Relationship
Tips for developing a strong parent-child relationship
Building any relationship takes work, and parent-child relationship is no different and is one of the most critical ones that you will ever form.
Below are ways to help parents and children create meaningful bonds.
- Encourage open communication
Let the child know that he or she can always come to the parent for help. This can be as simple as just listening to a problem he is facing or helping him solve something he is struggling with.
Just being present and available shows the child that the parent values their relationship and that you are there when he needs you.
If your child wants to talk, try to stop what you’re doing and be present, even if you are in the middle of something. By getting your full attention, your child will know that he can come to you for help and you’ll make him a priority.
- Listen and empathise
Parents may think they have all the answers to their children’s problems. But often what children need is a just listening ear and to be reminded they are not alone.
Parents may not really understand what their child is feeling, but must do their best to be empathetic.
They do not have to feel sorry for their child, but instead acknowledge that the child’s feelings is valid.
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The fight did not start in the bedroom. It started at the ATM.
He withdrew GH₵1,500 to send to his younger brother for school. She saw the debit alert. She had planned to use that same money to buy foodstuffs for the house. No one told the other. Both thought they had the right.
She said, “You don’t respect me.”
He said, “It’s my money, I worked for it.”
In that moment, their marriage stopped being a partnership and became a power struggle.
This is the question I am asked almost every day in counselling: “Counselor Prince, after we say I Do, is it MY money or OUR money?”
My answer always shocks couples.
After I Do, there is no “my money.” There is only “our money managed wisely.” But wise management means you need a system, not just sentiment.
Why the “my money” mentality is destroying marriages
Many Ghanaian men and women enter marriage with a dangerous mindset they learned from home. For some men, they watched their fathers control everything. “I am the man, I provide, so I decide.” So he gives his wife ‘chop money’ like a school child. That is not marriage. That is employment.
For some women, they watched their mothers suffer because they had no money of their own. So she swears, “I will never depend on a man. My salary is my salary.” So she builds wealth alone while her home is struggling. That is not security. That is emotional divorce.
Research from the American Psychological Association is clear: When couples feel financial inequality and financial secrecy, their satisfaction with the marriage drops by more than 70 per cent. It is not about who earns more. It is about who feels respected.
In Ghana today, with mobile money, two salaries, side hustles, and family pressures, if you don’t have a money system, you will have a money war. Love does not pay bills. Systems do.
The biggest mistake: The one-pot or the two-pot marriage
Most couples do one of two things, and both fail.
- Mistake 1: The one-pot – “Let’s put everything together.”
Everything goes into one joint account. Sounds romantic, but after three months, one person feels policed. “Why did you buy that dress? Why did you send that money?” You start asking for permission to use your own sweat. Resentment grows.
- Mistake 2: The two-pot – “Your money is yours, my money is mine.”
You split bills. He pays rent, she pays food. Sounds fair, but it is not a marriage. It is a hostel. You are roommates with a wedding ring. When one person loses a job or gets sick, the whole arrangement collapses because there was never “our” money.
Both systems create competitors, not partners.
After counselling countless couples, I have seen one system save more marriages than any sermon I have ever preached. I call it ‘The 3-Pot System’.
Source: Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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You can now read the Ghanaian Times and The Spectator newspapers from the comfort of your device via TimesNewsPlus.
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SKIP THE QUEUE, TAP THE NEWS
You can now read the Ghanaian Times and The Spectator newspapers from the comfort of your device via TimesNewsPlus.
Join our WhatsApp Channel: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VbBElzjInlqHhl1aTU27
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
