Obaa Yaa
I am in love with Businessman
I am a Level 300 student in one of the universities. A businessman proposed love to me two years ago and I must admit that we’ve had interesting moments together.
My lover treated me like a queen and it was always joy when I was in his company, especially when we travelled out of Accra to lovely places for pleasure since I knew I was schooling.
He demanded that I should abort the pregnancy or should not mention his name as the one responsible. He further threatened that I should consider the end of the relationship if I failed to carry out his instruction.
My fake lover claimed that his intention was to allow me have enough time to complete my education uninterrupted.
I am surprised about the sudden change in his character, from a seemingly loving person who appeared very humble and promised me heaven on earth as a means to demonstrate his love for me.
Do I have a future with such a person?
Ama, Tema.
Dear Ama,
We often fall in trouble because of our failure to critically think about the consequences of certain actions we take in life. As a student your primary duty is to concentrate on your studies and ensure that you achieve your aim of going to school.
You should not forget that your parents have invested their meagre income in your education, hence the need for you to have focused in school.
In the first place, your parents will not be happy that you are pregnant thereby defeating your purpose of going to school.
The predicament you find yourself suggests that your parents have wasted their resources in your education, a situation which will give people in the community the opportunity to rain insults on you.
Going by the adage, “Two wrongs do not make a right,” I will suggest that you maintain the pregnancy irrespective of the fact that you will incur the displeasure of your parents, relatives and friends.
Abortion displeases God, and you can either die in the process or become barren as a result. Do not succumb to the pressure from your boyfriend who has a child.
You have to defer the course to give birth and be ready for the insults and ridicule.
You must plead for forgiveness from your parents and let life go on, though it will be difficult to go through the period.
Remain resolute in the face of this challenge and you will emerge victorious, provided you remain focused in life.
A female lawyer shared her experience during a television discussion that she had to defer school when she got pregnant, was delivered of the baby, after which she continued her education. She commended her mother who took care of her baby while she returned to school.
This man cannot be trusted since his aim was to satisfy his sexual pleasure.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me.
The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.
My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.
It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.
I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.
Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?
Efua, Takoradi.
Dear Efua,
To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.
My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.
Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.
Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.
Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.
A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman in my mid-30s. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 14 years.
We have built a strong bond over the years, and despite everything, I still love him deeply.
However, our relationship hasn’t been perfect. Throughout the years, we have decided to try as much as possible to make it work.
A few months ago, he travelled to the Dubai. He recently confessed something that has completely surprised me.
He informed me that he had mistakenly gotten another woman pregnant. Despite everything, he wants to marry me and is making plans for me to join him abroad so we can settle down.
The situation has become even more complicated because the woman she has impregnated is also insisting she should marry her.
Yet he keeps assuring me that I am the woman he truly needs to spend his life with.
Parts of me wants to walk away after all the betrayals. Another part of me feels 14 years is hard work for me to let go. I can’t stop wondering if there are more of secrets he is hiding.
Baaba, Sunyani.
Dear Baaba,
If you have been with a man for 14 years and he has impregnated another woman, the decision about whether to let him go depends on more than just the pregnancy. Is your boyfriend remorseful of what he has taken you through?
A pregnancy creates a lifelong connection between him and the other woman because they will communicate for the sake of the child.
After 14 years, you deserve clarity and commitment. It may be worth asking whether staying is serving your happiness and self –respect.
Do not focus only on the fact that he impregnated another woman, but on what his actions over the years over the kind of partner he has been.
