Obaa Yaa
My husband is lovely and caring
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I had married for five years with two children and this gave me the false impression that things would sail smoothly into the future with my family.
Unfortunately, things turned upside down after l was delivered of my second child. As a nursing mother, l tried to calm the raging tension with the hope that things were going to change by playing a role for peace to prevail in the house.
But l had the shock of my life when my husband asked me to pack my belongings and leave the house with the two children who he claimed were not his.
Despite the intervention of my parents, my husband did not change his decision and l became traumatised.
With my meagre salary, l had to cater for my children, their education as well as my aged parents.
One day, the items l bought from the market poured on the ground and a gentleman who was standing by quickly assisted me to pick them. He bought a stronger polythene bag for me to carry my things.
Since then we became good friends and there was not a single day that he would not ask of me. He later requested to visit my parents after which he proposed to marry me.
One day, he decided to visit my parents after which he proposed to marry me. Though l have two children for which l thought my marriage to him would not be possible, he assured me that l should not worry because my children were his as well.
Since our marriage, he loves me and my children as though he is their biological father and this has made me to love him more and l now forgotten of my problems in my previous marriage.
I am surprised at the display of love from my new husband and l will continue to love him all the days of my life.
Cynthia, Tema.
Dear Cynthia,
Your case reminds me of the verse in the Bible which encourages us to be grateful to God no matter the circumstance. Count yourself very blessed for coming across such a lovely husband who has transferred the love he has for you to your children.
Having received this measure of love from your present husband, educate your children to reciprocate their love and respect for him. This is the only means they can sustain his love for your family.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
