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How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce
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- Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)
Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.
Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”
Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriages—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.
The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.
While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a volatile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.
This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.
In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.
In such cases, the person typically knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithfulness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidelity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.
Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These profound effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its potential to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.
Unfortunately, marriages frequently end after adultery is discovered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeatedly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolution of their marital relationship.
Children are likely to be affected adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destructive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.
- Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication
Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective communication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.
In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statistics:
- ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent
- This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.
Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, respect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excellent communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.
It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances.Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “A COUNSELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Features
Culture of resignation
There is a culture that permeates all aspects of leadership in the advanced countries which I believe has contributed to the success in all aspects of their national lives. Citizens strive to excel so that they will not find themselves in a situation where they would have failed, to necessitate a decision to resign.
Countries where failure is frowned upon, it pushes the citizens to strive for success. In our part of the world, failure and mediocrity has become an accepted norm and therefore, there is no shame in failing in a particular position of leadership.
A head of an organisation mismanages the place and he does not see the need for him to resign. The appointing authority does not also see the need to sack him and so the merry go round continues.
It becomes friends and family as usual and if care is not taken, the rest of the world will leave us far, far behind.
The practice of resignation in parts of the world for failure in some parts of the world has to be institutionalised in our country too. It encourages the principle of accountability which is good for any organisation, sector of an economy or a country.
It promotes good governance, a necessary ingredient in the growth of the economy of any country.
When this practice becomes a culture, every individual, privileged to hold a position of trust, gives his or her full attention to the job assigned him or her, to ensure that objectives are achieved.
This trickles down to every individual down the chain of command and there are no rooms for errors.
That is how efficient systems are built over time and this is the difference between advanced nations and third world countries.
Where systems are designed such that people take responsibility for things that go wrong under their supervision or ultimate responsibility, there is evidence of development.
There are a few people that I admire in Ghana as far as this culture of resignation based on principled stance. One of them is the late Mrs Emma Mitchell. She was a cabinet member but chose to resign after the confrontation between late President Jerry Rawlings and late Vice President Kow Akaah.
She was not prepared to be part of a cabinet which was lying to the general public that Rawlings did not assault Akaah.
She was of the conviction that telling the truth is more honourable than telling lies and that if she was bound by confidentiality oaths to tell a lie, then she would resign and she did exactly that.
That is how we build a culture of truth and accountability. We have people in positions who have not lived up to expectation but are still holding on to their positions not prepared to let go of it.
This is a clear case of display of selfishness, trying to be a Boss instead of a Servant to serve the people, which leadership is all about.
The ineffectiveness of some leaders, often result in waste of resources which could have been channeled to other sectors of the economy which could have been more productive. A culture of voluntary resignation must be advocated for by all stakeholders, especially the CSOs, traditional leaders and the clergy.
This is the only way the needed growth in every sector of our national life would manifest.
Presidents, Prime Ministers, heads of reputable organisations have voluntarily resigned by taking ultimate responsibility and it is about time, we started seeing it manifest in our country.
The people in charge of our sports especially our soccer, can initiate this long desired culture and resign in view of the embarrassment witnessed from the defeat of the Black Stars by Gambia. God bless.
BY LAUD KISS-MENSAH
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Features
Responding to religious insults with faith, wisdom and restraint (Part 2)
THE QUR’AN FORBIDS RELIGIOUS PROVOCATION
There is a remarkable verse in the Qur’an which every Muslim preacher should memorise.
Allah says:
“And do not insult those they invoke besides Allah, lest they insult Allah in hostility without knowledge.” (Qur’an 6:108).
Think about this carefully.
Allah knows that the unbelievers worship false gods.
Yet Allah tells Muslims: Do not insult their objects of worship.
Why?
Because your speech may provoke an even greater offence.
This establishes a profound principle:
A Muslim must not fight religious provocation with religious provocation.
If someone insults what we hold sacred, we do not respond by insulting what they hold sacred.
If someone attacks Islam, we defend Islam with knowledge.
If someone misrepresents Muhammad (pbuh), we explain who is Muhammad to him.
If someone lies about Islam, we answer with truth and knowledge.
We do not allow another person’s bad behaviour to dictate our own morality.
LOOK AT MUHAMMAD (PBUH) — HE WAS INSULTED BEFORE WE WERE
Servant of Allah,
Sometimes we speak as though the Prophet (pbuh) lived in a world where everyone respected him.
No.
He was mocked and insulted. Quran 37:36, Quran 15:6
He was called a liar, magician, and a mad man. Quran 51:52, Quran 17:47
He was ridiculed. Quran 6:10
His followers were tortured, and some were killed. Quran 85:8-10
He himself was persecuted, leading to his migration to Madina.
Yet he remained the Messenger of Allah.
Allah said:
“Indeed, we know that your heart is distressed by what they say.” (Qur’an 15:97)
Allah acknowledged the Prophet’s pain.
Islam does not say that insults do not hurt. They hurt.
But the question is: What do you do with the pain?
THE DAY OF TA’IF: WHEN THE PROPHET (PBUH) COULD HAVE CHOSEN
REVENGE
One of the most powerful examples is the journey of the Prophet (pbuh) to Ta’if.
He went seeking support for his message.
Instead, the people rejected him and incited their children and others against him.
He was chased.
He was insulted.
He was struck with stones until his feet bled.
He was physically and emotionally exhausted.
Then the Angel of the Mountains came to him.
The two angels offered to crush the people of Ta’if between the mountains.
The Prophet (pbuh) could have said: “Do it.”
But he did not.
Instead, he hoped that Allah would bring from their descendants people who would worship Him.
This account is recorded in the authentic hadith literature, including Sahih Muslim (Muslim, 1795).
What a lesson!
The Prophet (pbuh) had suffered injustice.
But he did not turn his pain into indiscriminate revenge.
He saw beyond the offender.
He saw the possibility of tomorrow.
And this is one of the greatest characteristics of prophetic leadership:
The Prophet (pbuh) did not merely ask, “What punishment does this person deserve?”
He also asked, in effect: “What can this person become?”
THE PROPHET IN MADINAH: LEADER OF A DIVERSE SOCIETY
When Muhammad (pbuh) migrated to Madinah, he did not enter an empty city.
Madinah contained different communities, including Muslims and Jews, and there were also Christians who interacted with the Muslim community.
The Prophet became the political and communal leader of Madinah.
The Sahifah (A Covenant) of Madinah, preserved in the early sīrah (Prophet’s biography) tradition, established arrangements concerning mutual obligations, security, justice and relations among the communities of the city.
This is important:
The Prophet did not build Madinah by teaching Muslims to hate everyone who was not Muslim.
He built a society governed by covenant, responsibility and justice.
Allah says:
“Allah does not forbid you from being kind and just to those who have neither fought you because of your religion nor driven you from your homes. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.” (Qur’an 60:8)
This is not weakness.
This is Islam.
THE PROPHET DEALT WITH JEWS IN MADINAH
‘A’ishah (Wife of the Prophet) narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) bought food from a Jewish man on credit and gave him his iron armour as collateral.
“The Prophet purchased food from a Jew on credit and mortgaged his iron armour to him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 2068)
Think about it.
This was Muhammad.
The Messenger of Allah.
Yet he conducted lawful commercial dealings with a Jewish citizen.
He did not say: “He is not a Muslim, therefore I cannot deal with him.”
No.
Islam gave him a relationship governed by justice and trust.
Jabir رضيهللاعنه narrated:
“A funeral procession passed before us and the Prophet (pbuh) stood up, and we stood with him. We said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, it is the funeral of a Jew.’ He said: ‘When you see a funeral procession, stand.’” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1311)
Another narration records his response: “Is it not a soul?” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1312–1313)
What kind of heart did Muhammad (pbuh) possess?
A heart that recognised human dignity even in death.
THE PROPHET AND THE CHRISTIANS OF NAJRAN
The Prophet also received the Christian delegation of Najran.
They disagreed with him theologically.
Yet when they requested a trustworthy person, he did not choose someone because of hatred.
He selected Abu ‘Ubaydah ibn al-Jarrah.
The Prophet said:
“I shall send with you a man who is truly trustworthy.”
He then appointed Abu ‘Ubaydah.
This is authentically reported in Sahih al-Bukhari 4380–4381.
Notice something profound:
The Prophet could disagree with people without becoming dishonest toward them.
That is the standard we need today.
The author is the chief Imam of Katamanso Municipal and Certified Counsellor and Governance Expert.





