I cannot date him

Dear Obaa Yaa

I am 28 years old and it has always been my dream to marry before 30 years.

I met this guy who loves me and I loved him too, but I think I cannot date him.

The guy is so caring, loving and he has all the qualities I need in my future husband.

Unfortunately, l had an affair with his work colleague a year ago. Though, that affair between me and the gentleman has ended, l feel like I cannot continue to date him.

I haven’t told him about the affair because I don’t know how to go about it and I’m scared of how he would react.

We have known each other for months and l feel like telling him but l can’t help myself because it will hurt him so much.

Though l love this gentleman, the fact that I can’t date him kills me slowly. My heart is in pains because I love him and I feel like l have betrayed him.

Please, should I go ahead and tell him?

Lucy, Accra.

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Dear Lucy,

There is no need crying over spilt milk. You willingly went in for that secret affair despite the fact that you claimed you loved him.

Your behaviour suggests you cannot stand the least pressure in your relationship and this could create serious problems for you.

If you really love him, under no circumstance should you have betrayed his trust. All the same, the harm has already been done but you must make conscious effort not to repeat that mistake.

This is the time for you to redouble your love for him. You need to make sure he plays a centre stage in your life.

What has happened should serve as a warning and a guide throughout your relationship.

Since you can guess his reaction if you should tell him, keep it to yourself and let this serve as a warning and guide for you throughout your relationship.

I don’t like his dressing

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I live with my parents and my sister. She has a boyfriend who frequently comes to the house. I don’t have a problem with that but I’m concerned about the way he carries himself around the house anytime he visits.

He sometimes wears only a singlet and pair of shorts to our place. He doesn’t dress formally.

At times, he even removes his top and walks bare chested. He doesn’t feel shy at all exposing himself this way to his prospective in-laws.

Any visitor to our house seeing this guy around bare chested may form a bad opinion about us.

And to add salt to injury, my sister is not helping matters. In order to avoid any hostility, we have talked to my sister to find a way to talk to him but it is not working. How can we handle this?

Alodia, Accra.

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Dear Alodia,

IN my opinion, it is not out of place to tell your prospective in-law that the way he behaves around your home is not particularly to anybody’s liking.

You do not have to say this angrily, and in doing so, you must choose your words carefully.

On the other hand, your sister might also like this, but that is not the point.

The point is that you want a decent in-law and you might as well send signals about what your expectations are as far as your in-law is concerned.

Obaa Yaa

My mum sleeps with other men

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I lived with my mother and her actions bring a lot of embarrassment to my family, and I need your advice.

She is single and in my neighborhood, my mother is noted for sleeping around with men. What is more disgraceful is that she even sleeps with men younger than her in the neighbourhood.

Her attitude is really affecting me because I have always tried to be morally upright.

Could you imagine an occasion when I overheard some people mentioning the number of men my mother has slept with?

I have now become an object of mockery as I am the only child of my mother.

I am now confused, I feel like running away from home and never return. I will do this without informing her of where I intend going. I am 18 years and she is 38 years. Please help me out.

T.K, Bantama.

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Dear T.K

There is no point of running from the house without your mother knowing.

That would not solve the problem. This is the time that she needs you most because she may be frustrated.

Remember, she is your mother and you need to accord her that due respect.

Have a personal talk with her about what she is making you go through mentally and physically.

I believe that even if she needs a partner, she can go in for a responsible person. That can lead to marriage so that she’ll stop sleeping around.

You can also report her behaviour to your family head to talk to her.