Obaa Yaa
Should l take him back?
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We were classmates and later fell in love after we had completed school. Though l was pregnant at a time he was not employed and, therefore, had to depend solely on our parents, our love for each other was great.
He was forced to perform my marriage rites after which l moved to stay in his house.
We spent precious times together and made fervent prayers for God’s intervention in our marriage. Fortunately, God listened to our prayers and he secured a job which exceedingly gladdened my heart.
I thought that would permanently end our suffering but that rather marked the beginning of my worries.
Weeks after my husband had got the job, he always gave excuses of attending meetings after work, delayed in coming from work and finally chose to sleep in town.
After some months, he packed his things from the house and went to stay with another woman and has since failed to visit me.
Four years later and now that he has lost his job, he is pleading that l should accept him back. Is it my fate to cater for a jobless husband?
What step should l take?
Mary, Tema.
Dear Mary,
There is no transparency in the character of your husband because he only knows you exist only when he is in crises but shuns your company when conditions have changed.
There is no guarantee that he will stay glued to you when he gets another job.
l don’t think your husband can be trusted based on his previous behaviour.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
