Relationship
Some signs you are not ready to get married
• Be on the same page
The question has been popped, and you have said yes. You’ve excitedly announced your engagement to all your family and friends. But as you start planning your wedding, you just aren’t feeling it.
You are having second thoughts. Is it a case of cold feet, or something more? Not ready to get married? Are you able to look at glaring signs you’re not ready for a relationship?
Here are some signs that you are not ready to get married
•You have only known your partner a short while
It has only been six months, but every moment together has been bliss. You can’t stop thinking about them. You never want to be away from their side. When not together, you text constantly. This must be love, right?
Not really.
During the first year, you are in the infatuation stage of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you won’t marry your partner one day. But you need time to learn more about this person before committing to them.
During the first year, everything looks rosy. A few months down the line you could find yourself saying, “not sure about marriage.”
Making an important life-altering decision while wearing the rose-colored glasses of infatuation would be a mistake.
If this is the real deal, love will last, giving you more time to better assess everything about your mate—the good and the not-so-good—so that you can walk down the aisle truly knowing who this person is.
•You are uncomfortable sharing your deep, dark secrets
A healthy, loving marriage is made up of two people who know each other’s secrets and still love each other. If you are hiding something significant, a former marriage, a bad credit history, a substance abuse problem (even if resolved)—you aren’t ready to marry that person.
If you are afraid that your partner will judge you, you need to work on where that fear is coming from. You want to be able to be authentically you, and still be loved, when saying “I do.”
•You don’t fight well
If your couple’s pattern of conflict resolution is one person giving in to the other just to keep the peace, you aren’t ready to get married.
Happy couples learn to communicate their grievances in ways that move towards mutual satisfaction, or at least mutual understanding of the other person’s viewpoint.
If one of you consistently gives in to the other, just so tempers will not flare, this will only breed resentment in your relationship.
Before getting married, do some work, either by reading advice books or talking to a counselor, so you learn how to handle the inevitable conflicts that arise in all relationships.
If you sense that you are not willing to “fight intelligently”, you are not ready to get married.
To be continued…
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
The price of ‘I do’: Why money honesty is the real marriage insurance –Part 2
She did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number-not his-and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢ 40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counsellor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
How To Buy Your Marriage Insurance Today – My 5-Step Protocol
If you are engaged, newly married, or even 20 years in marriage, you can still fix this. At Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, this is what I give couples:
Step 1: The 90-Minute Money Naked Session.
No phones, no blame. Each partner writes down on paper: Monthly income, monthly debts, monthly family obligations, savings, and your biggest money fear. Then you exchange papers. Read it. Don’t react for 24 hours. Just absorb.
Step 2: Create OUR Money, YOUR Money, My Money.
You need three pots. OUR money for rent, food, school fees, utilities, properties, and the like— joint contribution. YOUR money and MY money—a small agreed allowance no one questions. This stops the feeling of being controlled.
Step 3: The No-Secret Debt Rule.
Agree from today: No new loan, no new hire purchase, no new family financial commitment above GHS 500 without telling each other first. Not permission, but information.
Step 4: Talk About Your Money Personality.
Are you a Spender or a Saver? Are you Risky or Safe? Most Ghanaian marriages are a Spender married to a Saver. Neither is wrong. But if you don’t understand your partner’s personality, you will call his saving “stinginess” and her spending “wastefulness.”
Step 5: Do a Monthly 30-Minute Money Date
Not an argument date. Light, with tea. “How did we do this month? What worried you? What should we plan for next month?” Couples who do this divorce far less.
My Final Word
Before you say “I Do” at the altar, have pre-marital counselling and also have the money talk on the sofa.
Ask your partner:
“If I lost my job today, how long can we survive?”
“What debt are you bringing into this marriage?”
“How much do you send to your family monthly and will that continue?”
If he or she gets angry that you asked, don’t get married yet. A person who is angry about accountability will be abusive about money.
Marriage insurance is not bought at Star Assurance or Enterprise. It is bought in honest conversations when no one is watching.
The wedding costs one day. The marriage costs a lifetime. Don’t enter a lifetime contract and covenant with hidden costs.
You can still insure your marriage today.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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