Relationship
How to deal with an overspending spouse
• Time to do some management
So how do you deal with a spouse who seems to blow money at the slightest whim? Be as gentle and as loving as possible, but assertive in your mission. Here are steps you can take to deal with an overspending spouse and improve your situation.
Changing your spouse’s spending habits may seem like jumping a giant hurdle, so it is best to take the process in baby steps. Follow the procedure below in order to minimise the stress of taking on this large and often intimidating task.
Approach your spouse lovingly
Do not begin by accusing your spouse of wrongdoing or by pointing out faults. Deserved or not, this sort of treatment will only drive a wedge between the two of you and make it harder to communicate. Instead, approach the subject in a loving manner.
For example, explain that you want to start monitoring spending habits as a couple, and then start a discussion from there. Another tactic is to discuss ways to save up for something really important like retirement. Drive home the point that you are a team in your financial efforts. Otherwise, your spouse may resort to lying about spending money to you.
Set up a budget
If you have yet to make a budget, take this opportunity to set one up together. Sign up for an account with Personal Capital. The tools they have will make it really simple to start having productive conversations about where the money is being spent. If you do have one, this may be a good time to revisit it and possibly revise it. Work together with your overspending spouse to figure out what your total income is and what all of your expenses are. If you can show your spouse that money spent on frivolous items is causing you to go into debt or preventing you from saving, you are on the right track. However, it’s ideal if through the creation (or revision) of your budget, your spouse can come to this conclusion without you having to point it out.
Decide on how to control spending
If you were able to get your spouse to see the error of his or her ways, that was at least half of the battle. Now, you need to help control the spending. One way to do this is by allowing both of you to only spend a certain amount of money each pay period. I recommend using the envelope budgeting system because it utilises cash to hold you accountable to staying on budget. Once you have spent your cash, you are out of money.
Set realistic goals
Once you have talked to your spouse, set up a budget, and decided on a method for controlling spending, it’s time to look at your long-term financial goals. You both need a reason for sticking to your budget and need something to work towards. Do you need to get out of debt? Make that your first goal. Do you need to save up an emergency fund or start working towards saving for retirement? Those are also very important goals.
Tip: While you create financial goals, it’s also a good idea to make goals to strengthen your marriage, such as planning frequent date nights.
Hold regular financial meetings
Reaching your goals will be a process, and if your spouse has a habit of overspending, it may take some time to break. Hold regular financial meetings to monitor and discuss your progress. You may find that some months you regress, but most likely, you will see an emerging trend of improving finances. Use this information and the meeting time as a chance to praise your spouse and encourage each other to keep working towards your collective goals.
To be continued…
Relationship
The importance of emotional intelligence in relationship and marriage
AS a marriage counsellor and published author of marriage books, I have seen firsthand the profound impact emotional intelligence can have on relationships and marriages. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise and understand emotions in yourself and others, and to use this awareness to guide thought and behaviour. In the context of relationships and marriage, emotional intelligence is a game-changer.
Emotional intelligence involves being aware of your emotions, managing them effectively, and using empathy to understand your partner’s feelings. It is about being attuned to the emotional nuances of your relationship and responding in ways that foster connection, trust, and intimacy.
In relationships and marriage, emotional intelligence helps partners navigate conflicts, communicate effectively, and build a deeper connection. When both partners have high emotional intelligence, they are better equipped to manage stress, resolve conflicts, and show empathy and understanding towards each other.
Benefits of emotional intelligence in relationships
1. Better communication
Emotional intelligence helps partners communicate their needs, feelings, and concerns more effectively.
2. Conflict resolution
Emotionally intelligent partners can manage conflicts in a more constructive and respectful way.
3. Deeper connection
Emotional intelligence fosters empathy, understanding, and intimacy in relationships.
4. Increased trust
When partners understand and manage their emotions effectively, they build trust and stability in their relationship.
Practical tips for building emotional intelligence in relationships
1. Practice self-awareness
Understand your emotions and how they impact your interactions with your partner.
2. Develop empathy
Make an effort to understand your partner’s feelings and perspective.
3. Communicate effectively
Use emotional intelligence to guide your communication and conflict resolution.
4. Manage stress together
Support each other in managing stress and emotions.
By focusing on emotional intelligence, couples can create a more loving, supportive, and enduring relationship.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling LastinMarriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
ORDER BOOK NOW:
https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/ author https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
Relationship
Not all snoring is created equal
When people are unable to differentiate between your snore and a locomotive engine or a trumpet that could break down walls, it may not just be a nuisance to your bed and housemates, but it may signal a serious medical condition.
Loud snoring may be a warning that you have Sleep Apnoea, a condition that opens doors to several serious life-threatening complications.
Not every snoring is associated with sleep apnoea and also there may be sleep apnoea without snoring.
Sleep Medicine is no luxury, we need to do everything possible to get good quality sleep, especially when sleep is one of the greatest legal performance enhancing ‘drugs’ known to man.
In sleep apnoea, breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. It may be as often as 30 times in an hour. This shortchanges our brain of oxygen, and it is a potentially dangerous sleep disorder.
Types of Sleep Apnoea;
• Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA)
o The commonest by far. Throat muscles relax and block flow of air
• Central Sleep Apnoea
o Brain does not send proper signals to muscles controlling breathing
• Complex Sleep Apnoea
What may signal Sleep Apnoea/ What to look out for
• Loud snoring
• Episodes in which you stop breathing during sleep — which would be reported by another person
• Gasping for air during sleep
• Awakening with a dry mouth
• Morning headache
• Difficulty staying asleep, known as insomnia
• Excessive daytime sleepiness, known as hypersomnia
• Difficulty paying attention while awake
• Irritability
• You may just not be able to complete a movie?
• Involved in minor accidents at home, work or even on the road?
Get checked out. Even children may suffer from sleep apnoea.
What increases our chance of developing Sleep Apnoe?
• Excess weight or fat.
• Neck circumference. People with thicker necks might have narrower airways.
• A narrowed airway. Tonsils or adenoids also can enlarge and block the airway, particularly in children.
• Being male. Men are two to three times more likely to have sleep apnea than women. However, women increase their risk if they’re overweight or if they’ve gone through menopause.
• Being older. Sleep apnea occurs significantly more often in older adults.
• Family history. Having family members with sleep apnea might increase your risk.
• Use of alcohol, sedatives or tranquilisers.
• Smoking. Smokers are three times more likely to have obstructive sleep apnoea
• Nasal congestion. If you have trouble breathing through your nose — whether from an anatomical problem or allergies — you’re more likely to develop obstructive sleep apnea.
• Medical conditions. Congestive heart failure, high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are some of the conditions that may increase the risk of obstructive sleep apnea. Polycystic ovary syndrome, hormonal disorders, prior stroke and chronic lung diseases such as asthma also can increase risk.
What complications may
occur from untreated Sleep
Apnoea
Sleep apnea is a serious medical condition. Complications of OSA can include:
• Daytime fatigue. The repeated awakenings associated with sleep apnea make typical, restorative sleep impossible, in turn making severe daytime drowsiness, fatigue and irritability likely.
You might have trouble concentrating and find yourself falling asleep at work, while watching TV or even when driving. People with sleep apnea have an increased risk of motor vehicle and workplace accidents.
You might also feel quick-tempered, moody or depressed. Children and adolescents with sleep apnea might perform poorly in school or have behaviour problems.
• High blood pressure or heart problems. Sudden drops in blood oxygen levels that occur during OSA increase blood pressure and strain the cardiovascular system. Having OSA increases your risk of high blood pressure.
OSA might also increase your risk of recurrent heart attack, stroke and irregular heartbeats, such as atrial fibrillation. If you have heart disease, multiple episodes of low blood oxygen (hypoxia or hypoxemia) can lead to sudden death from an irregular heartbeat.
• Type 2 diabetes. Having sleep apnea increases your risk of developing insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes.
• Metabolic syndrome. This disorder, which includes high blood pressure, abnormal cholesterol levels, high blood sugar and an increased waist circumference, is linked to a higher risk of heart disease
• Liver & Kidney problems
• Sleep-deprived room or house mates
• Complications during surgery and also with some medication
Lifestyle modifications that may help
• Lose excess fat. Even a slight weight loss might help relieve constriction of your throat. In some cases, sleep apnea can resolve if you return to a healthy weight, but it can recur if you regain weight.
• Exercise. Regular exercise can help ease the symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea even without weight loss.
• Avoid alcohol and certain medicines such as tranquilisers and sleeping pills. These relax the muscles in the back of your throat, interfering with breathing.
• Sleep on your side or abdomen rather than on your back. Sleeping on your belly has many posture related challenges but we may adopt that briefly as we work on definitive treatment.
• Don’t smoke.
Diagnosis and Treatment
There is help so if you think you may have sleep apnoea do not hesitate to speak to your doctor.
A few questions, examination and Sleep Studies and a diagnoses may be reached and the appropriate treatment, advice or support systems put in place.
Yes, the options vary from just lifestyle modifications to the famous CPAP, implants and even surgery BUT do seek help, not only will you feel brand-new when the condition is resolved, you may be saving relationships.
……definitely not all snoring is created equal. Find out about yours.
AS ALWAYS LAUGH OFTEN, ENSURE HYGIENE, WALK AND PRAY EVERYDAY AND REMEMBER IT’S A PRICELESS GIFT TO KNOW YOUR NUMBERS (blood sugar, blood pressure, blood cholesterol, BMI)
Dr. Kojo Cobba Essel
Health Essentials Ltd (HE&W Group)
(dressel@healthessentialsgh.com)
*Dr. Essel is a Medical Doctor with a keen interest in Lifestyle Medicine, He holds an MBA and is an ISSA Specialist in Exercise Therapy, Fitness Nutrition and Corrective Exercise. He is the author of the award-winning book, ‘Unravelling The Essentials of Health & Wealth.’
Thought for the week (1) – “I am hard pressed to choose the greatest legal performance enhancing drug. Is it good quality Sleep or Exercise?”
By Dr. Kojo Cobba Essel
