Obaa Yaa
Is he giving me false hope?
Dear Obaa Yaa
I started dating a young man about four months ago. He is 35 years and I am 25 years. He has separated from his wife before we met. He told me he wanted to divorce his wife and settle down with me but he could not finalise the divorce procedures due to the COVID-19 outbreak.
Recently he told me we should keep our relationship private until further notice, and that not even his friends should know about our relationship. He introduces me as a cousin anytime we step out and insists we can only make the relationship public after he completely divorces his wife.
It has been several months and the divorce has still not happened. Now I am beginning to think that he is only giving me false hopes. Should I continue to hold on or quit?
Yaayaa, Odumase.
Dear Yaayaa,
Some divorce procedures, indeed, take some time so you may hold on for a while if you love your man. But if your instincts are becoming too strong, then you should advise yourself appropriately, especially if the divorce is not happening.
He has separated from his wife but not divorced. He can still go back to her at anytime. To some extent, this man may be giving you flimsy excuses so he can continue having his way with you.
As long as the divorce is not complete, you cannot claim him so reduce the time you spend with him and let him finish resolving his marital issues. Proceed only when the road is clear.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I GOT married to a lady from my hometown (name withheld) because tradition does not allow us to marry people from other places. We have been living in Europe for the past six years after marriage, but she is very demanding.
For all these years, anytime my wife gets pregnant, she’ll always tell me she wants to deliver in Ghana so that she can get some help in taking care of the baby. Meanwhile, giving birth in Europe would have been a great benefit to my wife.
However, my wife is currently in Ghana to give birth to our second child and wants to spend about six months. Luckily, her brother disclosed to me about the building projects my wife was handling. That’s how I found out she wants to deliver in Ghana to supervise them. Obaa Yaa, I am confused.
—Enoch, Hamburg
Dear Enoch
I DON’T really understand why your wife is playing smart. From the look of things, both of you are happily married and making memories. The question is, what stops her from telling you that she is building in Ghana and needs your support?
I will suggest that you demand to know from her the source of the money she is using for the projects. Open communication is key to resolving this matter and ensuring trust in your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa
I AM a 30-year-old lady who holds a degree in Business Administration from the University of Ghana (Legon). I am married to a very wealthy man who provides me with everything I need.
My problem, however, is that my husband doesn’t want me to work. His explanation is that I am too beautiful, and for that matter, he is scared to lose me. His explanation doesn’t make sense, and I am very angry about his decision.
Secondly, the children are too young, and he is also not ready to employ a nanny, which makes me feel that I am a prisoner. This is a serious problem, and if I am not careful, it will affect my health since I am always indoors. I need your view on this, Obaa Yaa.
—Tina, Ada
Dear Tina
I UNDERSTAND where you are coming from because you want to work and explore. In this era, even if your husband is a billionaire, you need to work to make your own money in case any misfortune happens.
He pays me GH₵5,000 every month for being a housewife, so he doesn’t see the need for me to stress myself about work. I am not happy with this sort of life because, as a woman, it is not everything that I can ask from him. This has been my headache for some time now. Initially, I didn’t see it as a problem, but I realised that in the 21st century, being an independent woman is the best.
For close to five years, I have virtually been under house arrest; I am getting the feeling along the line that when only one person shoulders all costs at home, it makes the other person feel useless.
You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Tell him that even if he doesn’t want you to work for any company, he should set up a business for you to manage to reduce the boredom in your life. I hope that if you subtly put this point across, he will change his mind and get you something to do.
