Obaa Yaa
They always insult me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young woman married to a businessman who is doing well in life. Right from the outset, our marriage has been plagued with interferences. He has a problem of discussing our marital issues with his family members and friends and even consulting them before reaching any decision without my knowledge.
What makes matters worse is that he insults me at the least provocation, but only consults me only when he needs my help. Anytime l complain, he takes offence and would not be in good terms with me for a long period.
This situation has been going on for quite a long time and l am now used to it because l have no alternative. But I must say that it does not auger well for us.
Recently, the wife of one of his friends called me on phone and rained insults on me by using words like, “ you are useless” and others that l cannot use in print. The second incident was when one of his relatives told me that l was foolish and did not deserve to be married to their cousin.
Although l was hurt by both insults, l did not react instantly, but took it cool and ignored the insults for peace to prevail.
The issue is that whenever l see them, it reminds me of the nasty words they used on me.
What should l do?
Dear Felix,
I wish to commend you for comporting yourself in the face of all the challenges that you are going through.
The audacity with which the family members are insulting you clearly shows that they have the backing of your husband that is why they have the effrontery to do what they have done.
Secondly, the adage that there is no smoke without fire also lends credence to the fact that your husband has given them a lot of information.
This sort of situation cannot go on forever, therefore, enough must be enough. You have to inform your husband about the continued misbehaviour of his relatives and the people who are close to him and know much about what pertains in your family.
He should know that you are hurt and cannot entertain the insults any longer. He should know that there is a limit to everything and he should not forget that you also have family members and friends who are capable of defending you.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
