Relationship
Is your marriage counsellor or couples therapist right for you?
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Ensure to have a say in whoever counsels you
As a single or couple preparing to get married, take personal interest in who counsels you as your marriage therapist or counsellor. Because who you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions you would ever make in your life.
Pre-marital counselling ought not to be some formality you need to satisfy in order to get married. If you are interested in how your life and future turns out, then do not take for granted the person who prepares you for your marriage journey.
Always remember that your marriage can make or break you. Therefore, make sure you have a say in who counsels you, especially if you realise that the marriage counsellor is not qualified and has very little pre-marital counselling experience.
For most of you, because you are in the Church environment, you are not given the chance to choose who prepares you for your marriage. I understand that perfectly. However, if you realise the counsellor you have been assigned will not be helpful in giving you that solid foundation for your marriage journey, then I would encourage you to ask your Senior Pastor or the Head of Counselling Unit to give you another counsellor you would be more comfortable with.
Make this request in a respectful manner. In many cases, if there are other marriage counsellors available, I know the Church would be more than willing to grant your request by giving you another counsellor.
Nevertheless, in an extreme situation where you don’t get any replacement because it is only one counsellor you are all stuck to, I would encourage you to seek professional pre-marital counselling outside while you still go through the pre-marital counselling package of your Church.
Do not ever rebel against your Church! Instead, get additional professional counselling from a counselling facility like ours (Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, which is a mental health and counselling consult accredited by Ghana Psychology Council).
Indeed, such professional services would attract some fees; however, if experiencing a happy, fulfilling and lasting marriage is your main goal, then no cost would be too much for you to get professional support.
Qualities to look out for in Your Marriage Counsellor
As you embark on the journey of marriage, remember that seeking help from a professional marriage therapist or counsellor can be a valuable asset to your relationship.
I admit there are so many characteristics you would have to consider when choosing your marriage therapist or counsellor. Nevertheless, the following are the core qualities that your marriage counsellor or therapist must possess:
1. Respect for your Christian faith and values
If you are a Christian searching for a qualified Christian marriage counsellor, look for a marriage counsellor who aligns with your Christian beliefs and values. It would be helpful if the counsellor is a strong Christian himself or herself. They should have a solid understanding of biblical principles and must have the required skills to effectively integrate such principles into their counselling approach.
As a Christian couple, it will be a plus if your marriage counsellor is doctrinally solid, secure in his own marriage and family relationships (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:7), and living in obedience to God’s Word within his or her marriage.
2. Expertise in marriage counselling
Look for a counsellor with specific training and experience in couple counselling or therapy. The counsellor should have a master’s or undergraduate degree in marriage or couple counselling, or at least some form of professionally accredited certificate in marriage or couplesss counselling.
A professional certificate such as, Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult’s ‘Certificate in Counselling and Marriage Therapy’, which is accredited by Ghana Psychology Council (GPC). In extreme cases where the person does not have any of these training, you could look out for at least general counselling or psychology training, in addition to some years of experience in handling couples.
Within the context of Christian training, I know many recognised and accredited Christian Seminaries and Pastoral Schools integrate some basic marriage counselling courses to equip the pastors. However, it is not all pastors who have the required expertise to provide effective pre-marital counselling.
Ultimately, find a counsellor who has specific relevant experience in working with couples and marriage-related issues. They must have some years of practice and a track record of helping couples overcome challenges and improve their relationships.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC)
1. Talk early and often
It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.
2. Go to the orientation
If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.
3. Meet the teacher
For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.
4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons
In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.
5. Take your kids shopping with you
Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.
6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations
At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.
7. Practice your new routine
Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.
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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.
1. Meet with the teacher and staff early
Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.
2. Help the teacher get to know your child.
Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.
3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.
Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.
4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.
If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class.
5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.
Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.
6. Participate in school events.
Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.
7. Say “thank you.”
Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.
