Obaa Yaa
My lover is against my tribe
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a boy of 25 and civil servant. I am in love with a very beautiful girl who is a student.
I proposed to her and she accepted. We love each other so much and been together for eight years and hope to get married in future.
However, my lover talks against my tribe any time we meet.
She later told me her parents strongly dislike my tribe and warned that none of their children should marry from that tribe.
My girlfriend again told me that I should not be disturbed but if I really love her, she will convince her parents to agree to our marriage.
I am in doubt that this lady can convince her parents to agree to the marriage, because she also doesn’t like my tribe. I want to break up with her before it is too late.
I am Northerner and she is a Fante.
Malik, Bolgantanga.
Dear Malik,
THIS is prevalent but excruciating challenge in many cultures where tribal, ethnic or family loyalty plays a big role in relationship.
I believe you have taken the right decision and the earlier you implement it the better.
Again, communicate openly with your lover and also focus on your love and connection.
A loving partner will be willing to understand, compromise and not reject you because of your tribe.
If she refuses to respect your background it could be a red flag, especially in a long term.
If you do marry and have children in the future, would she and her parents not make the children miserable just because through no choice, they were
Dear Obaa Yaa
I GOT married to a lady from my hometown (name withheld) because tradition does not allow us to marry people from other places. We have been living in Europe for the past six years after marriage, but she is very demanding.
For all these years, anytime my wife gets pregnant, she’ll always tell me she wants to deliver in Ghana so that she can get some help in taking care of the baby. Meanwhile, giving birth in Europe would have been a great benefit to my wife.
However, my wife is currently in Ghana to give birth to our second child and wants to spend about six months. Luckily, her brother disclosed to me about the building projects my wife was handling. That’s how I found out she wants to deliver in Ghana to supervise them. Obaa Yaa, I am confused.
—Enoch, Hamburg
Dear Enoch
I DON’T really understand why your wife is playing smart. From the look of things, both of you are happily married and making memories. The question is, what stops her from telling you that she is building in Ghana and needs your support?
I will suggest that you demand to know from her the source of the money she is using for the projects. Open communication is key to resolving this matter and ensuring trust in your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I AM a 30-year-old lady who holds a degree in Business Administration from the University of Ghana (Legon). I am married to a very wealthy man who provides me with everything I need.
My problem, however, is that my husband doesn’t want me to work. His explanation is that I am too beautiful, and for that matter, he is scared to lose me. His explanation doesn’t make sense, and I am very angry about his decision.
Secondly, the children are too young, and he is also not ready to employ a nanny, which makes me feel that I am a prisoner. This is a serious problem, and if I am not careful, it will affect my health since I am always indoors. I need your view on this, Obaa Yaa.
—Tina, Ada
Dear Tina
I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from because you want to work and explore. In this era, even if your husband is a billionaire, you need to work to make your own money in case any misfortune happens.
He pays me GH₵5,000 every month for being a housewife, so he doesn’t see the need for me to stress myself about work. I am not happy with this sort of life because, as a woman, it is not everything that I can ask from him. This has been my headache for some time now. Initially, I didn’t see it as a problem, but I realised that in the 21st century, being an independent woman is the best.
For close to five years, I have virtually been under house arrest; I am getting the feeling along the line that when only one person shoulders all costs at home, it makes the other person feel useless.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Tell him that even if he doesn’t want you to work for any company, he should set up a business for you to manage to reduce the boredom in your life. I hope that if you subtly put this point across, he will change his mind and get you something to do.
