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Is your marriage counsellor or couples therapist right for you?

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• Ensure to have a say in whoever counsels you

Ensure to have a say in whoever counsels you

     As a single or couple preparing to get married, take personal interest in who counsels you as your marriage therapist or counsellor. Because who you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions you would ever make in your life.

    Pre-marital counselling ought not to be some formality you need to satisfy in order to get married. If you are interested in how your life and future turns out, then do not take for granted the person who prepares you for your marriage journey.

    Always remember that your mar­riage can make or break you. There­fore, make sure you have a say in who counsels you, especially if you realise that the marriage counsellor is not qualified and has very little pre-mari­tal counselling experience.

    For most of you, because you are in the Church environment, you are not given the chance to choose who prepares you for your marriage. I understand that perfectly. However, if you realise the counsellor you have been assigned will not be helpful in giving you that solid foundation for your marriage journey, then I would encourage you to ask your Senior Pas­tor or the Head of Counselling Unit to give you another counsellor you would be more comfortable with.

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    Make this request in a respectful manner. In many cases, if there are other marriage counsellors available, I know the Church would be more than willing to grant your request by giving you another counsellor.

    Nevertheless, in an extreme situa­tion where you don’t get any replace­ment because it is only one counsellor you are all stuck to, I would encour­age you to seek professional pre-mar­ital counselling outside while you still go through the pre-marital counsel­ling package of your Church.

    Do not ever rebel against your Church! Instead, get additional pro­fessional counselling from a coun­selling facility like ours (Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, which is a mental health and coun­selling consult accredited by Ghana Psychology Council).

    Indeed, such professional services would attract some fees; however, if experiencing a happy, fulfilling and lasting marriage is your main goal, then no cost would be too much for you to get professional support.

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    Qualities to look out for in Your Marriage Counsellor

    As you embark on the journey of marriage, remember that seeking help from a professional marriage therapist or counsellor can be a valu­able asset to your relationship.

    I admit there are so many charac­teristics you would have to consider when choosing your marriage thera­pist or counsellor. Nevertheless, the following are the core qualities that your marriage counsellor or therapist must possess:

    1. Respect for your Christian faith and values

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    If you are a Christian searching for a qualified Christian marriage coun­sellor, look for a marriage counsellor who aligns with your Christian beliefs and values. It would be helpful if the counsellor is a strong Christian himself or herself. They should have a solid understanding of biblical princi­ples and must have the required skills to effectively integrate such princi­ples into their counselling approach.

    As a Christian couple, it will be a plus if your marriage counsellor is doctrinally solid, secure in his own marriage and family relationships (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:7), and living in obedience to God’s Word within his or her marriage.

    2. Expertise in marriage counsel­ling

    Look for a counsellor with specif­ic training and experience in couple counselling or therapy. The counsellor should have a master’s or undergrad­uate degree in marriage or couple counselling, or at least some form of professionally accredited certificate in marriage or couplesss counselling.

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    A professional certificate such as, Counsellor Prince & Associates Con­sult’s ‘Certificate in Counselling and Marriage Therapy’, which is accred­ited by Ghana Psychology Council (GPC). In extreme cases where the person does not have any of these training, you could look out for at least general counselling or psycholo­gy training, in addition to some years of experience in handling couples.

    Within the context of Christian training, I know many recognised and accredited Christian Seminaries and Pastoral Schools integrate some basic marriage counselling courses to equip the pastors. However, it is not all pastors who have the required exper­tise to provide effective pre-marital counselling.

    Ultimately, find a counsellor who has specific relevant experience in working with couples and mar­riage-related issues. They must have some years of practice and a track record of helping couples overcome challenges and improve their relation­ships.

    To be continued …

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    Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

    COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC)

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    Relationship

    …tips for building a good parent-teacher relationship

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    Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.

    1. Meet with the teacher and staff early

    Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.

    2. Help the teacher get to know your child.

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    Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.

    3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.

    Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.

    4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.

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    If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class. 

    5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.

    Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.

    6. Participate in school events.

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    Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.

    7. Say “thank you.”

    Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.

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    Relationship

    Building trust in relationship, marriage

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    Communication is key to a successful relationship

    Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble. As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?

    How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?

    Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish. Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.

    Signs of trust issues

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    So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:

    – Suspicion and jealousy

    – Defensiveness and accusations

    – Lack of communication or withholding information

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    – Dishonesty or hiding the truth

    – Emotional distance or disconnection

    How to build trust

    Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:

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    1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.

    2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.

    3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.

    4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behaviour, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.

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    5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.

    Rebuilding Trust

    If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:

    1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.

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    2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.

    3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.

    4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counsellor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.

    Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.

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    To be continued …

    Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).

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