Obaa Yaa
Our daughter is pregnant
Dear ObaaYaa,
Our daughter is a third -year student in one of the Senior High Schools in the country and we have the conviction that she will complete with good grades.
Unfortunately, we have received information from the school authorities that our daughter is four months pregnant and it is prudent to inform us.
Though the school authorities have not suggested any solution to the problem, neighbours and some friends who have heard about the case have asked that we should quietly abort the pregnancy for our daughter to continue her education without interruption.
They argue that since she is too young, she may probably not be capable of taking good care of the baby by herself. They say we should consider the education of our daughter more important so we should safeguard her future.
Though my religion forbids abortion, l am of the view that our daughter is not old enough to bear the pressure of motherhood, therefore, she should be assisted in this case.
Is my opinion good or appropriate? I wish to hear from you.
Joseph, Accra.
Dear Joseph,
I quite agree with you that education is one of the best gifts parents must give their children in order to sustain their future. Additionally, parents have the responsibility to ensure that they train their children to receive good moral education which is also a necessary requirement for the development of children in the future.
However, this should not be an excuse for you to abort the pregnancy, secondly, your religion forbids it. In order not to attract the wrath of God, ignore the promptings from others and allow your daughter to give birth.
Your wife should take care of the grandchild after some period to enable your daughter to return to school since you value education.
Do not tamper with the life of that innocent child since you do not know what that child will become in future.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
