Relationship
How unforgiveness, resentments destroy relationships and marriages
Unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages, causing irreparable damage if left unchecked. As a founder and director of an award-winning mental health and counselling firm, CPAC, I have seen firsthand the devastating effects of unresolved bitterness and anger on couples.
Imagine carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go, filled with rocks representing past hurts and betrayals. Each rock weighs you down, making it harder to move forward. That is what unforgiveness can feel like in a relationship. When we refuse to forgive, we create a toxic environment that poisons our relationships.
Resentment can be a major obstacle to building and maintaining healthy relationships. When we harbor resentment, we can become preoccupied with past hurts, replaying them over and over in our minds. This can lead to feelings of anger, bitterness, and frustration, causing us to lash out at our partner or become withdrawn and distant.
Consider the story of Gifty and Daniel, a couple who had been married for 10 years. Gifty felt deeply hurt and betrayed when Daniel had an affair several years ago. Despite Daniel’s apology and efforts to rebuild their relationship, Gifty struggled to forgive. If they don’t receive lasting support, how do you think this will impact their marriage going forward?
The power of forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process that allows us to release the negative emotions associated with a particular hurt or betrayal. It is not about forgetting or condoning the offense, but rather about releasing the hold it has on us. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing and rebuilding relationships.
Practical steps to forgiveness
1. Acknowledge your feelings: Recognise how you feel and give yourself permission to process those emotions.
2. Identify the hurt: Understand the specific hurt or betrayal that is causing your pain.
3. Let go of the need for revenge: Recognise that seeking revenge will not bring healing or closure.
4. Choose to forgive: Make a conscious decision to forgive, not for the other person’s sake, but for yours.
5. Work on rebuilding trust: If the hurt was caused by a betrayal of trust, work on rebuilding it through consistent changed behaviour and open communication.
Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and rebuilding relationships. Couples should prioritise open and honest communication, actively listening to each other, and clarifying expectations. By doing so, they can avoid most misunderstandings and work through challenges together.
Practical tips for couples
– Practice empathy: Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings.
– Use “I” statements: Instead of blaming your partner, use “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts.
– Take responsibility: Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions.
– Seek support: Consider couples therapy or counseling (check out Counselor Prince & Associates Consult, CPAC) to work through challenges and strengthen your relationship.
By following these practical tips and working on forgiveness, couples can build a stronger, more loving relationship that will stand the test of time.
In conclusion, unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages. By choosing to forgive and working on rebuilding trust, couples can create a stronger, more resilient relationship. Remember, forgiveness is a process, and it may take time. But with effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through challenges, couples can overcome the obstacles that stand in their way.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
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THE years pass so quickly that these festivities are blurred in my memories and blended with holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, and exceptional date nights. Yet the way we celebrate each other is often marked by consistent priorities. Sometimes, it can be hard to come up with Valentine’s Day gift ideas to make your spouse feel extra special when you are in the thick of day-to-day life.
Here are six Valentine’s Day ideas that can be used to keep the romance in marriage or relationships alive and celebrate each other as spouses.
- Plan a timeout
Dedicate these celebrations as timeouts from normal life. Discuss task lists, calendar planning. Also, break from traditional date-night activities to try something new to mark the occasion. - Prepare for time together
This includes planning the outing and coordinating but it goes beyond preparation. Preparation means decompressing on the drive home and not monopolise the date venting out frustrations. It also involves building small buffers of alone time to get ready or catch up on things before the date. - Aim for special (not always fancy)
Fancy is often fun. You do not always get the chance to dress up and go out somewhere that serves food. But sometimes we have coasted, hoping that a more expensive date would make it more memorable, and that’s not always the case. Instead, make it special by planning the date with each other in mind. A unique experience or intentional consideration can make a huge impact without a huge budget. - Communicate expectations before coming up with Valentine’s Day ideas
Communicating hopes and expectations makes everything easier in marriage and relationships. Letting your partner know your likes and dislikes helps him or her plan memorable moments. - Affirm the effort in coming up with Valentine’s Day ideas, not discredit it
When you first meet a new crush, dates can function like tests. Did you pass or fail? If it went well, you may do it again, if something went poorly it’s likely over forever. Unfortunately, it’s easy to carry this same rating system into marriage celebrations. But romantic holidays are not tests to validate or discredit our marriages. They are opportunities to pause and show love to each other in ways that are not always feasible in the day-to-day. - When maxed out, keep it simple and sweet
When you have space and resources for extravagant dates, go for it! Yet, sweet and simple dates can carry just as much punch. So, if you don’t plan a huge date out, plan a quiet night in. Not sure what to do or say to make something special? Think of some options and ask your spouse what they would like. Ready your heart to connect with them and come up with lists of things you love about their personality or fun questions you are curious for them to answer.
No matter what plans are already on your calendar, set this date aside as an opportunity to let your spouse know that you see them and appreciate who they are. Such simple exchanges can have a profound effect on your relationship.
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As parents on a mission, raise children who are not just successful, but cultured, morally upright, and ready to lead. The secret? Blend biblical principles and traditional values with practical parenting strategies that work in today’s world.
Ghana’s culture is built on respect, community, and integrity, and when combined with Christian values like love and forgiveness, it is a powerful combo for parenting. Teaching children about traditions, biblical truths, or the importance of greeting elders is not just about preserving culture—it is about building character.
5 Practical steps to raise disciplined, cultured kids
- Set clear expectations
Explain rules and values clearly. For example, “We respect elders because God says ‘Honour your father and mother’” (Ephesians 6:2). Also, “We respect elders because they have lived longer and know more.” Align household rules with cultural values like obedience and responsibility. - Lead by example
Children mimic what they see. Show respect to elders, speak kindly, and demonstrate honesty in daily life. Proverb: “If you show a child how to behave, they’ll behave.” Moreover, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way they should go …” You can also introduce them to traditional games like “Oware” or “Ampe”, which teach strategic thinking. - Teach emotional intelligence
Help children label emotions (“You’re feeling angry”). Encourage resolving conflicts peacefully—like using “sorry” to mend relationships. Ghanaian proverb: “A smooth sea doesn’t make a skilled sailor.” - Assign responsibilities
Give age-appropriate chores (e.g., fetching water, helping with cooking). It builds accountability and pride in contributing. Link chores to cultural values like communal living (“We all help in the community”) and biblical stewardship. - Embed culture and faith in daily life
Cook traditional foods like Banku, Jollof rice or Fufu, tell folktales, or celebrate local festivals with prayer and gratitude. Discuss values like ubuntu (I am because we are) to teach teamwork and empathy; alongside God’s love for unity (John 13:34-35). Make culture fun and relatable.
Some other awesome ways to make Ghanaian culture relatable for children include:
- Sharing popular Ghanaian artists like Joe Mettle, Uncle Ato, or Obaapa Christie, and teaching traditional dances like Kpanlogo or Adowa.
- Exploring Ghanaian crafts like kente weaving or bead-making through online workshops.
- Talking about festivals like Homowo (celebrated by the Ga people) or Aboakyer (a deer-hunting festival) using cool videos and pictures online.
Why this matters for Ghana’s future leaders
- Respect and integrity: Cultured children grow into leaders who respect others and uphold ethical standards.
- Community mindset: Values like cooperation and serving others (Galatians 5:13) prepare them to contribute positively to society.
- Resilience: Cultural roots give children a strong identity, helping them navigate life’s challenges.
Parenting in the digital age
- Balance screen time with cultural activities. Use Anansi stories or Bible stories on YouTube or play Oware to teach strategy and patience.
- Discuss social media etiquette through the lens of respect, responsibility, and biblical wisdom (Proverbs 15:4).
Final thought for Ghanaian parents
February 2026 is a fresh start. Blend Ghana’s timeless values with modern tools to raise leaders who are grounded, respectful, and ready to thrive.
To be continued …
Source: REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI and Counselor Blessing Offei’s insights on relationships, marriage, and parenting in Ghana. He is an author, mental health professional, lecturer, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE). He is the author of several books, including “Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage” and “A Counselor’s Guide to Using ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Effectively.”
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