Relationship
How unforgiveness, resentments destroy relationships and marriages
Unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages, causing irreparable damage if left unchecked. As a founder and director of an award-winning mental health and counselling firm, CPAC, I have seen firsthand the devastating effects of unresolved bitterness and anger on couples.
Imagine carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go, filled with rocks representing past hurts and betrayals. Each rock weighs you down, making it harder to move forward. That is what unforgiveness can feel like in a relationship. When we refuse to forgive, we create a toxic environment that poisons our relationships.
Resentment can be a major obstacle to building and maintaining healthy relationships. When we harbor resentment, we can become preoccupied with past hurts, replaying them over and over in our minds. This can lead to feelings of anger, bitterness, and frustration, causing us to lash out at our partner or become withdrawn and distant.
Consider the story of Gifty and Daniel, a couple who had been married for 10 years. Gifty felt deeply hurt and betrayed when Daniel had an affair several years ago. Despite Daniel’s apology and efforts to rebuild their relationship, Gifty struggled to forgive. If they don’t receive lasting support, how do you think this will impact their marriage going forward?
The power of forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process that allows us to release the negative emotions associated with a particular hurt or betrayal. It is not about forgetting or condoning the offense, but rather about releasing the hold it has on us. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing and rebuilding relationships.
Practical steps to forgiveness
1. Acknowledge your feelings: Recognise how you feel and give yourself permission to process those emotions.
2. Identify the hurt: Understand the specific hurt or betrayal that is causing your pain.
3. Let go of the need for revenge: Recognise that seeking revenge will not bring healing or closure.
4. Choose to forgive: Make a conscious decision to forgive, not for the other person’s sake, but for yours.
5. Work on rebuilding trust: If the hurt was caused by a betrayal of trust, work on rebuilding it through consistent changed behaviour and open communication.
Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and rebuilding relationships. Couples should prioritise open and honest communication, actively listening to each other, and clarifying expectations. By doing so, they can avoid most misunderstandings and work through challenges together.
Practical tips for couples
– Practice empathy: Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings.
– Use “I” statements: Instead of blaming your partner, use “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts.
– Take responsibility: Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions.
– Seek support: Consider couples therapy or counseling (check out Counselor Prince & Associates Consult, CPAC) to work through challenges and strengthen your relationship.
By following these practical tips and working on forgiveness, couples can build a stronger, more loving relationship that will stand the test of time.
In conclusion, unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages. By choosing to forgive and working on rebuilding trust, couples can create a stronger, more resilient relationship. Remember, forgiveness is a process, and it may take time. But with effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through challenges, couples can overcome the obstacles that stand in their way.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
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Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries to ensure a healthy relationship. Here are a few tips to help couples navigate this challenge.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you both feel regarding social media usage in the relationship.
Having these conversations can be difficult but are essential to creating understanding and mutual respect.
2. Be Specific
When having the conversation, it is important to be specific about the behavior that bothers you and the boundaries you would like to set.
Instead of making general statements like, “You spend too much time on social media,” try saying something like:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during our quality time together?”
3. Be Considerate
Be considerate and understanding of your partner’s points of view and try to find solutions that satisfy both parties.
Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling or limiting each other; it’s about creating a healthy balance and fostering a strong, trusting relationship.
Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, but when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s important to establish boundaries to ensure it doesn’t interfere with the quality of the relationship.
4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Creating social media etiquette guidelines between romantic partners can be a sensitive topic, but it can also be a helpful tool in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Social media etiquette is a set of guidelines that outline how you and your partner will interact on social media and what is and isn’t acceptable behavior.
This can include:
- Whether or not you will follow each other on social media
- What kind of photos you will post of each other
- How you will interact with other people online
One important aspect of social media etiquette is setting boundaries around privacy.
5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respect for each other’s privacy is one of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries.
This includes:
- Not snooping on your partner’s social media accounts
- Not sharing personal information about them online
- Not posting pictures or status updates that they may be uncomfortable with
6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Social media should not be used as a benchmark for the health and happiness of your own relationship.
In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the constant stream of images and updates that friends, family, and even strangers share about their romantic lives.
It is important to focus on your relationship rather than compare it to the selective versions of other people’s relationships you see online. Every relationship is different and has its own set of challenges and successes. Focus on what makes your relationship unique and special.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media when in a relationship is essential for maintaining a healthy and happy connection.
Key factors include:
- Open and honest communication
- Respect for each other’s privacy
- Not using social media to measure your relationship
By following these steps, couples can navigate social media boundaries effectively and strengthen their relationship.
— Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
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Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With the constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries in order to ensure a healthy relationship. Here are a few tips to help couples.
Have an open and honest conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you both feel about social media usage in the relationship. Having open and honest conversations with your romantic partner about setting boundaries on social media usage can be a difficult but important task.
Be specific
When having the conversation, it is important to be specific about the behaviour that is bothering you and the boundaries you would like to set. Instead of making general statements like, “you spend too much time on social media,” try saying something like, “I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods of time during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”
Be considerate
Be considerate and understanding of your partner’s points of view, and try to find a solution that satisfies both parties. Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling or limiting each other; instead, it’s about creating a healthy balance and fostering a strong, trusting relationship. Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, but when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s important to establish boundaries to ensure that it doesn’t interfere with the quality of the relationship.
Agree on social media etiquette
Creating social media etiquette guidelines between romantic partners can be a sensitive topic, but it can also be a helpful tool in maintaining a healthy relationship. Social media etiquette is a set of guidelines that outline how you and your partner will interact on social media and what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This can include things like whether or not you will follow each other on social media, what kind of photos you will post of each other, and how you will interact with other people online. One important aspect of social media etiquette is setting boundaries around privacy.
Respect each other’s privacy
One of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries is respect for each other’s privacy. This includes not snooping on your partner’s social media accounts, not sharing personal information about them on social media, and not posting pictures or status updates that they may be uncomfortable with.
Don’t use social media as a measure of your relationship
Do not use social media as a measure of your relationship is a reminder that the highlight reel of someone’s relationship that they choose to share on social media should not be used as a benchmark for the health and happiness of your own relationship. In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the constant stream of images and updates that friends, family, and even strangers share about their romantic lives on social media. It is important to focus on your relationship, rather than compare it to the selective versions of other people’s relationships you see online. Every relationship is different and has its own set of challenges and successes. Instead, focus on what makes your relationship unique and special.
Conclusion
In conclusion, setting boundaries on social media when in a relationship is important to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Open and honest communication, respect for each other’s privacy, and not using social media to measure the relationship are all critical factors in navigating social media boundaries as a couple.
— Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
