Obaa Yaa
Her attitude has changed
Dear Obaa Yaa,
There is something happening that could ruin the relationship with my girlfriend if it is not checked.
My girlfriend has a beautiful chocolate complexion which I am proud of.
In recent times, she has started bleaching in a manner I find annoying.
When I asked her why she is bleaching, she was unable to give me any tangible reason except to say that she wants the skin to be smooth.
I have, however, learnt from a friend of her’s that she admires another friend who has bleached her skin.
Because of that, I have warned her about the dangers and ramifications involved in bleaching but she has turned a blind eye.
One annoying thing is that after spending all her money on bleaching soaps and creams, she persistently worries me for money as if I am indebted to her.
I am beginning to think that she is bleaching to attract other men just as the friend is doing.
I am thinking of breaking up with her because she is not ready to listen to me.
Asare, Accra.
Dear Asare,
You don’t need to break up with her because she is bleaching. Try and coax this girl to give up this bad habit and if possible get her a pastor and parents to talk to her.
If this should fail, give her an ultimatum to give up this habit or risk losing the relationship.
Bleaching has side effects and can cause skin cancer.
You can also advise her to do the skin therapy with a good body cream.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
