Obaa Yaa
My boyfriend is unhappy with our open relationship
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My boyfriend happily agreed to an open relationship but now that I am getting a lot more attention than him, he wants to return to monogamy.
I am a 23-year-old woman and he is 24. We met at the university and have been together for four years.
I have always felt like I met him too early. While I love and respect him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, there is so much more I want to experience first.
I want to travel and meet different people. To be honest, I want to have more sexual experiences before I settle down.
I have told my boyfriend I was interested in an open relationship and he had never rejected the idea out rightly, but when I got a job and was posted to a different region, I felt strongly the time was right to put my plan into action.
Although we both love each other and want to stay together this arrangement seemed to me the best way to be romantically involved and sexually satisfied while living in different places.
Six months into my posting, I have had four partners while my boyfriend has had none.
Now he says we should end the relationship. Please what should I do?
Esther, Pokuase
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Dear Esther,
I must say that it was a bad arrangement in the first place for both of you to have accepted to engage in such ungodly act. For a relationship to thrive, there should be trust and respect but if none is present then the relationship will go nowhere.
If you are ready for a monogamous relationship, then you must stop this behaviour.
You have been unfaithful to your boyfriend for having other partners. Remember you are prone to contracting a sexually transmitted disease easily if you engage in sexual activities with multiple sexual partners.
Forget about exploring the world and settle down with your boyfriend.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
