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Obaa Yaa

Many divorces frighten me

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Dear Obaa Yaa,

Reading about weddings which took place in the country, and ended up in divorces, send shivers down my spine.             

It beats my imagination why two people who had pledged their love for each other in holy matrimony and in the presence of the church, will after a few months or years forget about the vows they took and seek divorce.

Such shocking incidents do not make one desire to marry in the first place. To some of us, marriage looks like an albatross on one’s neck and becomes difficult to remove.

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A divorce case which occurred recently was one which involved a relative of mine. l am referring  to  a couple whose marriage was acclaimed one of the best in my community in recent  times.

The couple had given better meaning to marriage and some people looked up to them as role models in the community. Therefore,   their failure to sustain the marriage had sent bad signals to some of us who are contemplating marriage.  

Ever since l heard about this incident, l have lost interest in marriage and would like to close the chapter on this aspect of my life.

Have l taken the right decision about marriage?

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Sylvia, Tema.

Dear Sylvia,

It is always good to make enquiries and this offers you the opportunity to fully comprehend details of things.

Your observation could not be right because you can only infer after empirical evidence had been adduced to establish your assertion. You cannot take a few cases to conclude that majority of the weddings in your area have ended on the rocks, for which reason you should take a stance.

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Secondly, one cannot conjecture what might have caused these divorces to take place. 

We are created by God differently, and with unique gifts, and talents which were dispensed by the Giver of all good gifts.

In each of the cases, you would be surprised to discover different reasons which had caused these divorces to take place. So you have to reconsider your decision since two different marriages are not the same.

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Obaa Yaa

It’s a no for civil engineering

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MY daughter completed Senior High School this year and she had a very good grade.

With her grade, her father wants her to pursue Computer Science Engineering, but she had an interest in Civil Engineering.

Finally, admission forms are out and my daughter got Civil Engineering.

Her father doesn’t pay for her school fees because she did not choose the course he wanted her to offer.

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Due to this, they don’t see eye to eye and it is causing tension at home.

Please, how do I reconcile father and daughter? I am so stressed with what’s going on between the two. Thank you.

Enyonam, Keta.

Dear Enyonam,

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BOTH of them have legitimate feelings: the father may be worried about her future and wants to guide her, while your daughter wants to pursue a field she is genuinely interested in.

Do not try to settle the matter when either person is angry. The purpose should not be to decide who is right, but to find a solution that protects their relationship and your daughter’s future.

Ask your daughter to explain why she chose Civil Engineering.

She should explain what attracts her to the course, the subjects involved, the career opportunities and, importantly, why she believes she can succeed in it. If she has researched the universities and career paths, she should present that information to her father.

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Talk to the father that financial support should not become a weapon.

It is understandable that a parent wants to have a say in a child’s education, especially when paying the fees. However, withdrawing educational support simply because his daughter chose a different legitimate course can damage their relationship. He can express his disagreement while still supporting her and allowing her to take responsibility for her choice.

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Obaa Yaa

My crush is giving me attitude

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Dear Araba,

THERE is this handsome gentleman in my area I am crushing on badly. He gave me a lift to the office a month ago and I mistakenly farted in the car.

When the incident happened in the car, he just stared at me but looked unbothered, which made me a bit comfortable.

Araba, Takoradi.

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Dear Araba,

HONESTLY, I don’t see anything wrong with that. You are human, and human beings fart. The fact that he didn’t say anything or make you feel uncomfortable probably means he understood that it was an accidental, normal bodily function.

Ever since that incident happened, he has stopped calling or texting me. He doesn’t even give me a lift any longer.

Please, tell me, is it a crime to fart in your crush’s car?

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What is keeping you embarrassed after months is not the fart itself but the meaning you have attached to it. You have replayed the incident so many times that it has become bigger in your mind than it probably ever was in his.

Just confront him that it was a mistake and, for that matter, we should let go of everything and move on.

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