Obaa Yaa
Can l love children as parents do?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I am a graduate from one of the tertiary institutions in the country. I have completed my National Service and secured employment in one of the prestigious companies in the country.
My major concern is that l marvel at how parents love their children and do all within their power to ensure that they have all the best of things they need.
Can l also love just as parents do and shower lots of gifts on their children. l am beginning to feel that l may not be able to live up to expectation as a father.
Joseph, Accra.
Dear Joseph,
When you observe people from a distance, it paints a different picture as regards how they act in a particular way and what really informs the decision they make.
There is a biological link among parents, children and relatives. Surprisingly, this unique bond keeps them together so long as they live.
The filial love between parents and children grows naturally. Imagine a mother who carries the child in the womb for nine months before she is delivered of her child.
The first task of a young girl who gives birth is to breastfeed the child. Having done this for a few days prepares the grounds for the commencement of love between parents and children.
Greetings
Ms Bridget AfiAzah. On the occasion of your birthday, we wish to seek for divine favours for you in all your endeavours. May God grant you long life and prosperity and cause you to grow from strength to strength. Belated happy birthday.
From: Your lovely husband, children and the entire family.
Mr Julius Kennedy Kyekye. God has been good to you in many ways and for this, we join all your loved ones to thank Him for the favours granted you. We pray that God will continue the good works he has commenced in you. Wishing you the best of luck. Belated happy birthday, dear.
From: Your lovely wife and children, relatives, friends and loved ones.
Mr Cletus Awumey. Your creator knows what is good for you and the appropriate time to respond to your demands. May He continue to bless, protect and guide you. Remember that His love will never depart from you because he loves you. Happy birthday.
From: Your family, friends and loved ones.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
