Ensure to have a say in whoever counsels you

 As a single or couple preparing to get married, take personal interest in who counsels you as your marriage therapist or counsellor. Because who you choose to marry is one of the most important decisions you would ever make in your life.

Pre-marital counselling ought not to be some formality you need to satisfy in order to get married. If you are interested in how your life and future turns out, then do not take for granted the person who prepares you for your marriage journey.

Always remember that your mar­riage can make or break you. There­fore, make sure you have a say in who counsels you, especially if you realise that the marriage counsellor is not qualified and has very little pre-mari­tal counselling experience.

For most of you, because you are in the Church environment, you are not given the chance to choose who prepares you for your marriage. I understand that perfectly. However, if you realise the counsellor you have been assigned will not be helpful in giving you that solid foundation for your marriage journey, then I would encourage you to ask your Senior Pas­tor or the Head of Counselling Unit to give you another counsellor you would be more comfortable with.

Make this request in a respectful manner. In many cases, if there are other marriage counsellors available, I know the Church would be more than willing to grant your request by giving you another counsellor.

Nevertheless, in an extreme situa­tion where you don’t get any replace­ment because it is only one counsellor you are all stuck to, I would encour­age you to seek professional pre-mar­ital counselling outside while you still go through the pre-marital counsel­ling package of your Church.

Do not ever rebel against your Church! Instead, get additional pro­fessional counselling from a coun­selling facility like ours (Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, which is a mental health and coun­selling consult accredited by Ghana Psychology Council).

Indeed, such professional services would attract some fees; however, if experiencing a happy, fulfilling and lasting marriage is your main goal, then no cost would be too much for you to get professional support.

Qualities to look out for in Your Marriage Counsellor

As you embark on the journey of marriage, remember that seeking help from a professional marriage therapist or counsellor can be a valu­able asset to your relationship.

I admit there are so many charac­teristics you would have to consider when choosing your marriage thera­pist or counsellor. Nevertheless, the following are the core qualities that your marriage counsellor or therapist must possess:

1. Respect for your Christian faith and values

If you are a Christian searching for a qualified Christian marriage coun­sellor, look for a marriage counsellor who aligns with your Christian beliefs and values. It would be helpful if the counsellor is a strong Christian himself or herself. They should have a solid understanding of biblical princi­ples and must have the required skills to effectively integrate such princi­ples into their counselling approach.

As a Christian couple, it will be a plus if your marriage counsellor is doctrinally solid, secure in his own marriage and family relationships (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:7), and living in obedience to God’s Word within his or her marriage.

2. Expertise in marriage counsel­ling

Look for a counsellor with specif­ic training and experience in couple counselling or therapy. The counsellor should have a master’s or undergrad­uate degree in marriage or couple counselling, or at least some form of professionally accredited certificate in marriage or couplesss counselling.

A professional certificate such as, Counsellor Prince & Associates Con­sult’s ‘Certificate in Counselling and Marriage Therapy’, which is accred­ited by Ghana Psychology Council (GPC). In extreme cases where the person does not have any of these training, you could look out for at least general counselling or psycholo­gy training, in addition to some years of experience in handling couples.

Within the context of Christian training, I know many recognised and accredited Christian Seminaries and Pastoral Schools integrate some basic marriage counselling courses to equip the pastors. However, it is not all pastors who have the required exper­tise to provide effective pre-marital counselling.

Ultimately, find a counsellor who has specific relevant experience in working with couples and mar­riage-related issues. They must have some years of practice and a track record of helping couples overcome challenges and improve their relation­ships.

To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

COUNSELLOR PRINCE & ASSOCI­ATES CONSULT (CPAC)