Obaa Yaa
Painful separation
Dear ObaaYaa,
I met this beautiful lady at a party which was organised by a relative of mine and we fell in love.
We got well with each other and our love developed. All this while, she enquired from me if I was married or had a child and told her that her concerns were correct.
She became happy as a result of my assurance and vowed that she would not allow any lady to snatch me from her. My lady promised to give me the happiness I needed and would work hard to give me every support in our marriage.
Since we were always together in the full glare of others, people got to know of our intention to marry.
A friend who knows me has advised that i should not be in haste to marry her but be careful and study her character because she is quarrelsome and could pose problems for me when i marry her.
Though i have considered this man intruding into my love affairs, i have reluctantly decided to listen to his advice.
So I apologised to my lady that my office could not raise the funds i requested for to help me organise the wedding hence the need to postpone it until my finances had improved to which she did not complain.
Staying together for two months has brought a lot of dust from under the carpet and you will not believe that the problems are enormous. Sometimes, i want to leave the house in order to avoid quarrels and maintain my peace.
Having known the sort of person she is, it was painful for me to leave her though the love is still there.
Do you consider my decision as good?
Frank, Accra.
Dear Frank,
You must consider yourself very fortunate to get someone to advice you otherwise you would have been shocked with her true character after marriage. You must count yourself very lucky because others could not get people to advise them on the right decision to take.
Having described how lovely, resourceful and hardworking she is, it must be painful to separate on this note.
Though painful, your decision to separate is good because you will have your peace of mind.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
