Obaa Yaa
He promised to pay my school fees
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We are young graduates who are seriously in love and would like to be married if our plans go through successfully.
Additionally, we are working under the same employer but in different departments and districts.
We very much understand each other, offer assistance and support in any kind when necessary.
Though we hail from different parts of the country, we have agreed that ethnicity should not be an impediment in our resolve to get married at the appropriate time.
Eager to know each other’s parents per our schedule, she took the initiative by taking me to her hometown, where i was received with joy with the assurance that i was always welcome to the family.
Unfortunately, the scenario with my parents has presented the exact opposite as my father is vehemently against our relationship, with the explanation that he would not permit me to marry from that tribe.
As fast as she is, she has been able to interpret the body language of my father indicating that she is not welcome in the family.
She was unhappy about my father’s attitude towards her and for that matter would like to know whether she would be accepted in the family.
Should i tell her the truth, and how do i convince my father to rescind his decision?
Kwame, Koforidua.
Dear Kwame,
We normally seek the blessings of our parents who are our first teachers on earth before we embark on any serious venture. When they give their consent, blessings and good fortunes follow us in our activities. But when the contrary happens, frustrations, misunderstandings and mistrust set in our relationship, a situation which does not promote peace, harmony and development.
Your father should give his reasons to back his disapproval not leave it in vacuum.
There is the need for you to convince your father personally or through some close relatives who possess mediation skills to let your father know that since there are imperfections in the world, he has to bless your marriage to succeed.
It could also be that the signals might not be the true reflections of his misgivings.
Tell your father about the good qualities of this lady, how resourceful she is and the immense assistance you will gain in marrying her.
Do not take offence with your father because of his disapproval but remain calm and control the emotions of your lady. Above all, do not tell her about the true picture on the ground, though she could guess.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young gentleman who is 25 years of age. I have been dating a lady for the past three years and I have plans of taking her to the altar.
However, there is a problem that threatens the love and bond that exits between us.
Growing up, I have vouched not to engage in any sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. But she seems to have an issue with it.
According to her, my decision makes her feel I am not truly in love as I claim . I must say that I am confused about the situation and I don’t want to lose her because I love her so much.
Thomas, Wa.
Dear Thomas,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with your decision to abstain from sex before marriage. True love is not only proven through physical intimacy, but also through respect, patience, understanding and shared values.
If your girlfriend truly loves you, she should be willing to respect your convictions just as you respect her feelings. It is important for both of you to have an honest and calm conversation about your beliefs, expectations and future together.
Let her understand that your decision is not because you do not love her, but because you value both her and the relationship deeply.
At the same time, try to listen to her concerns without judging her. Relationships survive when couples communicate openly and support each other’s principles. Never feel pressured to do something against your values simply out of fear of losing someone.
A healthy relationship should not force one partner to compromise their morals.
If the two of you truly see a future together, then patience, trust and mutual respect will help strengthen your bond. Stay true to yourself while continuing to show her genuine love, care and commitment.
I wish you all the best.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
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