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Relationship

You, your partner and breast cancer

Nobody is promising there won’t be ups and downs in a relationship. While you’re worrying about feeling less attractive, your partner is also dealing with worry, anxiety, and maybe even guilt, wondering: “Could I have been responsible? Could I in some way have contributed to the cancer? Will I become radioactive if I touch her, if I touch her breast? Is her cancer contagious?” And (perhaps feeling guilty), “When will I be able to worry about myself for a change?”

It may be hard for you to figure out your needs and concerns, let alone tell your partner. You don’t want to make light of what your partner has already done for you, so phrase your requests as carefully and positively as possible: “You’ve been working so hard, doing so much — and it’s made a huge difference. But what I really need right now is to be close to you and tell you what’s making me nervous and anxious. I need you to listen, and maybe just hold me.”

Communication

Communication — talking to each other, listening to each other — is the basis of any intimate relationship. But most people have no a clue about how to talk about something as big as cancer. So here are some tips to get you started:

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Find some time

 Most couples have limited time together anyway. A breast cancer diagnosis just adds more distractions. Even when you want to discuss it, there will be so many interruptions to the extent that the conversation may lead nowhere. Schedule some time in a quiet place where you know you won’t be interrupted.

Start somewhere

Begin by talking about something comfortable and manageable — your vacation plans, even the weather. Once you’re talking, then you can work the conversation around to your fears, concerns, how the illness has changed you, and the importance of your relationship.

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Talk

Even if your partner isn’t a good communicator, that doesn’t mean he or she isn’t listening. You may need to do most of the talking yourself but, believe it or not, what you’re saying WILL be heard and it WILL sink in. Stop along the way to get feedback. Eye contact and touch can give your words greater meaning and emphasis.

Reassure your partner

Your partner may feel that you’ve got enough to deal with without listening to someone else’s fears and concerns. Make it clear that you WANT to hear how he or she is feeling, that you’re both in this together.

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Support each other

It would be nice to have a partner who understands and helps you feel better as you work to get back your old confidence, but that may just be unrealistic. He or she is probably suffering, too, and may be less able to express that suffering than you are. So each of you have all this emotion buried somewhere inside.

Breast cancer has become so common that most men have someone close in their life who has suffered the disease. There’s no way to predict how any man will respond, but there is no doubt that many men are supportive and prepared to continue the relationship.

Women may find it easier to talk to one another. It is also true, however, that a woman may feel especially vulnerable and personally threatened if her partner has breast cancer, knowing this disease is one that can affect her as well.

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Source: www.breastcancer.org.

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Relationship

 The importance of emotional intelligence in relationship and marriage

AS a marriage counsellor and pub­lished author of marriage books, I have seen firsthand the pro­found impact emotional intelligence can have on relationships and mar­riages. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise and understand emotions in yourself and others, and to use this awareness to guide thought and behaviour. In the context of relationships and marriage, emotional intelligence is a game-changer.

Emotional intelligence involves be­ing aware of your emotions, managing them effectively, and using empathy to understand your partner’s feelings. It is about being attuned to the emo­tional nuances of your relationship and responding in ways that foster connec­tion, trust, and intimacy.

In relationships and marriage, emotional intelligence helps part­ners navigate conflicts, communicate effectively, and build a deeper con­nection. When both partners have high emotional intelligence, they are better equipped to manage stress, re­solve conflicts, and show empathy and understanding towards each other.

Benefits of emotional intelligence in relationships

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1. Better communication

Emotional intelligence helps part­ners communicate their needs, feel­ings, and concerns more effectively.

2. Conflict resolution

Emotionally intelligent partners can manage conflicts in a more construc­tive and respectful way.

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3. Deeper connection

Emotional intelligence fosters em­pathy, understanding, and intimacy in relationships.

4. Increased trust

When partners understand and manage their emotions effectively, they build trust and stability in their relationship.

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Practical tips for building emotional intelligence in relationships

1. Practice self-awareness

Understand your emotions and how they impact your interactions with your partner.

2. Develop empathy

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Make an effort to understand your partner’s feelings and perspective.

3. Communicate effectively

Use emotional intelligence to guide your communication and conflict res­olution.

4. Manage stress together

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Support each other in managing stress and emotions.

By focusing on emotional intelli­gence, couples can create a more loving, supportive, and enduring relationship.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lastin­Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).

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ORDER BOOK NOW:

https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/ author https://princeoffei22.wix­site.com/website

COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAIN­ING INSTITUTE)

 By Counselor Prince Offei

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Relationship

Not all snoring is created equal

When people are unable to dif­ferentiate between your snore and a locomotive engine or a trumpet that could break down walls, it may not just be a nuisance to your bed and housemates, but it may signal a serious medical condition.

Loud snoring may be a warning that you have Sleep Apnoea, a condition that opens doors to several serious life-threatening complications.

Not every snoring is associated with sleep apnoea and also there may be sleep apnoea without snoring.

Sleep Medicine is no luxury, we need to do everything possible to get good quality sleep, especially when sleep is one of the greatest legal performance enhancing ‘drugs’ known to man.

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In sleep apnoea, breathing repeat­edly stops and starts during sleep. It may be as often as 30 times in an hour. This shortchanges our brain of oxygen, and it is a potentially danger­ous sleep disorder.

Types of Sleep Apnoea;

• Obstructive Sleep Apnoea (OSA)

o The commonest by far. Throat muscles relax and block flow of air

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• Central Sleep Apnoea

o Brain does not send proper signals to muscles controlling breath­ing

• Complex Sleep Apnoea

What may signal Sleep Apnoea/ What to look out for

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• Loud snoring

• Episodes in which you stop breathing during sleep — which would be reported by another person

• Gasping for air during sleep

• Awakening with a dry mouth

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• Morning headache

• Difficulty staying asleep, known as insomnia

• Excessive daytime sleepiness, known as hypersomnia

• Difficulty paying attention while awake

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• Irritability

• You may just not be able to complete a movie?

• Involved in minor accidents at home, work or even on the road?

Get checked out. Even children may suffer from sleep apnoea.

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What increases our chance of devel­oping Sleep Apnoe?

• Excess weight or fat.

• Neck circumference. People with thicker necks might have narrow­er airways.

• A narrowed airway. Tonsils or adenoids also can enlarge and block the airway, particularly in children.

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• Being male. Men are two to three times more likely to have sleep apnea than women. However, women increase their risk if they’re overweight or if they’ve gone through menopause.

• Being older. Sleep apnea oc­curs significantly more often in older adults.

• Family history. Having fami­ly members with sleep apnea might increase your risk.

• Use of alcohol, sedatives or tranquilisers.

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• Smoking. Smokers are three times more likely to have obstructive sleep apnoea

• Nasal congestion. If you have trouble breathing through your nose — whether from an anatomical problem or allergies — you’re more likely to develop obstructive sleep apnea.

• Medical conditions. Conges­tive heart failure, high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes are some of the conditions that may increase the risk of obstructive sleep apnea. Polycystic ovary syndrome, hormonal disorders, prior stroke and chronic lung diseases such as asthma also can increase risk.

What complications may

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occur from untreated Sleep

Apnoea

Sleep apnea is a serious medical condition. Complications of OSA can include:

• Daytime fatigue. The repeat­ed awakenings associated with sleep apnea make typical, restorative sleep impossible, in turn making severe day­time drowsiness, fatigue and irritabili­ty likely.

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You might have trouble concentrat­ing and find yourself falling asleep at work, while watching TV or even when driving. People with sleep apnea have an increased risk of motor vehicle and workplace accidents.

You might also feel quick-tempered, moody or depressed. Children and adolescents with sleep apnea might perform poorly in school or have be­haviour problems.

• High blood pressure or heart problems. Sudden drops in blood oxygen levels that occur during OSA increase blood pressure and strain the cardiovascular system. Having OSA increases your risk of high blood pressure.

OSA might also increase your risk of recurrent heart attack, stroke and irregular heartbeats, such as atrial fibrillation. If you have heart disease, multiple episodes of low blood oxy­gen (hypoxia or hypoxemia) can lead to sudden death from an irregular heartbeat.

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• Type 2 diabetes. Having sleep apnea increases your risk of devel­oping insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes.

• Metabolic syndrome. This disorder, which includes high blood pressure, abnormal cholesterol levels, high blood sugar and an increased waist circumference, is linked to a higher risk of heart disease

• Liver & Kidney problems

• Sleep-deprived room or house mates

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• Complications during surgery and also with some medication

Lifestyle modifications that may help

• Lose excess fat. Even a slight weight loss might help relieve constriction of your throat. In some cases, sleep apnea can resolve if you return to a healthy weight, but it can recur if you regain weight.

• Exercise. Regular exercise can help ease the symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea even without weight loss.

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• Avoid alcohol and certain medicines such as tranquilisers and sleeping pills. These relax the muscles in the back of your throat, interfering with breathing.

• Sleep on your side or abdomen rather than on your back. Sleeping on your belly has many posture related challenges but we may adopt that briefly as we work on definitive treat­ment.

• Don’t smoke.

Diagnosis and Treatment

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There is help so if you think you may have sleep apnoea do not hesi­tate to speak to your doctor.

A few questions, examination and Sleep Studies and a diagnoses may be reached and the appropriate treat­ment, advice or support systems put in place.

Yes, the options vary from just lifestyle modifications to the famous CPAP, implants and even surgery BUT do seek help, not only will you feel brand-new when the condition is resolved, you may be saving relation­ships.

……definitely not all snoring is creat­ed equal. Find out about yours.

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AS ALWAYS LAUGH OFTEN, ENSURE HYGIENE, WALK AND PRAY EVERYDAY AND REMEMBER IT’S A PRICELESS GIFT TO KNOW YOUR NUMBERS (blood sugar, blood pressure, blood cholesterol, BMI)

Dr. Kojo Cobba Essel

Health Essentials Ltd (HE&W Group)

(dressel@healthessentialsgh.com)

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*Dr. Essel is a Medical Doctor with a keen interest in Lifestyle Med­icine, He holds an MBA and is an ISSA Specialist in Exercise Therapy, Fitness Nutrition and Corrective Exercise. He is the author of the award-winning book, ‘Unravelling The Essentials of Health & Wealth.’

Thought for the week (1) – “I am hard pressed to choose the greatest legal performance enhancing drug. Is it good quality Sleep or Exercise?”

By Dr. Kojo Cobba Essel

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