Obaa Yaa
I feel nervous when I see her
Dear ObaaYaa,
I am 22 and she is 20. We have not grown to a marrying state. My problem is that anytime I see this lady, I feel nervous and try to use a different route.
Both of us are Christians and belong to one church. I have been together with many girls, but this strange thing has not happened to me before.
Meanwhile, I am a student, and it will take some time for me to complete my education and get a job before marriage, so I can take care of my children.
Should I be bold one day to tell her to wait for me till I complete my education and then get a job, or should I stop her from coming to visit me?
—PK, Suhum
Dear PK,
Sometimes, when people are in love, they get excited and nervous when their loved one approaches them. However, this feeling should not be permanent. This nervousness normally gives way to relaxation, comfort, and joy.
If this nervousness should persist, then it means there is a problem. If there is something about her character that makes you uncomfortable, then talk to her about it. If it’s something negative and she has the power to change, let her do so.
At the age of 20, I also think both of you are very young for marriage. Just take the relationship easy—no serious commitments and no sex.
Give priority to a good education and a good job. That is one of the pillars to a happy marriage.
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Six months after marriage, I realised my wife had cheated twice. One happened months before marriage and the other happened just two months after marriage. We dated for four years before we got married.
She had saved the name on her phone as Chairman. The conversation between them didn’t happen every day but once they talked, everything was about sex. My wife encouraged every word and even made suggestions as to where to meet.
I want to meet ‘Chairman,’ is it a good or a bad idea?
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
What you have discovered is deeply painful, especially after investing four years of dating and entering marriage with trust, love and commitment. Betrayal in marriage is not only about the physical act, but also the emotional damage, secrecy and broken trust that come with it.
At this point, it is important not to make decisions purely out of anger or revenge. You need clarity, honest and calm conversations. Your wife must first be willing to tell the whole truth and take responsibility for her actions without excuses.
However, before deciding whether to stay or leave, ask yourself some important questions. Is she willing to cut ties completely with this man? Is she ready to rebuild trust through openness and accountability? And most importantly, do you still see a future with her despite the hurt?
Healing from infidelity takes time, patience and sometimes professional counselling. Do not suffer in silence. Speak to a trusted counsellor, pastor or matured family person who can guide both of you wisely.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 28 years old guy who has been posted as a trained teacher in one of the rural areas in the Central Region.
I didn’t move in with my family because of the nature of my wife’s job.
About two months ago, I befriended one of the students who run errands for me. One thing led to the other and mistakenly had my way with her.
After two weeks, the girl came to tell me that she was pregnant and that I should give her money to terminate the pregnancy because if her parents get to know of it, they would cause my arrest.
This got me disturbed because I might lose [u1] my job.
Upon a second thought, I discussed this with a friend and she told me it might be a plan to extort money from me.
I personally texted her not to terminate the pregnancy but interestingly, I received a response that she has seen her monthly flow.
In fact, I became convinced about what my colleague told me. I want to end the relationship, what should I tell her and what should be my response when my wife hears of it.
Obaa Yaa, please I need an urgent advice.
David, Tema.
Dear David,
Your case is a very simple one. You are even lucky your friend who is much acquainted with the chicanery of the local girls fortunately hinted you and the girl has confirmed it all.
You better quit that relationship and avoid her because she thinks about following you home.
If you haven’t told her you are married, please tell her now.
