She called him three weeks later. “David, I’m afraid things have not improved, a few days after we spoke, I went to him when he was preparing for bed, and told him that I had problems with his late hours, with his manner of speaking with me, and with the beatings.

He gave me a very nasty reply, he asked me to go and ask my father if he does not beat my mother when she misbehaves, and reminded me that in our town beating is the accepted means of disciplining your wife.

If I did not want him to beat me, then I should behave myself, and he concluded that many girls from my hometown would be happy to be living with a graduate like him.

The next day, he slapped me because I asked about a girl who had come to the house to ask of him. I went and complained to my parents, and they came to the house. He was drunk, and he was very rude to them.

 He asked my father if he never beat his wife, and advised him to take me away if he did not agree to the discipline he is enforcing in his home. He started raining insults, and my dad warned him that if he spoke one more word of insult, he would rather discipline him, and he kept quiet.”

“Ah, so he fears something, great. Let’s see if the fear of your dad will get him to behave himself. But Stella, allow me to say this, you are a very beautiful girl, and I believe you have a great future ahead of you.

If your man has made it so clear what he would do to you in future, perhaps it would be a good idea to leave the relationship and get a good education. You already have a good WASSCE certificate, there are university courses for working people, even if you continue the relationship, and I suggest that you pursue education as a priority. I will share some information on university courses with you, and encourage you to follow up.”

“Thank God I spoke with you, David, I will take this up very seriously. I have always been interested in the accounting profession. Next time we talk, the story will be much different.” Stella, her two sisters and their parents were halfway through dinner.                     

“Papa,” she started softly but firmly, “I have to let you know that the relationship with Aperkeh is virtually over. It cannot work, so I am thinking of moving out as soon as possible. He slaps me anytime he thinks I have provoked him, and this provocation is just because I complain about his late hours, and his drinking.

In the last couple of weeks two girls have come to the house to look for him. In the last case I asked the girl what she wanted from him, and she said it was none of my business, and I said in that case I would not allow her to see him. He heard us arguing, and he came out, walked the girl a little further, and gave her money.

But what gets me most is the insults. He often says that he is not married to me, so I should go back to my parents’ house if I could not stay in his house on his terms. He and his friends derisively call me ‘Waakye Girl’, as if I have done something wrong by assisting my parents to run what is certainly a decent business.”

“My daughter’’, Mama started, “we certainly sympathise with the problem you are facing. Aperkeh has no right to hit you or insult you, and I am sure your father will go and speak to him again, and speak to his parents if necessary.

We approved of the relationship because, as we have said often, we are from the same village, and our two families go back a long way. We and his parents sat down to agree to the relationship, and we have been waiting for them to come and do the formalities to make you his wife. So what he is doing is very unfortunate.

But please note, Stella, that relationships sometimes start with difficulties, which are overcome in the course of time. He must undertake never to lay his hands on you again. I’m sure your dad will go and advise him on this, and if he proves difficult we will go and see his parents. But please, Stella, exercise a little patience, and allow us to make peace.”

“Stella”, her elder sister Nancy cut in, “I fully support what Mama is saying. There are problems in every relationship. As you know, my husband Robert was a drunkard with a gun in his mouth, always shooting insults. Yet thankfully, all that has changed, and we are now making progress. Please allow us to fix the problem. It will be okay.”

“My daughter”, Papa said, “I certainly sympathise with your situation. At this time, you and Aperkeh should be acquiring the basic necessities and preparing to start a family. The path he has embarked on is a destructive one. He may have fallen into bad company. He must be cautioned to straighten up quickly before it is too late. I will go there, tomorrow, and speak with him, and if necessary I will sit down with his father. This nonsense must stop. So don’t take any action that we will all regret later.

Allow me to sort things out. It is very unfortunate for him to try to justify his behaviour with the claim that in the past men beat their partner so he is justified for hitting you. He must be checked. I will go there and speak with him this evening.”

“Papa”, Patricia said, “we will go with you. When he sees all of us he will know we are serious about checking his behaviour. Stella, hold fire just a little and go back. You know the problems I have had with Ben. He is changing, and these days he even takes the kids to school and brings them back. All will be well.” “Okay”, Stella noted. “I will expect you tomorrow evening, and I hope your intervention works.”

Papa, Mama and the two girls went to the house the next evening and sat from six to nine, and were getting up to leave when Aperkeh drove in, parked the car, greeted and joined them. Fortunately, he was quite sober.

“Aperkeh”, Papa started, “we have waited for some time, and were about to leave. It’s late so I will cut the niceties and get straight to the point. I’m sure you know why we are here. My daughter tells me that things are not going so well in your relationship.

You know that before Stella joined you here, the two parents sat and agreed and gave our blessing to your relationship. We were expecting you to come and go through the formalities in due course. So what is happening now, if true, is unfortunate.

But let me hear from you, what problems you are having with my daughter, so that I ensure that the right thing is done.”

“Well, the main problem is her disrespect. She is very disrespectful and controlling. She confronts me every time I come home, demanding to know where I have been, and why I am late.

And she fights anyone who comes to see me. I have the right to receive visitors, and I don’t understand why she should prevent people from coming to see me. So I told her that if she does not want to live here on my terms then she should go back to her parents.”

“Aperkeh, I don’t think your last statement is right. Even though she is not legally your wife, according to our traditional custom she is your wife, because her parents and your parents sat down and approved of it.

You and Stella both stood before us and said you would enter into this relationship. So you should watch your words. But first, Stella, let me first ask you your response to the accusations he has made.”

“Papa, I have not confronted or fought him over anything. He regularly comes home after 10, most of the time drunk, and very often he does not eat the food I prepare for him. I usually wait till the next day, and try to tell him that he is too young to behave like this, and he responds by slapping me.

And I have a problem with girls coming here to see him, sometimes to collect money. Certainly, I don’t agree with this. Should I sit here and watch girls come and collect money from him? Can a young man at his level afford such a lifestyle?”

“Aperkeh, I think Stella’s concerns are valid. She is advising you to stop drinking, the late hours and what she fears are the beginning of relationships with girls. I am only here to make peace. If you think there is something you can do about her concerns, let’s make peace, so that you get on with the life ahead of you.

Or I can go and sit down with your father, who is virtually my brother, so that we solve the problem together.”

“There is no need to bring my father in this”, Aperkeh declared. “I have told her that I will not sit in my own house and allow her to control me. She either stays here on my terms, or she leaves.”

“If I get you correctly’, the elderly man said as he rose, “you want to be free to go out every evening and come home drunk, and to entertain girls here whilst she, the woman given to you by your own parents, looks on. Is that what you are saying?”

“Well, you are free to interpret it anyway you like. I have already said what I have said. She either stays here on my terms and conditions, or she gets out.”

“Okay, I get you. We are going. I’m taking my daughter away, now. Before going home I will stop by your parents’ home and tell them what transpired here. I am sure they will advise you on what to do.”

“You are free to do what you like. My parents cannot dictate for me. I am a grown man.”

Without warning, the elderly man turned to him and gave him a hefty slap which sent him crashing to the floor. He managed to stand, shocked as Stella and her family walked away.

By Ekow de Heer

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