Obaa Yaa
This boy deceives my friend
Dear Obaa Yaa,
L have a close friend who is like a biological sister to me and with whom l share my dreams about life. She is in a three-year relationship with a boy of the same age, who to me is not dependable because he abuses her always.
Despite the behaviour of this young man, my friend trusts him and tries to paint a nice picture to others that their relationship is well and cannot be allowed to fall on rocks.
Quite recently, they fought and he attempted to strangle her to death, but he was unsuccessful, after which she called me at dawn.
The boy is not trustworthy because he keeps telling friends that he would not marry my friend, but comes around with sugar-coated words that he will do all within his power to marry her.
l must be frank that l cannot stand the double standard game he is playing with my friend.
While observers see the relationship as lacking credibility and, therefore, cannot last, she considers it as true love and has given her whole heart to him.
Can l impress upon her to end the relationship?
Belinda-Accra.
Dear Belinda,
You must be frank and tell your friend the truth about how you view their relationship.
Attempting to strangle her for no apparent reason should not be taken lightly. This gentleman can end her life if she fails to take serious view of current happenings in the relationship.
Judging from the utterances of the gentleman and what had transpired between them so far, it would be ideal if your friend ends the relationship in order to stay alive.
It is unfortunate she does not perceive what others see about their relationship.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
