Obaa Yaa
He promised to pay my school fees
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We are young graduates who are seriously in love and would like to be married if our plans go through successfully.
Additionally, we are working under the same employer but in different departments and districts.
We very much understand each other, offer assistance and support in any kind when necessary.
Though we hail from different parts of the country, we have agreed that ethnicity should not be an impediment in our resolve to get married at the appropriate time.
Eager to know each other’s parents per our schedule, she took the initiative by taking me to her hometown, where i was received with joy with the assurance that i was always welcome to the family.
Unfortunately, the scenario with my parents has presented the exact opposite as my father is vehemently against our relationship, with the explanation that he would not permit me to marry from that tribe.
As fast as she is, she has been able to interpret the body language of my father indicating that she is not welcome in the family.
She was unhappy about my father’s attitude towards her and for that matter would like to know whether she would be accepted in the family.
Should i tell her the truth, and how do i convince my father to rescind his decision?
Kwame, Koforidua.
Dear Kwame,
We normally seek the blessings of our parents who are our first teachers on earth before we embark on any serious venture. When they give their consent, blessings and good fortunes follow us in our activities. But when the contrary happens, frustrations, misunderstandings and mistrust set in our relationship, a situation which does not promote peace, harmony and development.
Your father should give his reasons to back his disapproval not leave it in vacuum.
There is the need for you to convince your father personally or through some close relatives who possess mediation skills to let your father know that since there are imperfections in the world, he has to bless your marriage to succeed.
It could also be that the signals might not be the true reflections of his misgivings.
Tell your father about the good qualities of this lady, how resourceful she is and the immense assistance you will gain in marrying her.
Do not take offence with your father because of his disapproval but remain calm and control the emotions of your lady. Above all, do not tell her about the true picture on the ground, though she could guess.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
