Obaa Yaa
My sister’s husband is making advances at me
We lost our father when our eldest brother was nine years old and l was three years by then.
My father was the bread-winner of the family and we enjoyed unconditional love from him and his preparedness to give us any assistance we needed.
Following his demise, l envisaged the trouble that awaited my mother who must single-handedly cater for us.
A good friend of my father occasionally assisted in paying our school fees and further sponsored our eldest brother to the university, and arranged for one of his cousins to marry my elder sister.
My sister’s husband has been very supportive of my family based on this, my sister asked that l should stay with her and the husband wholeheartedly agreed to the relief to my mother.
Though there is joy in the house and things are moving on well, my sister’s husband is making fast advances at me.
On the first occasion, he opened the door when l was bathing and my sister had gone to the hospital to weigh her child.
Having realised the shock in my face, he quickly apologised and said it was a mistake and that he did not know l was there.
I took him for his word and accepted his apology as coming from a genuine heart. After a week, he touched my buttocks when l was washing. I chuckled and told him to stop such acts else l would inform my sister.
He later gave me GH¢2,000.00 and asked me not to tell my sister about the incident and that he had given me money to seal my mouth.
This man entered my room one night and wanted to sleep with me when my sister was taking her bath. He pleaded with me that he would give me more money if l allowed him to sleep with me.
I am now disturbed because my sister will not take it kindly if she gets to know of any intimate relationship between her husband and me.
What should l do to avoid shame and save my sister’s marriage?
Araba, Cape Coast.
Dear Araba,
Thank God that you have not succumbed to his sexual desires which will definitely stain your character and probably destroy your future.
This man should not hide behind his generosity to make a fool of you and bring enmity between you and your sister. It will be an abominable act if you allow him to have his way and your sister will not trust you in life as this will forever spoil the relationship between you and your sister.
It is important for you to leave the house in order to maintain your respect and save the marriage of your sister.
You must confide in your mother who will persuade your sister to release you to return to your mother’s place.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
When I got pregnant with our first child, my husband and I agreed for me to stay home, at least until the children were a bit older.
I had a good job in banking, but childcare in our city was expensive, and his salary alone could cover us. I said yes without hesitation, because that’s what you do for your family.
“A bit older” became 12 years. Three children, three different schools, endless sick days, school runs, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, managing the house when he travelled for work, all of it fell on me.
I never complained, because I told myself this was my contribution, even if it didn’t come with a pay cheque.
We had a discussion about it and my husband told me I was stressing him because I was a housewife.
Twelve years of my life, my career, my independence, reduced to “nothing” in one sentence. That night, after he fell asleep, I sat in the living room and opened my old laptop. I started updating my resume for the first time in over a decade. I don’t know the future, but I know I can’t keep living as someone whose entire existence is considered worthless.
Eyram, Keta.
Dear Eyram,
Your husband’s words were painful and unfair. Raising three children, managing a household, and supporting a family for 12 years is a significant contribution. The fact that it did not come with a salary does not make it any less valuable.
Before making any major decisions, try to have a calm conversation with him when emotions have settled. Explain how his statement affected you and why it made you feel that your sacrifices and contributions were being dismissed. Sometimes people say hurtful things during arguments without fully considering the impact of their words, but that does not excuse them.
Updating your résumé is not an overreaction. Rebuilding your financial independence, confidence, and career options can be a healthy step for your own security and self-worth, whether or not your marriage improves. Having choices is important.
Pay attention to how your husband responds when you share your feelings. A partner who values the relationship should be willing to acknowledge the hurt, apologise sincerely, and recognise the work you have done for the family. If these conversations continue to be dismissive or disrespectful, consider seeking marriage counselling to help address the deeper issues.
Most importantly, do not allow anyone—including your spouse—to convince you that caring for your children and managing your home for 12 years was “nothing.” Your contribution helped make his career and your family’s stability possible. You deserve respect, appreciation, and a voice in your own home.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 30- year-old doctor by profession. I have been happily married to a teacher for the past two years without a child.
Though we haven’t been married for long, we have always prayed for the fruit of the womb.
Gladly, my wife has taken seed but she didn’t tell me herself. Instead, one of her friends told me through a gossip that I’m the one responsible.
Her friend said she confided in her but doesn’t want me to know. Should I ask her about it, or should I keep pretending I don’t know she’s pregnant and see what comes out of it?
In my opinion, this shouldn’t be a secret and what prevents her from telling me.
I am so excited and I believe this calls for celebration. But the feedback from her friend is keeping me in suspense.
Abrefa, Aburi.
Dear Abrefa,
Don’t play games or wait to see what happens. If there’s any chance the child is yours, the best approach is to talk to her directly, respectfully.
Gossip is often incomplete or inaccurate, and her friend’s comments may not reflect the full truth. Ask her privately if she is pregnant and whether you are responsible.
Give her the opportunity to explain her situation rather than relying on information from others. An honest conversation will give you clarity and help you decide the next step based on facts rather than relying on second-hand information.
An honest conversation will give you clarity and help you decide the next steps based on facts rather than assumptions.
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