Obaa Yaa
She believes l am cheating on her
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Of late,my wife picks up quarrels with me without any provocations and strongly believes that l am cheating on her.
Though l was once caught with a lady and embarrassed, that should not be the guarantee or the reason for the daily accusations and casting aspersions on me.
I close late from work and prefer to be left alone to think about other things in relation with my work but she fails to give me that peaceful atmosphere to operate.
I sometimes feel like staying with my friends at weekends, yet she keeps bothering me that l am cheating on her.
She is not prepared to believe me despite the explanations lhave given her.
What should l do?
Kwame, Swedru
Dear Kwame,
You must get it clear that decisions or actions you take in life will definitely have dire consequences on you and your family.
Per the narrative, you have called for the tune and must be prepared to dance according to it. You have wilfully created the atmosphere of mistrust and you should not blame her actions because she can’t tell when you will falter again.
You have demonstrated to your wife that you cannot be trusted so far as fidelity is concerned.
I believe prior to her actions, there was no occasion on which she had attacked you for cheating on her.
As a husband, you have the obligation to create a congenial atmosphere and have effective period to dialogue with your wife at home.
Though you close late from work, and become very tired and have no time to spend with your wife, you, however, have plans to spend time with your friends.
I think a change of attitude is what you ought to do and demonstrate to your wife that you have changed for the better.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
