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Why do you want to get married? – Part 2

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• A ring is a token of your faith and love to each other

A ring is a token of your faith and love to each other

 In our journey to understanding the motives behind the union of marriage, we addressed the conscious and unconscious reasons people often say ‘I do’.

In Part 1, we explored the pres­sures of aging (I am growing old; therefore, I have to marry) and societal expectations (My family, friends and society are putting pres­sure on me to marry).

In Part 2, we delve into the influence of peer pressure and the desire to wear a wedding ring. Whether you have been following the series or are just joining us, let us continue exploring the reasons some people get married. These include (stated in their own words):

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3. My friends are all marrying; I’m the only one who is not yet married

I can understand how you feel, especially if you are a woman. As a single woman (or man), you may have difficulties attending social events alone without a spouse or would-be spouse (especially wed­dings, marriage anniversaries, and baby naming ceremonies).

Most of these feelings connected to those social events range from loneliness to embarrassment, and to anger. You feel uncomfortable that you have to go to yet another couples-centered event all alone.

I know that these feelings can make you have all kinds of un­healthy thoughts about your self-es­teem, self-value and even future prospects.

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Nevertheless, going ahead to marry anyone at all simply because of “my friends are all marrying; I am the only one who is not yet mar­ried” thoughts and feelings, can be quite dangerous.

I know you will want to know what you should do if you feel that way. Well, I can give you a few coping strategies. These strategies include:

a. You do not have to attend all your friends’ weddings.

It is not compulsory or mandato­ry for you to attend every wedding that is organised. As a coping strat­egy, you can be very selective of the weddings you choose to attend.

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In such cases, you can show your love and support to such friends ahead of the event day by genuine­ly wishing them well, giving them some form of financial or material support, and communicating how much you care about them getting married.

When these are done ahead of time and are well communicated, your friends will understand and greatly appreciate your efforts.

b. If you decide to attend the event, then be quick to challenge any automatic negative thoughts about yourself.

It is a fact that many of us are highly critical of ourselves. If you have any automatic negative thoughts, such as—“I am always going to be alone”, “I will never find someone who loves me”, “I am nobody”, “life is not treating me well”, and “I am such a loser”—then pause.

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Stop yourself and stop those negative thoughts by: I. always being quick to identify the nega­tive thoughts, II. challenging them, and III. replacing those negative thoughts with alternative healthy thoughts. Re-frame your thoughts to be more positive and helpful to your own happiness.

4. I need to wear a wedding ring too

There is nothing wrong with wearing a wedding ring and prob­ably enjoying a little glamour that comes with marriage ceremonies.

Except if you fantasise that being married with wedding ring on finger automatically implies happi­ness and fulfillment in life; then you may be greatly mistaken and in for a shock.

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Sometimes the thought of “I need to wear a wedding ring too” is a little more subtle for a lot of unmarried people.

For some people, they see mar­riage as a status symbol, so they get married thinking they will parade around town with their spouse and people will bow in their presence like they just conquered an entire empire, city or something.

Unfortunately, these are only fantasies; they are not the reality. Do not forget that for some people, wearing a wedding ring has come to represent a shackle of bondage be­cause of the many domestic abuses they suffered as a result of getting married.

Meanwhile, a ring is a very pre­cious thing—a token of your faith and your love to each other. It is a never ending circle that indicates the continuing love of God—a love that never fails and never presents itself selfish or puffed up.

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Therefore, my hope and prayer for you is that as you give yourself wholly to the wisdom and practical­ity of these articles, as well as the Bible and pre-marital counselling— the wearing of your wedding ring will come to represent something more lasting!

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSEL­OR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

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…tips for building a good parent-teacher relationship

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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.

1. Meet with the teacher and staff early

Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.

2. Help the teacher get to know your child.

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Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.

3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.

Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.

4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.

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If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class. 

5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.

Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.

6. Participate in school events.

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Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.

7. Say “thank you.”

Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.

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Building trust in relationship, marriage

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Communication is key to a successful relationship

Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble. As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?

How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?

Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish. Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.

Signs of trust issues

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So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:

– Suspicion and jealousy

– Defensiveness and accusations

– Lack of communication or withholding information

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– Dishonesty or hiding the truth

– Emotional distance or disconnection

How to build trust

Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:

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1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.

2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.

3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.

4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behaviour, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.

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5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.

Rebuilding Trust

If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.

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2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.

3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.

4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counsellor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.

Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.

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To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).

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