Obaa Yaa
They always insult me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young woman married to a businessman who is doing well in life. Right from the outset, our marriage has been plagued with interferences. He has a problem of discussing our marital issues with his family members and friends and even consulting them before reaching any decision without my knowledge.
What makes matters worse is that he insults me at the least provocation, but only consults me only when he needs my help. Anytime l complain, he takes offence and would not be in good terms with me for a long period.
This situation has been going on for quite a long time and l am now used to it because l have no alternative. But I must say that it does not auger well for us.
Recently, the wife of one of his friends called me on phone and rained insults on me by using words like, “ you are useless” and others that l cannot use in print. The second incident was when one of his relatives told me that l was foolish and did not deserve to be married to their cousin.
Although l was hurt by both insults, l did not react instantly, but took it cool and ignored the insults for peace to prevail.
The issue is that whenever l see them, it reminds me of the nasty words they used on me.
What should l do?
Dear Felix,
I wish to commend you for comporting yourself in the face of all the challenges that you are going through.
The audacity with which the family members are insulting you clearly shows that they have the backing of your husband that is why they have the effrontery to do what they have done.
Secondly, the adage that there is no smoke without fire also lends credence to the fact that your husband has given them a lot of information.
This sort of situation cannot go on forever, therefore, enough must be enough. You have to inform your husband about the continued misbehaviour of his relatives and the people who are close to him and know much about what pertains in your family.
He should know that you are hurt and cannot entertain the insults any longer. He should know that there is a limit to everything and he should not forget that you also have family members and friends who are capable of defending you.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young gentleman who is 25 years of age. I have been dating a lady for the past three years and I have plans of taking her to the altar.
However, there is a problem that threatens the love and bond that exits between us.
Growing up, I have vouched not to engage in any sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. But she seems to have an issue with it.
According to her, my decision makes her feel I am not truly in love as I claim . I must say that I am confused about the situation and I don’t want to lose her because I love her so much.
Thomas, Wa.
Dear Thomas,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with your decision to abstain from sex before marriage. True love is not only proven through physical intimacy, but also through respect, patience, understanding and shared values.
If your girlfriend truly loves you, she should be willing to respect your convictions just as you respect her feelings. It is important for both of you to have an honest and calm conversation about your beliefs, expectations and future together.
Let her understand that your decision is not because you do not love her, but because you value both her and the relationship deeply.
At the same time, try to listen to her concerns without judging her. Relationships survive when couples communicate openly and support each other’s principles. Never feel pressured to do something against your values simply out of fear of losing someone.
A healthy relationship should not force one partner to compromise their morals.
If the two of you truly see a future together, then patience, trust and mutual respect will help strengthen your bond. Stay true to yourself while continuing to show her genuine love, care and commitment.
I wish you all the best.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
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