Obaa Yaa
Marriage is scary
I am always attracted by the nice looks of couples who go out for a walk and engage in programmes to entertain themselves.
Love, tolerance and perseverance are the essential ingredients which make marriage stick together in a memorable bond.
Unfortunately, there are instances of couples taking these qualities for granted and do whatever they like.
I was lucky to be close to my elder sister with whom l shared my aspirations, sentiments and sometimes secrets and sought her advice.
She was in a relationship with a man who was her senior in the university and who occupied her mind at that time.
This gentleman was known and loved by every member of the family and some of us were of the view that their marriage would be a memorable one from which others will derive immense inspiration.
I was not surprised when this man approached my parents that he would like to ask of my sister’s hand in marriage and pleaded for a list of items required to perform the customary rites.
However, my sister’s expectations fell short of her lover when she informed him that she was pregnant. He suggested that my sister should abort the pregnancy to enable them to prepare a comfortable foundation for a happy marriage.
My sister reluctantly succumbed to abort the pregnancy only to realise a few weeks later that her lover was ready to wed another lady.
The situation has made my sister to develop hatred for men and she has vowed never to entertain any man for a relationship.
Can men be trusted in a circumstance like this?
Akosua, Accra.
Dear Akosua,
The abuse of trust as in your sister’s case is unfortunate and should not be encouraged. Your sister is fortunate to be in a sound mind despite the misfortune that has befallen her.
This gentleman’s character suggests that he was dating two ladies at the same time but took undue advantage of your sister. He should have compensated your sister for the inconvenience caused her.
Your sister should have asked for compensation from him to commensurate the inconvenience he had caused her.
This gentleman has not acted in good faith and should not be trusted. It, therefore, suggest that your sister will not forgive him if she is unable to conceive because of the abortion.
I would like to assure you that the lives of other couples should serve as a source of encouragement for your sister and she will get a good partner in life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Thank you for publishing my article with the heading above. I am back to answer your two questions.
Luckily, my in-laws are in their family house whilst we are in our own house. It all started when my husband started building a house.
I didn’t know they disliked me. I’ve always tried to play my role as an in-law.
But upon an attitude they developed, I have stopped.
Now, they come in groups to my house to insult me for no reason. My step daughter who is in Junior High School (JHS) 3 has been turned against me.
Now the girl only visit the house just to disrespect me and return to her aunties.
My husband mostly get angry over his family’s behaviour and exchange words with them sometimes. They insult him in turn, claiming I have cast a spell on him.
They are under the impression that my husband has transferred all the household properties to me, including two cars he has already registered in my name.
The situation is very painful and distressing. We are both worried.
My children are much worried because they can no longer visit the family house.
Obaa, let me hear from you soon, as this man needs to bless the marriage at the church.
Cecilia Antwi,
Mampong
Dear Cecilia,
Thanks for responding to our letter. The situation calls for a family meeting to resolve the issue once and for all.
Make a formal complaint to your family head and let him summon both families for a formal arbitration so that both parties can air their grievances to pave the way for differences to be ironed out.
You may also complain to your pastor to act in concert with the family head to make the summons a more effective one.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I overhead my wife talking to someone on the phone. I still don’t know who that person was but it could be any of her friends.
In her conversation, I overheard her telling someone how lucky the person was. She said “Do you know how much he gives me to keep the home? I am even tired of the marriage.”
These words from my wife shocked me. In her conversation, he insulted me to her friend, describing me as a lazy person.
Our marriage is only two years old and we don’t have a child. I work very hard but I earn little.
When I confronted her, she told me she was just joking and for that matter is not something serious.
I didn’t want to drag it but the more I think of it, the more I get hurt knowing the woman I married doesn’t appreciate my effort.
What hurt me the most was when she said her friend should give her husband to her.
I am lost, I feel she doesn’t need me in her life. How can I forget about this?
Abraham, Takoradi
Dear Abraham,
Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you are feeling?
In my opinion, it is possible that she is not aware of the efforts you are making.
Communication is key in any relationship, and talking things through can help clear up misunderstandings and strengthen your bond.
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