the US and prepare to get ready for their matches, each match day. 

They are also forced to leave the US as soon as they finish playing their matches, without resting.  Despite this inhumane treatment being forced on them by the USA, the Iranian team is mentally strong and have managed to draw their two matches played.  

This is a clear manifestation of mental toughness, resulting from having the right mindset.

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Life has a way of often dealing bad cards to a lot of people but it is important that when it happens like that, you look at what you can do with what you have, to still achieve the goals you have set for yourself.

 There is a saying that when life throws you a lemon you make lemonade out of it.  The barriers confronting you might be great, but it is the attitude you display that makes the difference. 

The Iranians have really shown that the right mindset is indeed everything you need to be successful.  They looked at their situation and assessed what was not going in their favour and found appropriate steps to address it. 

Given the teams Iran was to play, the challenge was indeed huge, given the circumstances they found themselves in, but the right mindset to never give up, did the trick for them.

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As human beings, we are always confronted with challenges, right from the day we start to crawl, the day we take our first steps and as we continue to grow into adulthood.  Challenges are part of our daily lives and we must therefore condition our minds, that we shall encounter them and so must constantly be innovative in overcoming them, when we encounter them. 

We need as a country, to develop a critical thinking skill capabilities in our youth, as an investment in the future fortunes of this country.  Developing the right mindset, will enable us overcome every challenge.  God bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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