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Obaa Yaa

Can l forgive hubby for leaving us 22 years?

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I got married 26 years ago to a gentleman who was initially very loving and caring by all standards. We were both happy in our marriage and blessed with two pretty girls.

As things were not going on well, my husband left Ghana 22 years ago to seek better economic fortunes in the United States of America (USA). At the time my husband was leaving, our children were four and two years old respectively.

He has not paid any visit to Ghana, let alone made any effort to enable us to join him there since leaving the shores of this country.

Initially, he wrote letters frequently to find out how we fared and enquired about the educational progress of the children.

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More than 18 years now, we have not heard from him and are worried if he is still alive.

l have single- handedly looked after the children without the support of any of his relatives.

Surprisingly, he has written about two months ago to inform me that he has re-married and was no longer interested in me.

ObaaYaa, l must confess that this man has really ruined my life and caused me serious harm because l had turned down offers from many suitors who are now happily married with children.

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Can l take legal action against him for damage caused me?

Ampoma, Accra.

Dear Ampoma,

l commend you for the ordeal you have gone through to take care of your children single-handedly in spite of the daunting  challenges.

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I can envisage how you feel and how enraged you must be against your husband who has not treated you well,as you try to remember the men who had proposed to marry you.

Though he could be charged by the court to pay you an alimony, you should desist from taking a legal action against him for the interest of your children.

Additionally, you should not infer that your marriage to those who had proposed to you would have been sailing well just like those they are married to. This is to confirm the fact that all the hands are not equal.

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Obaa Yaa

It’s a no for civil engineering

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MY daughter completed Senior High School this year and she had a very good grade.

With her grade, her father wants her to pursue Computer Science Engineering, but she had an interest in Civil Engineering.

Finally, admission forms are out and my daughter got Civil Engineering.

Her father doesn’t pay for her school fees because she did not choose the course he wanted her to offer.

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Due to this, they don’t see eye to eye and it is causing tension at home.

Please, how do I reconcile father and daughter? I am so stressed with what’s going on between the two. Thank you.

Enyonam, Keta.

Dear Enyonam,

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BOTH of them have legitimate feelings: the father may be worried about her future and wants to guide her, while your daughter wants to pursue a field she is genuinely interested in.

Do not try to settle the matter when either person is angry. The purpose should not be to decide who is right, but to find a solution that protects their relationship and your daughter’s future.

Ask your daughter to explain why she chose Civil Engineering.

She should explain what attracts her to the course, the subjects involved, the career opportunities and, importantly, why she believes she can succeed in it. If she has researched the universities and career paths, she should present that information to her father.

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Talk to the father that financial support should not become a weapon.

It is understandable that a parent wants to have a say in a child’s education, especially when paying the fees. However, withdrawing educational support simply because his daughter chose a different legitimate course can damage their relationship. He can express his disagreement while still supporting her and allowing her to take responsibility for her choice.

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Obaa Yaa

My crush is giving me attitude

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Dear Araba,

THERE is this handsome gentleman in my area I am crushing on badly. He gave me a lift to the office a month ago and I mistakenly farted in the car.

When the incident happened in the car, he just stared at me but looked unbothered, which made me a bit comfortable.

Araba, Takoradi.

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Dear Araba,

HONESTLY, I don’t see anything wrong with that. You are human, and human beings fart. The fact that he didn’t say anything or make you feel uncomfortable probably means he understood that it was an accidental, normal bodily function.

Ever since that incident happened, he has stopped calling or texting me. He doesn’t even give me a lift any longer.

Please, tell me, is it a crime to fart in your crush’s car?

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What is keeping you embarrassed after months is not the fart itself but the meaning you have attached to it. You have replayed the incident so many times that it has become bigger in your mind than it probably ever was in his.

Just confront him that it was a mistake and, for that matter, we should let go of everything and move on.

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