My lover is against my tribe

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a boy of 25 and civil servant. I am in love with a very beautiful girl who is a student.

I proposed to her and she accepted. We love each other so much and been together for eight years and hope to get married in future.

However, my lover talks against my tribe any time we meet.

She later told me her parents strongly dislike my tribe and warned that none of their children should marry from that tribe.

My girlfriend again told me that I should not be disturbed but if I really love her, she will convince her parents to agree to our marriage.

I am in doubt that this lady can convince her parents to agree to the marriage, because she also doesn’t like my tribe. I want to break up with her before it is too late.

I am Northerner and she is a Fante.

Malik, Bolgantanga.

Dear Malik,

THIS is prevalent but excruciating challenge in many cultures where tribal, ethnic or family loyalty plays a big role in relationship.

I believe you have taken the right decision and the earlier you implement it the better.

Again, communicate openly with your lover and also focus on your love and connection.

A loving partner will be willing to understand, compromise and not reject you because of your tribe.

If she refuses to respect your background it could be a red flag, especially in a long term.

If you do marry and have children in the future, would she and her parents not make the children miserable just because through no choice, they were

Mummy has disowned me

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a 25 year old man who completed Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology (KNUST) last year.

I had a confrontation with my mother after stealing her money to travel abroad; but this failed.

As a result, she has disowned me. My brother and I have sought the assistance of elders in our family and pastors to reconcile us but she has rejected all these.

She doesn’t talk to me nor cook for me. We leave like strangers in our home and I am uncomfortable.

I have pleaded with her countless times, but she doesn’t give ear to my plea.

I am burdened with this problem and I can’t cope anymore. I am sad and miserable. What should I do?

Ofori, Brekum.

Dear Ofori,

I guess you are just paying the wages of your sins. Come to terms with the fact that you have brought all of this upon yourself. Since you are so miserable, begin to work on yourself and turn away from your deeds.

You have already taken the first step by recognising your fault.

Now, begin to seek counselling from your church pastor and family elders.

When your mother sees and hears that you are now a changed person, I believe she will accept you back.

Obaa Yaa

I saw her with four boys

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a boy of 25 years and she is a 19- year old Junior High School graduate. We are neighbours and our relationship started a year ago. I made her understand that I am a Christian and therefore, our relationship would be platonic.

Everything was going on smoothly until I started getting complaints from her relations and friends about her immorality. When I confronted her, she denied it.

On June 30 this year, I personally saw her in the company of four boys. I reported her to my father and when he asked her, she could not utter a word.

On our way out, a man called her and she excused herself but did not return till later in the night.

I broke up with her the same day because I couldn’t stand the betrayal.

But my problem now is that she is going around insulting me.

I find this really embarrassing.

Nii, La

Dear Nii,

Try and get your parents or other family members to get in touch with the girl’s family to talk to her.

Besides at 25 years, you are still young. Concentrate on your studies or whatever you want to do in life for a career and stop getting involved in affairs of the opposite sex until you are ready to marry.