Obaa Yaa
I am not interested in her
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 30 years and she is 26 years. We are in the same training college. I met this lady who looks exactly like my sister two years ago.
I approached and informed her about her resemblance to my late sister. I told her of my willingness to take her as a sister and she accepted.
This lady is financially sound, therefore, all the financial difficulties that I faced during the initial stages in the training college were catered for by her.
I sometimes take her home and all my siblings liked her.
I have a feeling that the interest the lady has developed in me is beyond the ‘brother and sister.’
Sometimes, she mentions marriage to me but I don’t take it seriously. Recently, she brought the issue of marriage and I told her point blank that it would not be possible.
The next morning I heard she had been taken to the hospital. She was still unconscious when I visited her at the hospital.
I told my mother about the issue and said, she would be happy to have her home.
Obaa, I have this lady at heart as a sister and I don’t have any feelings for her as a partner. Now considering the situation, I am very confused and don’t know what to do.
Duker, Amasaman.
Dear Duker,
IN your letter, you did not state what made this girl unconscious. Did she fall into coma due to broken- heart?
If so, you may be able to help in her recovery.
The problem comes from you in a way. When she was spending on you, you should have known that she was not doing it out of mere sisterly love.
She is ill and you must co-operate to get her back to normal health. She would need your attention and care in order to recover. By then, she will be able to cope with the fact that things are not what she expected to be. First things first, help her recover fully and candidly exude all your feelings to her.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
