Relationship
How marital infidelity and excessive arguing lead to divorce
1. Marital Infidelity (Marital Unfaithfulness)
Marital infidelity (adultery) is one of the most significant challenges facing families in our society.
Many divorces are due to (in one way or another) marital infidelity of spouses. In a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association (APA): “Infidelity was found to be the cause of 20-40 per cent of US divorces.”
Infidelity and divorce are very old, yet their levels seem to increase with time. One wonders why people are unable to learn from the past and eradicate infidelity in their marriages—which would, in turn, reduce the divorce rates.
The institution of marriage is based on deep trust between the two partners that enter it. Adultery (marital infidelity) is considered a violation of that faith in each other and a severe betrayal. This violation of trust is not to be taken lightly, as it can profoundly affect both parties and the marriage as a whole.
While many instances of marital infidelity are the results of a volatile family situation, there are also personal factors that can push one to commit adultery. Christians and society see the act as a sin, immoral, and an abomination.
This societal view can put great pressure on individuals, making them feel guiltier and less likely to seek reconciliation, thereby increasing the likelihood of divorce.
In some cases, mental conditions can influence people and lead to self-destructive behaviours such as sexual infidelity.
In such cases, the person typically knows that the act will harm the family but commits it regardless. Marital infidelity as revenge after learning of one’s spouse’s unfaithfulness should also be considered part of this category. Sometimes, infidelity can even push the other spouse who is committed to the relationship into adultery out of the belief that in doing so, they will share the burden.
Marital infidelity, regardless of the reasons behind it, inflicts deep wounds on both parties and the marriage as a whole. The betrayed spouse often feels inadequate and begins to question their worth, while the adulterer is burdened with guilt and mental weakness. These profound effects underscore the gravity of marital infidelity and its potential to shatter a marriage. Looking for personal faults that drove their spouse to act as they did.
Unfortunately, marriages frequently end after adultery is discovered, partly due to the tendency of cheaters (adulterers) to do so repeatedly. Often, this leads to one or both spouses seeing the act as the dissolution of their marital relationship.
Children are likely to be affected adversely as a result, especially because adultery-related divorces tend to end with the adults not being on good terms. Ultimately, adultery (marital infidelity) is highly destructive to marriages regardless of the cause and may often lead to their dissolution in the case that the other spouse learns about the act.
2. Excessive Arguing and Lack of Effective Communication
Most arguments in marriage happen because of a communication breakdown. Excessive arguing and a continuous lack of effective communication have been cited as causes of divorce in many cases. Therefore, improving communication can make a big difference between a happy marriage and one that experiences separation or divorce.
In 2019, a survey conducted by ‘Your Tango’ found the following lack of communication in divorce statistics:
• ‘Communication problems’ is the most common factor that leads to divorce, at 65 per cent
• This was followed by couples’ ‘inability to resolve issues,’ at 43 per cent.
Open and honest communication with a spouse can show trust, respect, and deference to the other spouse’s thoughts and beliefs. Excellent communication can see a relationship through difficulties, while lack thereof could cause a simple argument to escalate into grounds for a divorce.
It is not surprising that a lack of effective communication in marriage leads to divorce or separation in many instances. Given how crucial communication is to a successful marriage, it is better to work on your communication skills or find a good therapist to assist you than to allow situations to deteriorate in your marriage.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “A COUNSELLOR’S GUIDE TO USING ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ EFFECTIVELY” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries to ensure a healthy relationship. Here are a few tips to help couples navigate this challenge.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you both feel regarding social media usage in the relationship.
Having these conversations can be difficult but are essential to creating understanding and mutual respect.
2. Be Specific
When having the conversation, it is important to be specific about the behavior that bothers you and the boundaries you would like to set.
Instead of making general statements like, “You spend too much time on social media,” try saying something like:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during our quality time together?”
3. Be Considerate
Be considerate and understanding of your partner’s points of view and try to find solutions that satisfy both parties.
Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling or limiting each other; it’s about creating a healthy balance and fostering a strong, trusting relationship.
Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, but when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s important to establish boundaries to ensure it doesn’t interfere with the quality of the relationship.
4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Creating social media etiquette guidelines between romantic partners can be a sensitive topic, but it can also be a helpful tool in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Social media etiquette is a set of guidelines that outline how you and your partner will interact on social media and what is and isn’t acceptable behavior.
This can include:
- Whether or not you will follow each other on social media
- What kind of photos you will post of each other
- How you will interact with other people online
One important aspect of social media etiquette is setting boundaries around privacy.
5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respect for each other’s privacy is one of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries.
This includes:
- Not snooping on your partner’s social media accounts
- Not sharing personal information about them online
- Not posting pictures or status updates that they may be uncomfortable with
6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Social media should not be used as a benchmark for the health and happiness of your own relationship.
In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the constant stream of images and updates that friends, family, and even strangers share about their romantic lives.
It is important to focus on your relationship rather than compare it to the selective versions of other people’s relationships you see online. Every relationship is different and has its own set of challenges and successes. Focus on what makes your relationship unique and special.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media when in a relationship is essential for maintaining a healthy and happy connection.
Key factors include:
- Open and honest communication
- Respect for each other’s privacy
- Not using social media to measure your relationship
By following these steps, couples can navigate social media boundaries effectively and strengthen their relationship.
— Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
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Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With the constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries in order to ensure a healthy relationship. Here are a few tips to help couples.
Have an open and honest conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you both feel about social media usage in the relationship. Having open and honest conversations with your romantic partner about setting boundaries on social media usage can be a difficult but important task.
Be specific
When having the conversation, it is important to be specific about the behaviour that is bothering you and the boundaries you would like to set. Instead of making general statements like, “you spend too much time on social media,” try saying something like, “I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods of time during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”
Be considerate
Be considerate and understanding of your partner’s points of view, and try to find a solution that satisfies both parties. Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling or limiting each other; instead, it’s about creating a healthy balance and fostering a strong, trusting relationship. Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, but when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s important to establish boundaries to ensure that it doesn’t interfere with the quality of the relationship.
Agree on social media etiquette
Creating social media etiquette guidelines between romantic partners can be a sensitive topic, but it can also be a helpful tool in maintaining a healthy relationship. Social media etiquette is a set of guidelines that outline how you and your partner will interact on social media and what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. This can include things like whether or not you will follow each other on social media, what kind of photos you will post of each other, and how you will interact with other people online. One important aspect of social media etiquette is setting boundaries around privacy.
Respect each other’s privacy
One of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries is respect for each other’s privacy. This includes not snooping on your partner’s social media accounts, not sharing personal information about them on social media, and not posting pictures or status updates that they may be uncomfortable with.
Don’t use social media as a measure of your relationship
Do not use social media as a measure of your relationship is a reminder that the highlight reel of someone’s relationship that they choose to share on social media should not be used as a benchmark for the health and happiness of your own relationship. In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the constant stream of images and updates that friends, family, and even strangers share about their romantic lives on social media. It is important to focus on your relationship, rather than compare it to the selective versions of other people’s relationships you see online. Every relationship is different and has its own set of challenges and successes. Instead, focus on what makes your relationship unique and special.
Conclusion
In conclusion, setting boundaries on social media when in a relationship is important to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Open and honest communication, respect for each other’s privacy, and not using social media to measure the relationship are all critical factors in navigating social media boundaries as a couple.
— Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
