Obaa Yaa
She must leave my house
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
Having prayed seven years for the gift of the womb, l was blessed with a bouncy baby boy. This has brought about the need to arrange for a babysitter to step in when my maternity leave expires after three months.
Very helpful as she has always been, my mother arranged for a lady who has started work with zeal.
I was really impressed with the performance of this lady, and thought she was the type who l could confidently hand over my house schedules to and be rest assured that everything would be done according to my desire.
The sort of love that has developed between this lady and my first child is quite pleasing and attracts the attention of all visitors to the house.
Pleased with the performance of this lady, l once mentioned to my husband that it would be ideal if we arranged for an entrepreneurial skill training in addition to the monthly allowance we pay her.
This is to serve as a way of compensation for the invaluable services she has been rendering ever since she stepped foot in our house.
Unfortunately, reports from different sources had revealed that this lady was secretly comforting my husband in bed.
Without trying to verify the authenticity of these gossips, l am inclined to believe them because of my husband’s sudden change in character towards this lady.
My husband used to complain bitterly about all that this girl did, but he surprisingly sees no fault in this girl any longer.
What should l do to save my marriage?
Cynthia, Accra.
Dear Cynthia,
This is a dicey issue which must be carefully weighed and the possible options considered before you make a formal allegation.
You should imagine how embarrassing you will feel if this allegation turns out to be unfounded.On the contrary, you may end up worsening an already suspicious atmosphere in the house.
Any rational person with a good conscience will definitely feel uneasy when such matters are being alluded to in a conversation.
This is an opportunity for you to test their bodylanguage at different times to know their reactions. This will give you a clear picture of what is at stake, together with any further investigations you may decide to undertake.
Having done your underground checks, the next step for you to take is to expel your babysitter. Though it will be a difficult decision in view of the invaluable services that she has been rendering, you have to do it in order to save your marriage.
Know that it is not all men who have the ability to keep the marital bed intact.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
