Obaa Yaa
2 women pregnant for my husband
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My husband got another woman pregnant when we haven’t even thought of having a child. He came to confess to me and asked me to forgive him, I forgave him. It was very hard. Our marriage was less than a year old. We had planned to enjoy our marriage for two years before thinking about making babies.
I forgave him because I didn’t want the embarrassment that comes with it. I was even the one who advised him not to tell anyone about it. It was our little secret, and I encouraged him to take care of the child and the mother.
Two years later, I was pregnant when I discovered another woman was pregnant for my husband. I nearly miscarried as my heart started beating out of rhythm. When I asked him, he confessed. He broke down and cried with me while begging me not to make it an issue.
He said the devil was involved, so I should pray for him. He swore it would never happen again. I was scared for my health and the health of the baby I was carrying, so I decided to forgive and save myself the trouble. That was the hardest decision I’d ever taken in my life, but then again, he was my husband, so I had to forgive him.
My baby was only four months old when I discovered my husband had again impregnated the first woman he got pregnant. It was the woman who called to tell me their second child was on the way. I don’t know why she did that, but I felt so disrespected and broken. Before my husband came home, I had packed out of the house.
I’m in court seeking divorce. My husband is still begging me to change my mind, but I’ve seen the height and depth of shame, and I don’t think I was born to experience this kind of humiliation. Obaa Yaa, did I do the right thing?
Kafui, Kpando.
Dear Kafui,
I am still processing everything you’ve been through. Your husband’s actions are not your fault, and you’ve shown incredible strength and forgiveness. However, it’s clear he’s not respecting your boundaries or marriage.
Leaving the house might be a sign that you are done, and that’s okay. You have tried to forgive and save the marriage, but he keeps hurting you. Your well-being and mental health should be your priority, especially given your past pregnancy complications.
You deserve respect and loyalty in your marriage. Reach out to a trusted family member or a counsellor for support. I believe it is time to consider what’s best for you.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
