Obaa Yaa
My mother and sister do not like my sweetheart
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were mates and good friends in the university and continued to maintain this cordial relationship till date.
Having expressed mutual love and care for each other in all aspects of our lives, we have decided to seal our love in marriage.
Thank God l had procured a good job, one of the preconditions for a successful marriage, and we have disclosed our marriage plans to our parents and all those who matter.
Unfortunately, l have lost my father, but my mother and my sister have opposed my decision to marry the lady of my heart.
They have not disclosed to me the reason for their disagreement, but l strongly believe it could be due to a long-standing misunderstanding on tribal lines.
l have gone a step further to convince my mother to develop a positive mind about people from this particular tribe, but my efforts had not yielding results.
l believe the situation would have been different if my father were alive.
What step should l take to make them agree?
Frank, Accra.
Dear Frank,
The misunderstanding surrounding your marriage is not an isolated case because it had bedeviled many marriages and would continue to persist.
The advantage you have in this case is the fact that your mother and sister have not identified any shortcoming on the part of your fiancée , which would have automatically rendered her unsuitable for marriage.
You must intensify your efforts in trying to convince your mother in particular not to depend on long-standing tribal problems to derail your plans in marriage. l think if your mother is convinced, your sister will also change her mind.
Additionally, you can seek the assistance of your uncles to intervene and talk with your mother if things are still getting out of hand.
Such entrenched positions on tribal lines are fast giving way to modern way of thinking.
l wish you well.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
