Relationship
Is cohabitation good for future marriage?
Couples living together, cohabiting or coexisting, and sharing sexual intimacy before marriage, is said to increase or encourage divorce.
This has been confirmed by Ambert (2009) who explained that cohabited couples are less committed and can easily decide to go or come out of a relationship as compared to married couples who are much committed.
Moreover, multiple cohabitations (with different partners in previous relationships) before marriage increase the risk of divorce.
The reason is that when such a couple is married, they are more likely to opt for divorce easily since they have previous records of often ending cohabited relationships before they finally married the one they are with.
Rodrigues, Hall and Fincham (2006) revealed in their findings that men and women who cohabit their future spouses before marriage have a higher likelihood of divorce as compared to their counterparts who do not.
On the extreme end, a research study has shown that cohabitation which involved only one partner stands a lower risk of divorce after marriage than cohabitation which involved series of partners.
Nevertheless, the divorce risk for one partner cohabitation is still higher than a couple who did not cohabit at all.
What does all this mean to you? Are you and your partner cohabiting before your marriage?
These research findings confirm that not only is the Christian teaching against cohabitation a spiritual reason; but in addition, it is a well-documented research fact attesting to the infallibility of the Holy Scriptures.
They confirm that the Bible is true in all its foundational teachings.
Thankfully, as Christian partners who are governed by the authority of the Holy Scriptures, I am sure you have been taught in one way or the other to stay away from cohabiting since it is not a godly or holy way of living in the sight of the Almighty God. The Church’s teaching on cohabitation is not an ‘arbitrary’ rule.
Living together before marriage is a sin; because it violates God’s commandments and the law of the Church.
As earlier stated, by the word ‘cohabitation’, we mean the practice of a man and a woman living together, and sharing sexual intimacy, without being married. The only sexual relations that are approved by God are inside the covenant of marriage.
Cohabitation is not a modern trend; it dates back through most of history. In the Roman city of Corinth, sex outside of marriage was common, so much so that the converts to Christianity had written to the Apostle Paul about the problem. His reply was:
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote:
“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Cor. 7:1 3, ESV)
Paul gave this instruction because he understood that God’s purpose for sex was inside the commitment of marriage. Sex outside the marriage relationship is called ‘sexual immorality’.
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.
COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).
Author, Psychotherapist, Psychologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister
Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)
Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be tricky. With constant access to each other’s lives online, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. Here are practical tips to help couples manage social media use effectively.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step is to talk openly with your partner about social media usage and how it affects your relationship. Honest conversations may feel challenging, but they are essential for understanding each other’s perspectives and setting mutually acceptable boundaries.
2. Be Specific
When discussing boundaries, be clear about the behaviors that bother you and the limits you’d like to set. For example, instead of saying, “You spend too much time on social media,” try:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”
3. Be Considerate
Consider and respect your partner’s viewpoint. Setting boundaries is not about controlling each other; it’s about creating balance and fostering trust in the relationship. The goal is to maintain connection without letting social media interfere with your bond.
4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Social media etiquette guidelines can help couples define what is and isn’t acceptable online behavior. Discuss whether you will follow each other, what kinds of photos you’ll post, and how you will interact with others online. Clear guidelines help prevent misunderstandings and maintain respect.
5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respecting privacy is crucial. Avoid snooping on your partner’s accounts, sharing personal information without consent, or posting photos or updates that may make them uncomfortable. Trust and respect form the foundation of a healthy digital relationship.
6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Remember that social media often shows a curated “highlight reel” of other people’s relationships. Avoid comparing your relationship to these selective portrayals. Every relationship is unique, with its own challenges and successes. Focus on what makes your bond special rather than online comparisons.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media is key to nurturing a healthy, happy relationship. Open communication, mutual respect, agreed-upon etiquette, and avoiding comparison with others online are all vital steps in maintaining intimacy and trust in the digital age.
Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
In the realm of romantic relationships, vulnerability and openness are often misconstrued as signs of weakness. However, research in psychology and relationship counselling suggests that embracing vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening bonds.
The Power of Vulnerability
Vulnerability involves sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires with our partner, making us susceptible to potential hurt or rejection. Yet, it is precisely this openness that allows us to build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety in our relationships.
When couples prioritise vulnerability, they often experience a profound shift in their relationship dynamics. For instance, a couple I counselled, who were struggling to connect after a recent move, found that sharing their fears and anxieties with each other helped them rebuild their emotional intimacy. By being open about their struggles, they were able to support each other and strengthen their bond.
Benefits of Vulnerability and Openness
- Deeper understanding: By sharing our thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner.
- Increased empathy: When we are open about our struggles, our partner is more likely to respond with compassion and support.
- Resilience: Vulnerability helps us develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate challenges together.
- Authentic connection: By being our authentic selves, we create a sense of mutual understanding and connection.
Cultivating Vulnerability in Relationships
So, how can we cultivate vulnerability in our relationships? Here are some practical tips:
- Start small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations, like discussing a book or movie. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually share more personal aspects of yourself.
- Practice active listening: When your partner shares their vulnerabilities, respond with empathy and understanding. This helps create a safe space for open communication.
- Be present: Focus on the present moment and try to let go of distractions. This allows you to stay engaged and responsive to your partner’s needs.
- Show appreciation: Express gratitude for your partner’s vulnerability and celebrate their courage in sharing their thoughts and feelings.
In many successful relationships, couples have reported that regular “check-ins” or meaningful conversations help them stay connected and build a stronger bond. By prioritising vulnerability and openness, these couples are able to address life’s challenges together, fostering a deeper sense of connection and intimacy.
Vulnerability and openness are essential components of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By embracing these qualities, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds with our partners. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that can bring us closer to ourselves and our loved ones.
To be continued…
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Lecturer, Published Author, Mental Health Professional, and Marriage Counsellor).
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