Obaa Yaa
My mum sleeps with other men
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I lived with my mother and her actions bring a lot of embarrassment to my family, and I need your advice.
She is single and in my neighborhood, my mother is noted for sleeping around with men. What is more disgraceful is that she even sleeps with men younger than her in the neighbourhood.
Her attitude is really affecting me because I have always tried to be morally upright.
Could you imagine an occasion when I overheard some people mentioning the number of men my mother has slept with?
I have now become an object of mockery as I am the only child of my mother.
I am now confused, I feel like running away from home and never return. I will do this without informing her of where I intend going. I am 18 years and she is 38 years. Please help me out.
T.K, Bantama.
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Dear T.K
There is no point of running from the house without your mother knowing.
That would not solve the problem. This is the time that she needs you most because she may be frustrated.
Remember, she is your mother and you need to accord her that due respect.
Have a personal talk with her about what she is making you go through mentally and physically.
I believe that even if she needs a partner, she can go in for a responsible person. That can lead to marriage so that she’ll stop sleeping around.
You can also report her behaviour to your family head to talk to her.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
