Obaa Yaa
My wife is building secretly
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We have been married for the past 15 years. Although our marital journey has not been easy, I love my wife.
At a point in our marriage, I betrayed my wife by impregnating a co-worker. I asked for forgiveness from my wife and she accepted by apology.
Recently, I discovered that my wife had built two houses and rented them without my knowledge.
The most painful thing is that she has willed these houses to the children which I found in our wardrobe.
When I confronted her she claimed that the reason for her behaviour was because she had lost trust in me after I impregnated a co-worker.
I am confused. What should I do to win her trust?
Jacob, Osu.
Dear Jacob,
This is an interesting letter which will serve as a useful lesson for couples.
Marriage basically thrives on love, trust and a great deal of tolerance. Couples must always ensure that these fundamentals are safeguarded in order to keep the marriage safe.
Unfortunately, you have grossly abused the trust of your wife and have called for this negative response from her. Judging by her behaviour, this is the best way for her to retaliate.
Though it is unfortunate that she has built houses without your knowledge, you should know that you have called for the tune and must, therefore, be prepared to dance according to it.
Secondly, you must be grateful that she has willed the houses to your children.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
