Relationship
Six ways to start the New Year with your spouse
The New Year is here. It is a time of year when individuals, couples, and families take time to look back at the year that just passed, and look forward to the coming months.
Here are six ways the couples can start the New Year together.
1. Recap this past year.
Knowing what you want out of the New Year becomes clearer when you recap the year that has passed. Talk about this past year together, focusing on all notable elements of the year.
What amazing things would you like to remember, and repeat, if possible? What did not work out? What do you want to leave behind, and what do you want to bring with you into the New Year?
2. Talk about the coming New Year
What are you anticipating about this New Year? Talk about it together. Share what you hope to learn this year, and what you hope to accomplish.
What are you both looking forward to, as individuals? What are you looking forward to as a couple? In what areas can you work together, and in what areas can you provide support and cheer each other on?
3. Share your dreams with one another
Dreaming is healthy. It brings us hope and happiness, and helps us believe that anything is possible. Fuel that positivity and optimism as you enter the New Year together. Do you have big dreams for the New Year? Share them with one another so you can be each other’s biggest cheerleader.
4. Set tangible and actionable goals
Setting New Year’s goals that are both tangible and actionable will help you each start taking steps to making the changes you want to make in your life. Whether you’re looking to break an old habit, create a new one, or accomplish something big this year, create goals–even smaller goals–that will carry you where you want to go. Then, share these goals with one another so you can help each other stay on track.
5. Let go of last year’s pain
It is not beneficial to hold onto pain from the past year. Where possible, let go of painful memories and hard feelings as you move into the New Year. Carrying pain with you will only drag you down and keep you from creating the year you’re dreaming of.
That said, there are some circumstances and situations that are not easy to leave behind. If you’re struggling with grief or circumstances beyond your control, it may be beneficial to seek professional counseling in order to get the support you need to thrive in the New Year.
6. Reprioritise for the New Year
Reflect together on your priorities from the past year. What did they look like? Do you want to keep your priorities the same, or do they need to shift in the New Year? Now is the best time to revisit your priorities and make adjustments where needed. If you and your spouse can do that together, even better.
Start the New Year off on the right foot.
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
The price of ‘I do’: Why money honesty is the real marriage insurance –Part 2
She did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number-not his-and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢ 40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counsellor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
How To Buy Your Marriage Insurance Today – My 5-Step Protocol
If you are engaged, newly married, or even 20 years in marriage, you can still fix this. At Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, this is what I give couples:
Step 1: The 90-Minute Money Naked Session.
No phones, no blame. Each partner writes down on paper: Monthly income, monthly debts, monthly family obligations, savings, and your biggest money fear. Then you exchange papers. Read it. Don’t react for 24 hours. Just absorb.
Step 2: Create OUR Money, YOUR Money, My Money.
You need three pots. OUR money for rent, food, school fees, utilities, properties, and the like— joint contribution. YOUR money and MY money—a small agreed allowance no one questions. This stops the feeling of being controlled.
Step 3: The No-Secret Debt Rule.
Agree from today: No new loan, no new hire purchase, no new family financial commitment above GHS 500 without telling each other first. Not permission, but information.
Step 4: Talk About Your Money Personality.
Are you a Spender or a Saver? Are you Risky or Safe? Most Ghanaian marriages are a Spender married to a Saver. Neither is wrong. But if you don’t understand your partner’s personality, you will call his saving “stinginess” and her spending “wastefulness.”
Step 5: Do a Monthly 30-Minute Money Date
Not an argument date. Light, with tea. “How did we do this month? What worried you? What should we plan for next month?” Couples who do this divorce far less.
My Final Word
Before you say “I Do” at the altar, have pre-marital counselling and also have the money talk on the sofa.
Ask your partner:
“If I lost my job today, how long can we survive?”
“What debt are you bringing into this marriage?”
“How much do you send to your family monthly and will that continue?”
If he or she gets angry that you asked, don’t get married yet. A person who is angry about accountability will be abusive about money.
Marriage insurance is not bought at Star Assurance or Enterprise. It is bought in honest conversations when no one is watching.
The wedding costs one day. The marriage costs a lifetime. Don’t enter a lifetime contract and covenant with hidden costs.
You can still insure your marriage today.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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