Relationship
Love in the dark: Understanding depression’s effect on marriage and relationships
As we manoeuvre the complexities of relationships and marriages, it is essential to acknowledge the significant role mental health plays in our overall well-being.
Unfortunately, mental health is often shrouded in misconceptions that can have far-reaching consequences on our relationships.
In this article, we will explore five common misconceptions about mental illness and how they can affect our relationships and marriages.
Misconception 1: People with
mental illness are violent and
dangerous
One of the most pervasive misconceptions about mental illness is that people who suffer from it are violent and dangerous. This could not be further from the truth. Research has shown that individuals with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators.
In fact, studies have found that people with mental illness are two to three times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population.
In relationships and marriages, this misconception can lead to fear and mistrust. Partners may worry that their loved one’s mental health condition will lead to violent outbursts or unpredictable behaviour. However, with proper treatment and support, individuals with mental illness can lead healthy, productive lives.
Misconception 2: Having a mental
illness means you are “crazy”
Another common misconception is that having a mental illness means someone is “crazy” or unstable. This stigma can prevent individuals from seeking help and can lead to feelings of shame and guilt.
In relationships, this misconception can create tension and conflict. Partners may not understand their loved one’s mental health condition, leading to frustration and resentment. However, by educating ourselves about mental health and seeking support, we can work to break down this stigma and build stronger, more supportive relationships.
Misconception 3: Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder (PTSD) only
affects military personnel
PTSD is often associated with military personnel, but the reality is that anyone can develop PTSD after experiencing a traumatic event. This can include survivors of natural disasters, domestic abuse, or sexual assault.
PTSD can have a significant impact on relationships and marriages. Partners may struggle to understand their loved one’s symptoms, leading to feelings of frustration and helplessness. However, by seeking support and education, couples can work together to build a stronger, more supportive relationship.
Misconception 4: Mental Health
conditions are rare
Mental health conditions are more common than we think. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), one in four people worldwide will experience a mental or neurological disorder at some point in their lives.
In relationships and marriages, mental health conditions can affect anyone. Partners may struggle to cope with their loved one’s mental health condition, leading to feelings of burnout and resentment. However, by seeking support and education, couples can work together to build a stronger, more supportive relationship.
Misconception 5: Seeking help
for mental illness leads to stigma
Finally, many people believe that seeking help for mental illness will lead to stigma and judgment from others. However, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Seeking help for mental illness can actually strengthen the relationship. By working together to address mental health concerns, couples can build a stronger, more supportive relationship.
The importance of education and
support
Education and support are key to breaking down the stigma surrounding mental health. By learning about mental health conditions and seeking support, couples can build stronger, more supportive relationships.
Communication is essential for the relationship’s health. Partners should feel comfortable discussing their mental health concerns and seek support from each other. By doing so, couples can work together to build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
In conclusion, mental health myths can have a significant impact on relationships and marriages. By educating ourselves about mental health and seeking support, we can work to break down these misconceptions and build stronger relationships.
If you are struggling with mental health concerns or know someone who is, do not hesitate to seek help. With the right support and education, couples can build a stronger, more resilient relationship that can withstand the challenges of mental health concerns.
To be continued …
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
The price of ‘I do’: Why money honesty is the real marriage insurance –Part 2
She did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number-not his-and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢ 40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counsellor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
How To Buy Your Marriage Insurance Today – My 5-Step Protocol
If you are engaged, newly married, or even 20 years in marriage, you can still fix this. At Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, this is what I give couples:
Step 1: The 90-Minute Money Naked Session.
No phones, no blame. Each partner writes down on paper: Monthly income, monthly debts, monthly family obligations, savings, and your biggest money fear. Then you exchange papers. Read it. Don’t react for 24 hours. Just absorb.
Step 2: Create OUR Money, YOUR Money, My Money.
You need three pots. OUR money for rent, food, school fees, utilities, properties, and the like— joint contribution. YOUR money and MY money—a small agreed allowance no one questions. This stops the feeling of being controlled.
Step 3: The No-Secret Debt Rule.
Agree from today: No new loan, no new hire purchase, no new family financial commitment above GHS 500 without telling each other first. Not permission, but information.
Step 4: Talk About Your Money Personality.
Are you a Spender or a Saver? Are you Risky or Safe? Most Ghanaian marriages are a Spender married to a Saver. Neither is wrong. But if you don’t understand your partner’s personality, you will call his saving “stinginess” and her spending “wastefulness.”
Step 5: Do a Monthly 30-Minute Money Date
Not an argument date. Light, with tea. “How did we do this month? What worried you? What should we plan for next month?” Couples who do this divorce far less.
My Final Word
Before you say “I Do” at the altar, have pre-marital counselling and also have the money talk on the sofa.
Ask your partner:
“If I lost my job today, how long can we survive?”
“What debt are you bringing into this marriage?”
“How much do you send to your family monthly and will that continue?”
If he or she gets angry that you asked, don’t get married yet. A person who is angry about accountability will be abusive about money.
Marriage insurance is not bought at Star Assurance or Enterprise. It is bought in honest conversations when no one is watching.
The wedding costs one day. The marriage costs a lifetime. Don’t enter a lifetime contract and covenant with hidden costs.
You can still insure your marriage today.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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