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Going back to the source for a solution
The Bible says “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing“according to John 15:5 (KJV). This is a profound statement that needs to be considered in all aspects of our lives, especially in our marital relationships. People think that you can establish a relationship particularly a marital one, without the involvement of God and therefore Godly principles and expect it to work. No wonder the rate of divorce keeps soaring and soaring.
What we need to understand is that marriage is for fulfillment of God’s purposes for mankind and therefore to take him out of the equation makes the relationship a non-starter. I was watching a movie and the newlyweds were embarking on their honeymoon just by boat, soon after the wedding that was held at a seafront. The groom was the one driving the boat and the family and friends waved them off joyfully as the boat sped off. Shortly afterwards they decided to turn back to say a final bye bye to the people and the man ‘s foot got entangled in the rope that was used in tying the boat to the platform used as the disembarking platform and fell over board and was being dragged along like someone doing water skiing. A family member observing the chaos that ensued commented, “This marriage would not last”. There are sometimes signs of how a marriage is going to end at the friendship or courtship stages but family members tend to gloss over, only to later confess when things go wrong that they saw signs but thought things will work out so they kept their silence.
Listening to the discussions going on the TV show on Friday the September 25, about a lady who had asked the host about what to do regarding the ultimatum given her by her fiancé that either she gets a butt enhancement through surgery or she should forget about him ever marrying her. This marriage if it should happen has no firm foundation. It is only based on physical appearance which would change with time. What happens 10 years after It brought to the fore the attitude towards women in our chauvinistic society? The divorce rate has been on the rise and my worry is the impact it has on society since the family unit is a microcosm of the society and therefore if marriages do not work, then it is the society that is at risk of disintegration.
Some ladies go looking for partners sometimes with a tall list of criteria they are looking for in a man and when they realise that time is running out for them then they get desperate and settle on anyone who comes their way. They do not take time because they are in a hurry to really get to know their partners. It is true that you cannot really foretell what the future holds but if you are a Christian, serious prayer would let you have the assurance that the person you have settled on is the right person for you. Most of the time however, people who are ready to marry, do not have time for serious prayer. In fact some are not willing to even involve God at all. They just go in to see the parents and they do the customary marriage and they become man and wife. Clearly such a relationship may be headed for trouble since the people involved have not brought in the God factor so they can go to Him for assistance should they encounter challenges.
What people need to understand is that the marriage institution is something ordained by God for His children to fulfill His purpose for mankind. Any marriage relationship must therefore be established according to His rules. Anything done outside of his rules is headed for trouble and it does not matter the educational or social status of the persons involved. The fact is that one plus one equals two and it does not matter which planet you are on, it remains the same. What you choose to believe does not change that fact. The problem though is that when you choose to believe either through ignorance or for some other reason that one plus one is equal to say 3, you would have yourself to blame when it matters most. If you think that if you are not a child of God you can still have a successful marriage, then you are living in a fool’s paradise.
There are two forces in this world the forces of good represented by God and the forces of evil represented by the devil. There is no middle way. You are either a child of God or a child of the devil, it does not matter whether you believe it or not just as one plus one equals two. Marriage is something that the devil hates because when properly established it destroys the kingdom of satan and promotes the agenda of God. Therefore the first day a marriage gets contracted is the day the marriage and the people involved became the target of the devil. When one of the partners is a child of God and the other is not, it becomes easier for the devil to manipulate issues in the marriage to destroy it. If you get married to an unbeliever, satan is your Father-in-law and you can be sure that no good advice will come from him to her son or daughter to help establish that marriage. That is why the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers…” (KJV).
All the blame for failed marriages however cannot be put on at the doorstep of the devil. Our attitude towards marriage goes a long way in determining whether or not our marriages would be successful or not. When a woman starts to disrespect her husband due to loss of his job, illness or some other reason, a foundation for the destruction of the marriage is being laid. It is just a matter of time before such a marriage implodes. A husband who begins to cheat on his wife also lays the foundation for the destruction of the marriage and you cannot blame this on the devil. There are other issues like succumbing to the influence of friends, reduction of care and demonstration of affection towards each other, maintenance of body shape, maintenance of personal hygiene etc. which if not addressed has the potential to disrupt the harmony of any marital relationship. These cannot be blamed on the devil.
Another worrying development is the loss of moral values gradually taking hold of our youth. The sanctity of marriage especially the “till death do us part” portion does not matter to them. To them divorce is now part of the marital equation and at the sign of a slight challenge begin to find a way out. There is also the issue of feminist agenda which began at the Beijing Conference and our ladies especially the educated ones, have adopted it hook line and sinker and have even taken it to ridiculous levels. If people decide to have their own way and disregard God’s rules as far as marriage is concerned, then I dare say emphatically that they can never have a stable marital relationships; for without Him we can do nothing.
Laud Kissi-Mensah
A haircut I had about a week ago didn’t go down well with many. Someone quite close to my heart saw it, examined it critically and felt dizzy.
“What’s this?” she proceeded to ask me.
“An international hairdo,” I replied.
She was disgusted, in fact disappointed. The problem with the haircut is that the style is neither Punk, Tokyo Joe nor Show Your Back. If anything, it is a combination of all—and I liked it, for a change.
It was when I bounded downtown that someone called me and enquired whether I was no longer a journalist. He said I looked like a well-fed Warrant Officer.
“Class One or Class Two?” I asked.
Another studied my head as if he was studying physical geography and pronounced that I looked like a boxer who can throw dangerous punches. Still, someone was of the opinion that the haircut didn’t quite fit me, but admitted that I looked like a prosperous merchant.
Commendation
I remember some three months ago, I had a haircut that made two girls fall in love with me. In spite of the fact that the barber was not a graduate, the cut was such that they couldn’t help admiring it. One of them actually ‘checked out’ the style and commended the barber.
The other was more bent on the ‘love matter’ but I was too busy to give her any attention. LOVE!
I was reminded of this when I viewed a premier showing of the latest Sikaman film titled THE POWER OF LOVE. The film kept me thinking. Some of us have long forgotten about what it is like to be head-over-heels in love. When we were students, we had such experiences because there was nothing doing anyway.
We were either learning how stylishly to smoke ‘jot’ or how romantically to fall in love. Anyhow, I was intrigued by this latest movie because of the way love unlimited was portrayed on screen. It took my memory back many years to relive those youthful days when we felt we’d really die if jilted by our lovers.
The storyline of THE POWER OF LOVE is really an exciting one. The combination of love, treachery and intrigue made me feast my eyes intently on the screen, unbelieving the extent the force of love can reach.
Ama and Afua are good friends. But when it comes to matters of the heart, they have different tastes; Ama is content with only her boyfriend (a student) and Afua samples the bigwigs around town. Afua, not satisfied with the shots in town, wants Ama’s boyfriend Joe in addition. She lies to Joe that Ama has often been picked by a man on four-wheels, whereupon Joe dismisses Ama and takes on Afua.
Ama doesn’t realise that it is her best friend Afua who is destroying her relationship with Joe until she catches her having sex with him. She collapses and goes out of her mind from the broken heart. But before then, she had been made pregnant by Joe.
Having escaped from a psychiatric hospital, she roams town murmuring Joe’s name. Heavily pregnant now, she espies Joe boarding a mini bus and runs towards him. Joe, seeing her approaching, quickly disembarks and takes off.
Ama pursues him furiously, and he runs to his home where he finds his bosom friend Frank making love to Afua. He immediately realises the treachery of Afua who instigated him to leave Ama.
He intends leaving the home in disgust and meets mad Ama at the door and embraces her despite her madness. Instantly, she regains her sanity.
Love indeed heals the wounds of the mind and it is the greatest positive force in the world. Incidentally, the greatest negative force is hatred.
Greatest force
Now coming to talk about love, I reiterate it is the greatest force imaginable. That is why a man will butcher his rival to death if he catches him climbing his wife without asking permission; and a woman will go mad if jilted.
It is also for this reason that a young boy who is scared stiff of cemeteries and under normal circumstances would not dare go near one, will this time walk boldly through a cemetery at midnight if that is the only way to his lover’s abode.
The Bible describes love for our neighbours as the surest way to heaven: Love thy neighbour as thyself.
Unfortunately, what Ghanaians are more interested and skilful in is loving the opposite sex. Romance under the cover of darkness is what we understand love to be all about. When it comes to loving our fellow human beings, we are found wanting.
People hate others just because they are of another tribe and do not speak the same native language. Too much grudge-bearing that does not augur well for national development.
War in Liberia, carnage in Rwanda are the results of the absence of love for one’s fellow being. If everybody could express a little bit of love for his fellow being irrespective of tribe, race, politics or religion, Sikaman—and indeed, the world—will be a more habitable place.
This article was first published on Saturday, October 29, 1994
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“Sir,” Ms. Odame said when David Asante answered the call, “my name is Victoria Odame. I’m a teacher at Research School in Koforidua. I would like to come and see you concerning a student called Sarah.”
“Okay, madam. I would be very glad to meet you. How can I make your trip easier?”
“I was going to join a bus to Accra.”
“Here’s what we will do. Take a taxi and ask them to bring you to Accra. I will speak to the driver, give him the directions, and pay him when you get here.”
The taxi stopped in front of the house. The gate opened, and the driver moved to the long driveway and stopped.
“What a beautiful house,” he said.
David and Adoma came out to meet them. Adoma paid the driver as David and Sarah stared at each other.
“Please come in and sit down,” Adoma invited. She served them water.
“You are welcome,” Adoma continued. “We have been waiting anxiously since you called this morning. So please, let’s hear you.”
Before she could open her mouth, Sarah rose, moved to David, hugged him, and sat on his lap. They both broke into tears. Adoma and Ms. Odame also broke into tears.
“Sorry, madam,” David said. “This whole episode has been a very difficult one. But let’s do the proper thing. Let’s hear you first, and I will also speak. I’m sure we need to answer some questions immediately.”
“Okay, sir. I have been taking an interest in Sarah because, although she’s brilliant academically, she seemed to be troubled. Following my discussions with her and some whispers I had been hearing, I went to Aboso Senior High School and spoke to your former colleague, Mr. Hanson. He told me that you were an exemplary teacher who was loved by all, and he also told me about the unfortunate events that caused you to leave for Germany. So I returned to Koforidua with the view to finding the appropriate means of helping to solve this problem.”
“Great. Ms. Odame, I have to thank you for finally helping us to solve this problem. Now, let me state the facts. This is what happened.
“Gladys and I met and got married whilst we were both teachers in the school. Some months into our marriage, she told me that she needed to spend some days with her parents, and I agreed.
“It turned out that she was actually spending time in a hotel with her ex-boyfriend, Simon. This happened again after Sarah was born. I got wind of this and told her that I was no longer interested in the marriage.
“I started preparing to travel to Germany. She pleaded for forgiveness, but I stood my ground. Then she told me that she would punish me for rejecting her.
“She came out later to say that Sarah was not my child, but Simon’s. She went and hid her somewhere, obviously expecting that I would fight to take my child. I was actually going to do that, but my parents advised me that it was almost impossible to win such a fight.
“They advised that, difficult as it sounded, I should leave the child with her because she would come back to me eventually. I have absolutely no problem taking care of you, Sarah. I am taking care of quite a number of kids who are not mine. So that is what happened. My hands were tied. I have been trying to find out how you are doing.
“I kept hearing that you were doing well at school. I also heard that Gladys and her husband were having problems, but I kept hoping that my daughter would at least be okay till it was possible for me to go for her.”
“Sarah, now you have met your dad. You will be free to—”
“I’m not going anywhere!” she declared as she held on to him.
“You don’t have to worry about that, Sarah,” Adoma said. “We have been looking forward to the day you come home. This is your home. Now, you have to meet your siblings.” She called Abrefi and Adaawa.
“Girls, we told you that you have a sister who would join us anytime. Now here she is.”
“Sarah?” Abrefi asked.
“Yes,” Adoma replied. The girls hugged her and took her away.
“Now,” David said, “I think it is time to call Madam Gladys.” He dialed the number.
“My name is David Asante. I’m here in my house with my daughter Sarah. I hear you have told her all sorts of crazy stories about me. I could make life very difficult for you, but I won’t.
“You are your own worst enemy. I don’t think you should be expecting her anytime soon. What do you say?”
Gladys stayed silent for over a minute, then cut the line.
“Food is ready,” Adoma announced. “Everybody, please come to the table.”
Sarah chatted excitedly with her siblings as Adoma and David spoke with Ms. Odame. She kept staring at her father.
“Now, Ms. Odame, after you have brought such joy into our home, should we allow you to go back to Koforidua today, or should we wait till we are ready to release you? I could call your husband and ask permission.
“And please don’t tell me you didn’t bring anything for an overnight stay. There are several supermarkets around here. We can fix that problem quickly.”
“I will beg you to release me. Now that I have been so warmly welcomed here, I already feel part of this home. Koforidua is not that far away, so I will visit often.”
“Well, let’s see what the kids have to say. Ladies, shall I release Ms. Odame to go back to Koforidua?”
“No!” they shouted, and all broke into laughter.
“Ms. Odame, I will have mercy on you. But we are going to do something to make it easy for you to visit us. My wife wants to show you something. Please follow her.”
Adoma led her to the driveway as the others followed. They stopped in front of the car.
“This is a Toyota Corolla 1600. It is very reliable and good on petrol consumption. We are giving this to you in appreciation of your help in getting our daughter back to us.
“And here in this envelope is a little contribution to help you with maintenance. And here in this other envelope is a gift to help with your children’s school fees.”
As she stood, stunned, and stared from the car to the envelopes, David put his hand around his family.
“Let’s leave her to take a look at her car. Ms. Odame, one of my drivers will drive you to Koforidua and leave your car with you. We are waiting inside.”
By Ekow de Heer
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