Obaa Yaa
Painful separation
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I met this beautiful lady at a party which was organised by a relative of mine and we fell in love.
We got well with each other and our love developed. All this while, she enquired from me if I was married or had a child and told her that her concerns were correct.
She became happy as a result of my assurance and vowed that she would not allow any lady to snatch me from her. My lady promised to give me the happiness I needed and would work hard to give me every support in our marriage.
Since we were always together in the full glare of others, people got to know of our intention to marry.
A friend who knows me has advised that i should not be in haste to marry her but be careful and study her character because she is quarrelsome and could pose problems for me when i marry her.
Though i have considered this man intruding into my love affairs, i have reluctantly decided to listen to his advice.
So I apologised to my lady that my office could not raise the funds i requested for to help me organise the wedding hence the need to postpone it until my finances had improved to which she did not complain.
Staying together for two months has brought a lot of dust from under the carpet and you will not believe that the problems are enormous. Sometimes, i want to leave the house in order to avoid quarrels and maintain my peace.
Having known the sort of person she is, it was painful for me to leave her though the love is still there.
Do you consider my decision as good?
Frank, Accra.
Dear Frank,
You must consider yourself very fortunate to get someone to advice you otherwise you would have been shocked with her true character after marriage. You must count yourself very lucky because others could not get people to advise them on the right decision to take.
Having described how lovely, resourceful and hardworking she is, it must be painful to separate on this note.
Though painful, your decision to separate is good because you will have your peace of mind.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
