Obaa Yaa
Marriage is scary
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am always attracted by the nice looks of couples who go out for a walk and engage in programmes to entertain themselves.
Love, tolerance and perseverance are the essential ingredients which make marriage stick together in a memorable bond.
Unfortunately, there are instances of couples taking these qualities for granted and do whatever they like.
I was lucky to be close to my elder sister with whom l shared my aspirations, sentiments and sometimes secrets and sought her advice.
She was in a relationship with a man who was her senior in the university and who occupied her mind at that time.
This gentleman was known and loved by every member of the family and some of us were of the view that their marriage would be a memorable one from which others will derive immense inspiration.
I was not surprised when this man approached my parents that he would like to ask of my sister’s hand in marriage and pleaded for a list of items required to perform the customary rites.
However, my sister’s expectations fell short of her lover when she informed him that she was pregnant. He suggested that my sister should abort the pregnancy to enable them to prepare a comfortable foundation for a happy marriage.
My sister reluctantly succumbed to abort the pregnancy only to realise a few weeks later that her lover was ready to wed another lady.
The situation has made my sister to develop hatred for men and she has vowed never to entertain any man for a relationship.
Can men be trusted in a circumstance like this?
Akosua, Accra.
Dear Akosua,
The abuse of trust as in your sister’s case is unfortunate and should not be encouraged. Your sister is fortunate to be in a sound mind despite the misfortune that has befallen her.
This gentleman’s character suggests that he was dating two ladies at the same time but took undue advantage of your sister. He should have compensated your sister for the inconvenience caused her.
Your sister should have asked for compensation from him to commensurate the inconvenience he had caused her.
This gentleman has not acted in good faith and should not be trusted. It, therefore, suggest that your sister will not forgive him if she is unable to conceive because of the abortion.
I would like to assure you that the lives of other couples should serve as a source of encouragement for your sister and she will get a good partner in life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a father of two children from my previous marriage.
Unfortunately, the marriage ended because of my ex-wife’s persistent toxic behaviour, which began to affect not only our business but also the emotional well-being of our children. Eventually, the court took notice of the situation and granted me full custody of the children, who are now 13 and 10 years old.
Since then, their mother has been largely absent from their lives. She barely checks on them and once told me, rather bluntly, “Since they mean more to you, don’t look for me again.”
I have done my best to raise them with love, stability, and a sense of security despite her absence.
Recently, I was given a life-changing opportunity to travel abroad for work, with the option to relocate with both children. As part of my preparation, I decided to conduct a DNA test, mainly for personal clarity.
The results have left me deeply shaken.
They revealed that my younger child is not biologically mine, while the older one is.
Now, I find myself in a difficult position. The company offering me employment has structured my benefits based on the number of dependents I declared. One of the children I have listed is, by blood, not mine.
I am confused, hurt, and unsure of the right thing to do both morally and practically.
Obaa Yaa, please, what should I do?
Kenneth, Koforidua.
Dear Kenneth
What you are facing goes beyond DNA. It is about the meaning of fatherhood. For 10 years, you have raised this child with love, care, and responsibility.
That bond is real, and the child is innocent in this situation.
Before making any decision, reflect on whether this new information will truly change how you see or treat the child who has always known you as their father.
On the practical side, consider the legal and employment implications carefully. Since you have full custody, both children are still legally your dependents, and many systems recognise guardianship, not just biology.
However, it would be wise to quietly review your employment terms or seek legal advice to ensure that you are not unintentionally putting yourself at risk, especially with relocation abroad.
Ultimately, this decision is about both compassion and responsibility. Think about the emotional impact on the children and whether separating them would do more harm than good. You have an opportunity to shape their future. Approach it with both wisdom and heart, taking time to decide what kind of father you want to continue to be.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 19-year-old girl living with my father in Accra. About two years ago, my father made sexual advances toward me. Since then, he has continued to harass me, but I have always refused.
I reported the issue to my mother, who lives in the village. However, when I returned to Accra, my father continued his behaviour. Last year, he told me that if I agreed to sleep with him, he would give me anything I wanted.
About six months ago, around midnight, he came to me and said he wanted to marry me because he found me very beautiful and did not want any other man to have me.
I feel deeply disturbed and angry. The thought of this is unbearable, and I have even considered taking my own life because marrying my father is a taboo.
Baaba, Nungua.
Dear Baaba,
Please do not harm yourself. You have done nothing wrong, and you do not deserve this. The person at fault is your father, and he must be held accountable for his actions.
I strongly advise that you leave your father’s house immediately. Do not allow him to stop you. If you have nowhere else to stay, go to your mother in the village for now.
Speak honestly with your mother about what has been happening. Together, inform trusted members of both your father’s and your mother’s families. A family meeting should be arranged so your father can be confronted about his behaviour.
If he denies the allegations, shows no remorse, or threatens you at any point, you must report the matter to the police without delay.
If you return to Accra in the future, do not live with your father again. During the family discussions, arrangements should also be made to ensure your father continues to support you financially until you are able to care for yourself independently.
