Obaa Yaa
Should l take her back?
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Should l take her back?
We had enjoyed a wonderful relationship with the blessings of our parents including our friends.
They described our union as an unbreakable bond of friendship which became the envy of many people.
As our love for each other grew over time, we had the blessings of our parents to marry.
Feverish preparations were made and we were looking forward to a memorable traditional marriage to be followed by a grand wedding ceremony.
However, a few months to the scheduled date, l realised my fiancé’s character had changed to my surprise.
Upon persistent pressure mounted on her to find out the reason behind her attitude, she was bold to tell me that someone else had proposed to her and she would marry him instead of me.
Having considered several factors and upon fervent prayers, l gave in to her decision and she went ahead to marry the man of her choice.
Though downhearted, l was able to pick up the pieces and settled down to marry another lady with an impeccable character.
Four years down the lane, one day my old fiancé called my phone for a lengthy discussion and she later followed up with many visits to my office.
To be brief, her marriage is now on the rocks and she is pleading that though l am married, l should take her as a second wife.
She visits me often, trying to woe me back but l am not moved since l am now married. I have decided to consider her as a family friend, and nothing more to that.
Kodzo, Accra.
Dear Kodzo,
I respect you for the high level of resilience you have put up in the midst of such a challenging experience.
Though others could have been swept off their feet to do the contrary, you persisted and gracefully succeeded with ease.
You have done the right thing by not neglecting her totally. You have also done well by accepting her as a family friend and nothing more to that.
Having taken this decision, make sure you go by it and do not allow yourself to be swayed by the relentless efforts of this old lover of yours who is capable of going to all lengths to win your love back.
Know your limitations and stick to your principles to remain unperturbed.
Obaa Yaa
My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.
After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.
He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.
I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.
There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.
My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.
Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?
From Frimpongmaa,
Assin Praso.
Dear Frimpongmaa,
I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.
Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.
The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.
The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.
Obaa Yaa
I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.
My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.
Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.
My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.
I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.
I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.
What should I do?
Adzo, Ho
Dear Adzo
If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.
At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.
I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.
Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.
Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.
You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.
Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.
If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.
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